Aloneness, awareness, meditation, nonmeditation
- The sense of aloneness is deep, and can be difficult to tolerate. Because awareness has no other, no second, it tends to bring up the sense of aloneness. Aloneness = all-one-ness.
I understand that there is no one existing apart to tolerate or not tolerate awareness (not the word "awareness," the actuality that is nameless, that is nothing/everything).
The reason I say "difficult to tolerate" is that memory tends to arise, and memory tends to involve "triggered" responses to the sense of being alone, once that sense registers in memory.
Aloneness, not involving memory response, involves no self, no imagined other, just being.
Memory response tends to bring up fears of abandonment, feelings of vulnerability or resentment, deprivation, fears of injury, attack, feeling a need to protect, or sensing the possibility of death. This is the human being, it is not a matter of myself vs. others, there is no self or other to this. It is the human being.
These fears are in memory, quite likely passed on through the DNA.
They are "early" fears in terms of human development, "basic" fears.
So, one wants to assuage those fears.
One generates fantasy, (and often addictions, obsessions, compulsions), and this doesn't just apply to "internal" fantasies (as internal and external are based on imagined division).
Fantasy includes all kinds of imagery and thought about "others," "the future," "myself," "getting," "having," (as doer, relater, exister, possessor, etc.).
Fantasy includes many things, and includes generating religious and spiritual saviors, gurus, communities, concepts, practices that will "bring me enlightenment" or "make me a better person."
"Meditation" is to be, and thus, be aware.
Awareness is this aloneness.
Meditation is to be aware of any fantasies, thoughts, fears, etc., that arise (and dissolve), without "entanglement" or "attachment."
Awareness is not "involved" in any arising, not picking and choosing. All arisings are equal, in terms of awareness.
Meditation dissolves as one understands that awareness simply is.
There is no procedure, no attempt, no doing involved.
To whatever extent "meditation" implies a meditator, or a process, or an outcome, meditation dissolves.
The idea and word "awareness" dissolves.
-- Dan --