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6347Uruk of Mordor satire:

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  • Joan Marie Verba
    Aug 18, 2002
    • 0 Attachment
      Here's a longer letter about the Mordor satire:

      Dear Sir,

      I am an Uruk of Mordor, charged with the discovery of
      a number of valuable treasures within Moria. It has
      come to my notice that the mithril hoard previously
      owned by Ori of the land of Moria has been found by
      one of our cave-trolls. Under our laws, the hoard will
      be shared between our lord Sauron and the local
      Balrog, but so far neither knows the extent of the

      Sir, I come to you as a respectful businessperson in
      order that we may derive some profit ourselves from
      this venture, I would wish that I could arrange for
      the transfer of half of the find to yourself, costing
      roughly 20,000 silver pennies. From this amount, I
      will then arrange for a further such that 25% remains
      your own, 5% goes for sundry costs (including hire of
      strong Rohan horses for use in transportation), 5% is
      given in bribe to the cave troll to ensure the
      quantity reported to our respective Lords is adjusted,
      65% belongs to myself and my fellow Orcs.

      In order that this be accomplished, I ask only that
      you provide details of:

      Your willingness to participate in this venture,

      Confirmation that you will not speak of this venture
      to anyone else, or wear any magic rings,

      Your race and land of residence,

      The location of your local Palantir or identity of
      your preferred message-carrying bird or beast,

      Your given name, and any name you are known by in the
      Western lands,

      The number of ponies you possess.

      I look forward to your returning correspondence, which
      can be whispered to any passing magpie. I trust that
      you will ensure that no other dark feathered birds
      come to hear of this transaction.