Agnes Allen's Law
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Approval Seeker's Law
Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to
Berson's Corollary of Inverse Distances
The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer
the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the
The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Churchill's Commentary on Man
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he
will pick himself up and continue on as though nothing has happened.
Whenever you need to stop at a light to put on makeup, every light
will be green.
Dave's Law of Advice
Those with the best advice offer no advice.
Dean Martin's Definition of Drunkenness
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Deitz's Law of Ego
The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a column is in
direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.
Virtue is its own punishment.
Dolly Parton's Principle
The bigger they are, the harder it is to see your shoes.
Ehre's Double-Door Law
In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one
door that is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and
push when the sign says pull.
Law of Entropy
If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage you get
If you put a spoonful of sewage into a barrel full of wine you still
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.
Ginsberg's Theorems (Generalized Laws of Thermodynamics or Ginsberg's
Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics)
You can't win.
You can't break even.
You can't even quit the game.
Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
There are only two problems with people. One is that they
don't think. The other is that they do.