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Re: Loretta Siani Ph.D on Creating Self-Esteem

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  • devianandi
    she has nice teeth,,, ... of ... everything ... You ... esteem ... that ... in ... children. ... it ... the ... abusive ... suffering ... Fierce ... otherwise
    Message 1 of 2 , May 30 3:00 PM
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      she has nice teeth,,,

      --- In meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com, medit8ionsociety
      <no_reply@y...> wrote:
      > Loretta is a member of the Meditation Society of America, and many
      of
      > you are familiar her wisdom from the several articles she has shared
      > in our newsletter, The Inner Traveler. She occasionally sends her
      > replies to questions out to those on her mailing list. Here is her
      > most recent. Enjoy!
      >
      > Question:
      > Progress in my life has been dogged by very low self esteem - always
      > as a child put down by my mother and lately by my husband. Do I have
      > to go through life like this? Help!
      >
      > Answer: My heart goes out to you. My answer is going to be very
      > direct. I offer it to you in the spirit of encouragement and to give
      > you a sense of hope.
      >
      > No, you do not have to go through life like this. You have
      everything
      > it takes to make the progress you want to make. You lack nothing.
      You
      > just don't know it yet. Here are nine practices and beliefs that you
      > can begin to cultivate right now to help you improve your self-
      esteem
      > and march boldly in the direction of your dreams.
      >
      > 1. Let go of the past:
      > The number one most important thing you must do in order to progress
      > in life is let go of your past. Often we are led to think that we
      that
      > we can't find love, enjoy a fulfilling career, or make progress in
      > life because of the abuses and dysfunctions we suffered in the past.
      > We become convinced that we are defined by what we were deprived of
      in
      > our past. But the past is the past. It exists only in a fantasy. We
      > turn the fantasy of the past into a present reality by constantly
      > focusing on it. What we tend to do is unconsciously model our adult
      > relationships after the relationships we suffered through as
      children.
      > Then we repress the bad behavior that we are guilty of and project
      it
      > out onto our partners. Thus we perpetrate the past by interpreting
      the
      > present in past terms.
      >
      > All of us come from "dysfunctional" families. Certainly some of us
      > experience more psychological adversity in life than others. Yet,
      > there are countless examples of people who come from extremely
      abusive
      > parents and almost unbelievable backgrounds of privation and
      suffering
      > and rise above their circumstances to achieve success in life. Often
      > siblings who suffer the same abuses in early life have noticeable
      > differences in self-esteem and their ability to cope with life.
      Fierce
      > determination not to be defeated by life's challenges is the
      > difference that makes all the difference. No one can erase the
      > influences of the past but everyone can decide whether those
      > influences will continue to rule them in the present. To do
      otherwise
      > is to say that you are powerless over your own life.
      >
      > 2. Forgive
      > Forgiveness is the primary way for letting go of the influences of
      the
      > past. It's easier to let go of the past when we think of life as a
      > classroom that presents us with lessons to learn. Our number one
      > lesson is always to learn love and forgiveness. Until we learn to
      love
      > and forgive those who mistreated us in the past we are doomed to
      > attract the same lesson into our lives in the present. The fact of
      the
      > matter is our present relationships are healed as we let go of
      > resentment over our past relationships. It doesn't mean that we
      > condone mistreatment. It means that we rise above it. When you
      forgive
      > your mother you will discover that you will stop projecting her
      > behavior onto your husband. Ironically, when you forgive your mother
      > you will also be forgiving yourself because the grievances we hold
      > against our parents are unconsciously held against ourselves. We are
      > all more likely to gain self-esteem when treated with love and
      > compassion. Surprisingly we also gain self-esteem when we treat
      others
      > with love and compassion. Your relationship with your husband can
      heal
      > when you stop finding fault with him and see him thorough the eyes
      of
      > love and forgiveness. Everyone is fighting a difficult battle, him
      > included. You don't have to forgive him until you're ready. But as
      you
      > release your grievances you will make more room in your heart for
      > love. The moment you let go of past grievances is the moment you
      > become free to experience a miraculous new present.
      >
      > 3. Become Conscious and Assume Responsibility
      > One of our main responsibilities in life is to expand our
      > consciousness as we mature. The wider vision that arises from
      expanded
      > consciousness increases our level of responsibility for the life we
      > are creating and the lessons it presents to us. Our goal is to rise
      > from dependence to independence and ultimately to freedom. If we
      want
      > to get on a higher plane in life we can't keep blaming the amorphous
      > they for who we are. Our lives are either theirs or ours. It's up to
      > us to decide. Most of us believe that we are responsible for our
      > behavior but not for our thinking. As A Course In Miracles teaches
      we
      > are first and foremost responsible for what we think, because it is
      > solely at the level of our thinking that we can exercise choice. As
      we
      > become more responsible for our thinking and the choices we make we
      > become masters of our own fate.
      >
      > We are in this world to do just that. We are not in this world to
      > judge our parents or our spouse or to make sure that they learn
      their
      > lessons. We are here to become conscious of our lessons, assume
      > responsibility and perfect ourselves. It is our responsibility to
      give
      > our all and learn from the classroom of life. When we fail to do
      this
      > we betray our Selves and injure our self-esteem.
      >
      > Enlightenment requires that we not betray our Selves. We further
      this
      > cause by paying attention to the life we are creating. Psychological
      > pain is always a sign that we are not paying attention at some
      level.
      > Just as ulcers tell us that we're not paying attention to the stress
      > we create in our lives, so poor self-esteem tells us we are not
      paying
      > attention to how we are creating it. Paying attention does not mean
      > you identify with your pain. Just as you are not your ulcer or your
      > broken leg or your headache, you are not your psychological pain
      > either. You are the person above your pain who can pay attention to
      > taking the steps to promote healing and prevent it from occurring.
      You
      > are someone and something much grander than your lack of self-
      esteem.
      > Your true Self is powerful beyond measure. To paraphrase Marianne
      > Williamson our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate but that
      we
      > are indeed powerful beyond measure. To think anything less is not
      > humility. It's arrogance, because it gives more weight to your
      opinion
      > than to that of your creator in whose image you were made.
      >
      > 4. Take Action
      > In order to pay attention and live consciously and responsibly we
      must
      > take action. When we put off making amends with our parents or fail
      to
      > admit our part in being put down by our spouse we are failing to
      live
      > consciously and responsibly.
      >
      > You can take action by putting your attention on what you want
      instead
      > of what you don't want. The law of consciousness says that whatever
      we
      > focus on in life expands. Put your focus on your singular desire to
      > improve your regard for yourself. A higher part of you knows that
      you
      > are not a victim. You can never be "put down" without your consent.
      > You are a powerful, vibrant, spiritual being capable of changing
      your
      > mind and your life. Demonstrate your new regard for who you really
      are
      > by taking care of yourself. Eat well. Get proper rest. Exercise.
      These
      > things will improve your reputation with your Self. Learn to
      meditate.
      > Meditation increases your ability to live consciously. It is the
      > gateway to connecting with the miraculous power of your spiritual
      Self.
      >
      > 5. Ask for Help
      > It is our task in life to become free of the limitations we set upon
      > ourselves. Often this requires that we ask for help from a
      > professional who can assist us in getting a new perspective on our
      > problem and who can hold us accountable for our thinking. Taking
      > action in this way demonstrates our fierce determination to change
      the
      > direction of our lives.
      >
      > When we rely strictly on our own strength we have every reason to be
      > apprehensive, anxious and fearful. Let us admit to ourselves that
      the
      > fear-based thinking of our ego creates all of our problems. To rise
      > above the battlefield of life we must ask for help from a higher
      > source. Do not forget that you are a spiritual being capable of
      taping
      > into a higher power. Ask for help through the power of prayer. As A
      > Course In Miracles teaches prayer is the medium of miracles.
      >
      > Typically, we have to hit rock bottom before we turn to prayer. It
      > isn't until we fall to pieces, that we fall to our knees. But the
      > moment we do is the moment our lives begin to turn around. Until
      then
      > it's as though we've been waiting on God. The truth is, He's been
      > waiting on us. It isn't that He's masochistic. It's just that love
      > never forces itself. Love waits to be welcomed. When we finally do
      > invite God's help it's because life has convinced us that of
      ourselves
      > we can do nothing. Our understanding of our problem is too myopic
      and
      > our interest too self-serving. God, on the other hand, understands
      > every facet of our problem and can resolve it for the good of all
      > concerned.
      >
      > 6. Gain a Sense of Humor
      > Don't take yourself so seriously. Cultivate a sense of humor about
      > your shortcomings (as well as your husband's and your mother's). All
      > of our wisdom comes from our foibles and the mistakes we make in
      life
      > anyway. Count them as blessings. Learn from them. Often our lack of
      > self-esteem is a smoke screen for fear of failure or fear of
      success.
      > Thus we live more to avoid the pain of life than benefit from its
      > lessons. We seek to escape real intimacy and on some level seek to
      be
      > taken care of by others. Instead of being invigorated by the
      > challenges of life we shrink from the unknown and the unfamiliar and
      > look for ways to take ourselves off the hook All it takes to change
      > this is a little willingness to do so and a good sense of humor.
      >
      > 7. Take Your Focus Off Yourself
      > The grand mistake fostered by lack of self-esteem is self-
      absorption.
      > Self-absorption leads to a sense of isolation, and loss. Take your
      > focus off yourself. Real freedom in life isn't experienced until we
      > get over ourselves and put our focus on something bigger. When we do
      > this we realize that our problems do not stem from what we are not
      > getting from life but from what we are not giving to it. The less
      > self-absorbed we are and the more aligned we are with the principles
      > of conscious living, forgiveness and giving instead of getting, the
      > more empowered we become.
      >
      > 8. Live With Purpose
      > If you want to make progress in life you must live it with a sense
      of
      > purpose. To do otherwise is to live it without meaning. Look at your
      > relationships as gifts that have been given to you to help you heal
      > your psychic wounds. See every relationship as a laboratory for
      > becoming conscious, taking responsibility and learning your lessons
      of
      > love and forgiveness. Ask yourself what do I want to achieve through
      > my relationship? What am I doing to contribute to its success?
      > Cultivate the capacity of being ruthlessly honest with yourself
      about
      > your contribution.
      >
      > Nothing happens by accident in life. Know that you are on a grand,
      > heroic mission to discover yourself and become a better person in
      the
      > process. Make this the purpose of your relationship. Discuss this
      > purpose with your husband. Declare your desire and intention to
      have a
      > common goal, open communication, and an equal investment in its
      purpose.
      >
      > 9. Visualize The Life You Want To Lead
      > Visualization is our god-given ability to attract what we desire
      into
      > our lives. As Aristotle said, the soul never thinks without a
      picture.
      > Try this exercise.
      > Close your eyes and create a picture of the person you want to
      become.
      > See in your mind's eye what you will be doing….who you will be
      > with….what your body will look like…how you will sound…how you will
      > stand…how you will breathe.
      >
      > Now recognize that the only thing that prevents you from stepping
      into
      > this picture is you. Ask for a miracle to come into your life and
      heal
      > your perception of yourself and your relationships. Surrender to God
      > every person, every dream, every heartache, every joy and sorrow
      > connected with your lack of self-esteem. Tell Him that you want to
      > trade grievances for miracles. Ask that He help you to remember that
      > your real purpose in your relationship, and in life, is to love and
      > forgive. Affirm that you have the power through Him to do this.
      >
      > Now take in a deep breath, open your eyes and live your life as if
      > these changes have already occurred, because they have. Practice
      this
      > exercise regularly, especially at night before you fall asleep.
      >
      > No, you do not have to go through life the way you are. You have the
      > capacity to change your mind and change your life. You can have all
      > the self-esteem and all the freedom you are willing to create for
      > yourself. Right now, today, you can begin to march boldly in the
      > direction of your dreams.
      > .
      > .
      >
      > http://www.lorettasiani.com
      >
      >
      >
      > Loretta M. Siani, Ph.D
      > Clinical Hypnotherapy
      > 3115 East Vista St
      > Long Beach, CA 90803
      >
      > Phone: (562) 434-7429
      > Fax: (562) 434-7317
      > Web site: http://www.lorettasiani.com
      > E-mail: lsiani@a...
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