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Re: [Meditation Society of America] Journal Entry-Eve

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  • Judi Rhodes
    ... From: eveneon To: meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com Sent: Thursday, July 18, 2002 1:06 PM Subject: [Meditation Society of America] Journal
    Message 1 of 5 , Jul 18, 2002
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      ----- Original Message -----
      From: eveneon
      To: meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Thursday, July 18, 2002 1:06 PM
      Subject: [Meditation Society of America] Journal Entry-Eve


      Date: July 18
      Time: 8:00am
      Duration: 30 minutes
      Position: Sitting in chair, eyes closed, hand resting on knees, palms
      up
      Technique: Body and breath awareness

      Lots going on today. When I began my session, my concentration was
      not so great, but it began to improve as time passed. Using the
      technique of imagining that I was drawing energy in through my limbs
      and head on the inhale and then moving it out on the exhale, seemed
      to help me stay focused. I was meditating in a room with no air
      conditioning and it was humid so I was a little uncomfortable and the
      windows were open and there were lots of sounds outside. I didn't
      mind the sounds except when the chainsaw kicked in down the street.
      At first this was very distracting, but I imagined I was a mountain,
      remaining still while all of the weather and animals and people, etc.
      were creating noise and activity around me. This helped.
      My husband came looking for me and opened the door (which was loud)
      and interrupted my meditation. I was startled and he quickly left and
      closed the door. I didn't want to end my session abruptly and
      decided
      to continue for a few more minutes. A wave of upset came rolling in
      and I began to start crying. Then having thoughts like "Why am I
      crying?" "What am getting so upset about?" I decided to
      just let the
      upset feeling come and watch them, and focus on my breath. I started
      to calm down and my mind immediately started grasping for the hurt
      feelings, remembering the interruption from a few moments before. It
      was like I wanted to feel the pain again (but I didn't really
      want
      to). I found this interesting. The phenomenon of reliving the pain
      but wanting it back. I don't want to feel pain but it's as if
      something else inside me wanted to re-live it. Fortunately, noticing
      this helped it to end and I continued to just focus on my breath and
      body. I noticed a lot of tension in my jaw as a result of the
      feelings that had surfaced. I didn't want to end my session
      before I
      had regained my relaxation. I continued to meditate and shortly I was
      calm and even smiling and laughing about the interruption. I later
      thanked John for interrupting me (but told him next time to just
      lightly knock on the door)

      Insights: Feelings (emotion) are just as fluid as my thoughts. They
      just roll by. I don't need to latch onto them. Or
      "become" them. It's
      no big deal.

      *******
      No, that IS the big deal, *you* are them!

      Here, from Eckhart Tolle:
      Forget about surrender for a moment. When your pain is deep, all talk of surrender will probably seem futile and meaningless anyway. When your pain is deep, you will likely have a strong urge to escape from it rather than surrender to it. You don't want to feel what you feel. What could be more normal? But there is no escape, no way out. There are many pseudo escapes - work, drink, drugs, anger, projection, suppression, and so on - but they don't free you from the pain. Suffering does not diminish in intensity when you make it unconscious. When you deny emotional pain, everything you do or think as well as your relationships become contaminated with it. You broadcast it, so to speak, as the energy you emanate, and others will pick it up subliminally. If they are unconscious, they may even feel compelled to attack or hurt you in some way, or you may hurt them in an unconscious projection of your pain. You attract and manifest whatever corresponds to your inner state.

      When there is no way out, there is still always a way "through". So don't turn away from the pain. Face it. Feel it fully. "Feel" it - don't "think" about it! Express it if necessary, but don't create a script in your mind around it. Give all your attention to the feeling, not to the person, event, or situation that seems to have caused it. Don't let the mind use the pain to create a victim identity for yourself out of it. Feeling sorry for yourself and telling others your story will keep you stuck in suffering. Since it is impossible to get away from the feeling, the only possibility of change is to move into it; otherwise, nothing will shift. So give your complete attention to what you feel, and refrain from mentally labeling it. As you go into the feeling, be intensely alert. At first, it may seem like a dark and terrifying place, and when the urge to turn away from it comes, observe it but don't act on it. Keep putting your attention on the pain, keep feeling the grief, the fear, the dread, the loneliness, whatever it is. Stay alert, stay present - present with your whole Being, with every cell of your body. As you do so, you are bringing light into this darkness. This is the flame of your consciousness.

      At this stage, you don't need to be concerned with surrender anymore. It has happened already. How? Full attention "is" full acceptance, is surrender. By giving full attention, you use the power of Now, which is the power of your presence. No hidden pocket of resistance can survive in it. Presence removes time. Without time, no suffering, no negativity, can survive.

      The acceptance of suffering is a journey into death. Facing deep pain, allowing it to be, taking your attention into it, is to enter death consciously. When you have died this death, you realize that there is no death - and there is nothing to fear. Only the ego dies. Imagine a ray of sunlight that has forgotten it is an inseparable part of the sun and deludes itself into believing it has to fight for survival and create and cling to an identity other than the sun. Would the death of this delusion not be incredibly liberating?

      Do you want an easy death? Would you rather die without pain, without agony? Then die to the past every moment, and let the light of your presence shine away the heavy, time-bound self you thought of as "you".


      Happy Days,
      Judi

      http://www.users.uniserve.com/~samuel/judi-1.htm
      http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheEndOfTheRopeRanch/
      http://www.livingston.net/allison/sacred01.htm



      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • eveneon
      Hi Judi, Thanks for posting Eckert Tolle. The Power of Now is one of my favorite books. And I know what both you and he are saying, about not denying my pain.
      Message 2 of 5 , Jul 22, 2002
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        Hi Judi,
        Thanks for posting Eckert Tolle. The Power of Now is one of my
        favorite books. And I know what both you and he are saying, about not
        denying my pain. I wasn't attempting to do that in my session, but re-
        reading my post I can see how it may appear that way. I did put
        attention on the pain, but was using my breath as an anchor to keep
        my mind chatter or inner dialog, from running on about it. i.e. Why
        am I upset? Where did it come from? Etc. Or as Eckert said, I was
        trying to not "create a script in my mind around it" Perhaps I may
        not have fully gone into the "feeling" of the pain, because I was
        concentrating too hard on my breath in order to quite the dialog
        about it. Next time I will try. I definitely don't think that my
        pain, or any other emotion, is "separate" from me. What I meant when
        I referred to not "becoming my pain", was to not latch onto it and
        identify myself to it with an inner dialog, in a way where nothing
        else is noticeable. Kinda of a "poor me" type of thing.
        Thanks for your insights.
        Eve

        --- In meditationsocietyofamerica@y..., "Judi Rhodes"
        <judirhodes@z...> wrote:
        > Date: July 18
        > Time: 8:00am
        > Duration: 30 minutes
        > Position: Sitting in chair, eyes closed, hand resting on knees,
        palms
        > up
        > Technique: Body and breath awareness
        >
        > Lots going on today. When I began my session, my concentration
        was
        > not so great, but it began to improve as time passed. Using the
        > technique of imagining that I was drawing energy in through my
        limbs
        > and head on the inhale and then moving it out on the exhale,
        seemed
        > to help me stay focused. I was meditating in a room with no air
        > conditioning and it was humid so I was a little uncomfortable and
        the
        > windows were open and there were lots of sounds outside. I didn't
        > mind the sounds except when the chainsaw kicked in down the
        street.
        > At first this was very distracting, but I imagined I was a
        mountain,
        > remaining still while all of the weather and animals and people,
        etc.
        > were creating noise and activity around me. This helped.
        > My husband came looking for me and opened the door (which was
        loud)
        > and interrupted my meditation. I was startled and he quickly left
        and
        > closed the door. I didn't want to end my session abruptly and
        > decided
        > to continue for a few more minutes. A wave of upset came rolling
        in
        > and I began to start crying. Then having thoughts like "Why am I
        > crying?" "What am getting so upset about?" I decided to
        > just let the
        > upset feeling come and watch them, and focus on my breath. I
        started
        > to calm down and my mind immediately started grasping for the
        hurt
        > feelings, remembering the interruption from a few moments before.
        It
        > was like I wanted to feel the pain again (but I didn't really
        > want
        > to). I found this interesting. The phenomenon of reliving the
        pain
        > but wanting it back. I don't want to feel pain but it's as if
        > something else inside me wanted to re-live it. Fortunately,
        noticing
        > this helped it to end and I continued to just focus on my breath
        and
        > body. I noticed a lot of tension in my jaw as a result of the
        > feelings that had surfaced. I didn't want to end my session
        > before I
        > had regained my relaxation. I continued to meditate and shortly I
        was
        > calm and even smiling and laughing about the interruption. I
        later
        > thanked John for interrupting me (but told him next time to just
        > lightly knock on the door)
        >
        > Insights: Feelings (emotion) are just as fluid as my thoughts.
        They
        > just roll by. I don't need to latch onto them. Or
        > "become" them. It's
        > no big deal.
        >
        > *******
        > No, that IS the big deal, *you* are them!
        >
        > Here, from Eckhart Tolle:
        > Forget about surrender for a moment. When your pain is deep, all
        talk of surrender will probably seem futile and meaningless anyway.
        When your pain is deep, you will likely have a strong urge to escape
        from it rather than surrender to it. You don't want to feel what you
        feel. What could be more normal? But there is no escape, no way out.
        There are many pseudo escapes - work, drink, drugs, anger,
        projection, suppression, and so on - but they don't free you from the
        pain. Suffering does not diminish in intensity when you make it
        unconscious. When you deny emotional pain, everything you do or
        think as well as your relationships become contaminated with it.
        You broadcast it, so to speak, as the energy you emanate, and others
        will pick it up subliminally. If they are unconscious, they may even
        feel compelled to attack or hurt you in some way, or you may hurt
        them in an unconscious projection of your pain. You attract and
        manifest whatever corresponds to your inner state.
        >
        > When there is no way out, there is still always a way "through".
        So don't turn away from the pain. Face it. Feel it fully. "Feel"
        it - don't "think" about it! Express it if necessary, but don't
        create a script in your mind around it. Give all your attention to
        the feeling, not to the person, event, or situation that seems to
        have caused it. Don't let the mind use the pain to create a victim
        identity for yourself out of it. Feeling sorry for yourself and
        telling others your story will keep you stuck in suffering. Since it
        is impossible to get away from the feeling, the only possibility of
        change is to move into it; otherwise, nothing will shift. So give
        your complete attention to what you feel, and refrain from mentally
        labeling it. As you go into the feeling, be intensely alert. At
        first, it may seem like a dark and terrifying place, and when the
        urge to turn away from it comes, observe it but don't act on it.
        Keep putting your attention on the pain, keep feeling the grief, the
        fear, the dread, the loneliness, whatever it is. Stay alert, stay
        present - present with your whole Being, with every cell of your
        body. As you do so, you are bringing light into this darkness. This
        is the flame of your consciousness.
        >
        > At this stage, you don't need to be concerned with surrender
        anymore. It has happened already. How? Full attention "is" full
        acceptance, is surrender. By giving full attention, you use the
        power of Now, which is the power of your presence. No hidden pocket
        of resistance can survive in it. Presence removes time. Without
        time, no suffering, no negativity, can survive.
        >
        > The acceptance of suffering is a journey into death. Facing deep
        pain, allowing it to be, taking your attention into it, is to enter
        death consciously. When you have died this death, you realize that
        there is no death - and there is nothing to fear. Only the ego dies.
        Imagine a ray of sunlight that has forgotten it is an inseparable
        part of the sun and deludes itself into believing it has to fight for
        survival and create and cling to an identity other than the sun.
        Would the death of this delusion not be incredibly liberating?
        >
        > Do you want an easy death? Would you rather die without pain,
        without agony? Then die to the past every moment, and let the light
        of your presence shine away the heavy, time-bound self you thought of
        as "you".
        >
        >
        > Happy Days,
        > Judi
      • Michael Read
        excellent, that is a meditation described by Pem Chodrun in her book The Wisdom of No Escape and The Art of Lvong Kindness ciao - michael ... From: eveneon
        Message 3 of 5 , Aug 12, 2002
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          excellent, that is a meditation described by Pem Chodrun
          in her book "The Wisdom of No Escape and The Art of Lvong Kindness"

          ciao - michael
          ----- Original Message -----
          From: eveneon
          To: meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com
          Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 9:28 AM
          Subject: [Meditation Society of America] Journal Entry-Eve


          Date: August 12, 2002
          Time: 10:50am
          Duration: 30 minutes (open)
          Position: Sitting in chair, eyes closed, hands resting on knees,
          palms up
          Technique: Breath and body awareness
          Variation: chanted OM silently

          My concentration was pretty good today, considering that it has been
          almost a week since I have meditated. Started out by chanting Om out
          load three times. When I noticed that my mind had wandered, I would
          mentally say "thinking", and bring my awareness back. Felt relaxed
          afterward.

          Notes: This past week, I didn't meditate in the morning, except for
          one day. I noticed that I was little less patient and a little more
          susceptible to getting swept away by emotions, instead of just being
          aware of them as they came up and then letting them go.



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        • Michael Read
          pardon! it is Pema Chodrun not Pem. ... From: Michael Read To: meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 6:15 PM Subject: Re:
          Message 4 of 5 , Aug 12, 2002
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            pardon! it is Pema Chodrun not Pem.

            ----- Original Message -----
            From: Michael Read
            To: meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com
            Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 6:15 PM
            Subject: Re: [Meditation Society of America] Journal Entry-Eve


            excellent, that is a meditation described by Pem Chodrun
            in her book "The Wisdom of No Escape and The Art of Lvong Kindness"

            ciao - michael
            ----- Original Message -----
            From: eveneon
            To: meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com
            Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 9:28 AM
            Subject: [Meditation Society of America] Journal Entry-Eve


            Date: August 12, 2002
            Time: 10:50am
            Duration: 30 minutes (open)
            Position: Sitting in chair, eyes closed, hands resting on knees,
            palms up
            Technique: Breath and body awareness
            Variation: chanted OM silently

            My concentration was pretty good today, considering that it has been
            almost a week since I have meditated. Started out by chanting Om out
            load three times. When I noticed that my mind had wandered, I would
            mentally say "thinking", and bring my awareness back. Felt relaxed
            afterward.

            Notes: This past week, I didn't meditate in the morning, except for
            one day. I noticed that I was little less patient and a little more
            susceptible to getting swept away by emotions, instead of just being
            aware of them as they came up and then letting them go.



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            [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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            [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          • eveneon
            Hi Michael, Yes, that is exactly right. I actually picked up this book after you suggested it to someone else here on the group. I really love it. I have only
            Message 5 of 5 , Aug 28, 2002
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              Hi Michael,
              Yes, that is exactly right. I actually picked up this book after you
              suggested it to someone else here on the group. I really love it. I
              have only read the first 5 chapters. I am taking my time with it, re-
              reading chapters a few times before I move onto the next. I have read
              alot of book that have to do with meditation and there is something
              about this one that is very clear to me. I'm not quite sure what it
              is, maybe just her perspective. It has definately had an influence in
              my meditation.
              Thanks for the recommendation.
              Eve



              --- In meditationsocietyofamerica@y..., "Michael Read" <maread@t...>
              wrote:
              > excellent, that is a meditation described by Pem Chodrun
              > in her book "The Wisdom of No Escape and The Art of Lvong Kindness"
              >
              > ciao - michael
              > ----- Original Message -----
              > From: eveneon
              > To: meditationsocietyofamerica@y...
              > Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 9:28 AM
              > Subject: [Meditation Society of America] Journal Entry-Eve
              >
              >
              > Date: August 12, 2002
              > Time: 10:50am
              > Duration: 30 minutes (open)
              > Position: Sitting in chair, eyes closed, hands resting on knees,
              > palms up
              > Technique: Breath and body awareness
              > Variation: chanted OM silently
              >
              > My concentration was pretty good today, considering that it has
              been
              > almost a week since I have meditated. Started out by chanting Om
              out
              > load three times. When I noticed that my mind had wandered, I
              would
              > mentally say "thinking", and bring my awareness back. Felt
              relaxed
              > afterward.
              >
              > Notes: This past week, I didn't meditate in the morning, except
              for
              > one day. I noticed that I was little less patient and a little
              more
              > susceptible to getting swept away by emotions, instead of just
              being
              > aware of them as they came up and then letting them go.
              >
              >
              >
              > Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
              >
              > Click here to find your contact lenses!
              >
              > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
              > meditationsocietyofamerica-unsubscribe@y...
              >
              >
              >
              > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
              Service.
              >
              >
              >
              > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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