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when not to uninstall CP/M.

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  • Dan Roganti
    The divers reported hearing tapping in the form of Morse code coming from survivors inside the damaged russian nuclear sub. The rescuers couldn t understand
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 1, 2013

      The divers reported hearing tapping in the form of Morse code coming from survivors inside the damaged russian nuclear sub. The rescuers couldn't understand why a group of men would spend the last of their strength tapping out "Windows sucks" in Morse code. 
      The tapes of the last moments of the Kursk may offer some insight into this.  It turns out that the submarine crew was trying to load Microsoft Windows on their fire control computer. Their intent was to replace the aging CP/M operating system with the flashier Windows OS. Apparently, the Russians didn't know about the legendary stability problems exhibited by Windows. The log tapes make this painfully obvious:

      Captain: Is new fire control Windows OS installed yet,
      Seaman: Almost Sir. Just need to finish filling out
                  registration card.
      Captain: Excellent. Soon is being able to point and click our
                   enemies into oblivion. [evil laughter in background]
      Seaman: Comrade Captain! Is booting! Look, it says
                   "Preparing to run Windows for first time".
                   [long pause]
      Seaman: Arrgh! Sir, is wanting me to reboot again. That
                   makes 27th time.
      Captain: Hmmm. Is not encouraging.
                  Go ahead and reboot again.
      Seaman: Aye, aye Sir.
                  [another long pause]
      Seaman: Captain, is up again. Is saying it found new
                   hardware ...
                   A CD-ROM drive and that is needing drivers.
      Captain: Where are drivers?
      Seaman: On CD-ROM.
      Captain: You are joking, right?
      Seaman: No Sir.
      Captain: Reboot damn thing again.
                  I am starting not to liking this Windows.
                  [another long pause]
      Seaman: Sir! Is back!
                   Is saying it found the Gorby2000 Torpedo and is
                   looking for device drivers. Do we have driver disk?
      Captain: I do not think so.
      Seaman: I will tell it to use default drivers.
                   [another long pause]
      Seaman: Is wanting to reboot again.
      Captain: How many times are we going to reboot today?
                  Is taking forever. Our hull is rusting out before this
                  [another long pause]
      Seaman: Sir! Is up and this time is not asking for anything!
      Captain: Really? No device drivers?
                  No registration cards? No user profiles?
      Seaman: No Sir. I think is ready.
      Captain: Good work comrade.
                  Now is clicking on the fire control icon and
                  letting us see how this works.
      Seaman: Is clicking now, Sir.
                   [another long pause]
                   [another long pause]
      Captain: Why does fire control screen have
                   dancing paper clip on it?
      Seaman: I have no idea, Sir.
      Captain: Hmmm, is trying clicking on menu.
      Seaman: Aye Sir. Is saying: Open E-mail,
                   Spam a friend, Mail a Virus, Fire a Torpedo.
      Captain: Is spamming friend later. Is firing torpedo now.
      Seaman: Aye Sir.
                   [another long pause]
      Seaman: Is asking us to load torpedo and to
                  click when ready.
      Captain: Torpedo room, load torpedo in tube number 1!
      [intercom:] This is Torpedo room. Torpedo is loaded, Sir. Captain: Click on continue button.
      Seaman: Aye Sir.
                   [another long pause]
      Seaman: Is asking for target, Sir.
      Captain: Hmmm, is targeting Rainbow Warrior.
      Seaman: Aye Sir. Damn!
                  Is saying torpedo is low on ink.
      Captain: Click ignore.
                   We will get some ink when we return to base.
      Seaman: Aye Sir. We are ready to fire.
      Captain: Very good. You may fire when ready comrade.
      Seaman: Is firing torpedo, Sir.
                   [another really long pause]
      Captain: Well ??
      Seaman: Am trying Sir. Nothing is happening.
                   Wait minute....
                   [a loud explosion is heard in the background
                    followed by screaming on intercom]
      Captain: WTF was that?!?!?
      Seaman: Captain! New screen has appeared!
                   "Outlook Express Fire Control has performed an
                   illegal operation and will be shut down. "
                   Click 'OK' to continue."
      Seaman: Oh my God! Paper clip has died! What should I do?
      Captain: Is shutting it down !
                   Is shutting it down !
      Seaman: Is not responding Sir!
      Captain: Try 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE'!
      Seaman: Aye Sir. We are in luck!
                   Task manager is still operating.
                   I am instructing task manager to shut down
                   Outlook Fire Control. [another long pause]
      Seaman: Task manager is saying that Outlook Fire Control
                   is not responding.
      Captain: Tell it to 'end task.'
      Seaman: Is happening nothing, Sir.
      Captain: Is trying 'CTRL-ALT-DELETE' again.
      Seaman: Aye Sir.
                   [sounds of frantic pecking on keyboard.]
      Seaman: Oooh !
                   Is pretty blue screen!
      Captain: Not Blue Screen of Dea....
                  [KABLAM! A really big explosion]
                  [More screaming and the sound of rushing water.]

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