"mlcanow" <mlcanow@y...> wrote:
> I am finding out a difficulty in sustaining personal relationships,
> others than the family ones i already carry throughout my life since
> the past.
> And what becomes difficult, is that the one that pretends to relate
> to me, expects some kind of ownership in an exclusive person to
> person way. Once there are no parameters appart from those that
> arise from an inner feeling of natural and spontaneous action,
> relationships are great for a while, but they become limiting among
Perhaps if our cultures changed to the extent
that parents are not seen to 'own' children,
when the children become adults, they will not
expect any 'ownership' of each-other.
The issue of ownership is one of those special
pieces of our enormous burden of cultural
conditioning, which becomes red-hot, and serves
to make a lot of the otherwise invisible conditioning,
visible. The 'family way' is often or always toxic.
Once a man or woman refuses to be 'owned',
a lot of other issues come up, also. The one
who refuses to be owned, or to own another,
must eventually be identified as a rebel or
Much of our 'spiritual work' is to simply
scrape off the deep overburden of cultural
conditioning, to eventually expose the actual
'thing' that we are. I wonder what would happen
if parents who do not 'own' each-other, raise
children who are not 'owned'. Will these children
be able to exist as what they are, more easily
than the current crop of humans?
In the field of psychology, the issues of
'ownership' falls into the category which is
called 'co-dependency'. I can hope that over
time, these remedial ideas will percolate into
the mainstream, to the effect of actually
legitimatizing freedom on all levels of Being.
'Hindsight shows how often yesterday's so-called truth
may become today's absurdity. Real ability is to respect
relative truth without damaging oneself by refusing to
realize that it will be superseded. When you observe that
today's controversies often reveal not relevance but the
clash of the untaught with the wrongly taught, and when
you can endure this knowledge without cynicism, as a
lover of humankind, greater compensations will be open to
you than a sense of your own importance or satisfaction in
thinking about the unreliability of others.'
From 'A Perfumed Scorpion' Idries Shah