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Awareness Meditation

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  • yeshwanthi vasudevan
    Hi Everybody I ve already sent the below message to medit8@meditationsociety.com, but I thought it s always good to ask everyone s opinion on this. So here it
    Message 1 of 6 , Jul 25, 2006
      Hi Everybody
       
      I've already sent the below message to medit8@..., but I thought it's always good to ask everyone's opinion on this. So here it goes: 
       
      I've just recently started meditation. And no I don't do any concentration meditation, in other words I don't concentrate on any object or image but rather I do awareness meditation. You know just observing your thoughts, the physical sensations, breath  etc.. just simply being aware (easy said than done!) And I'am now able to sit for like more than just 20 minutes. But when I start pushing myself to sit for more than 20 minutes that is like 35 minutes or so, I suddenly start feeling (i don't know how to explain this) very peaceful and serene (i don't think even these words could explain it properly), i've never felt that before, I've never felt that sort of tranquility before ( I guess this is something that you would feel only when your meditating), it's just a really beautiful feeling, my head just starts to feel really light. But as I start feeling tranquil, at the same time, simaltaneously I start feeling very, very restless and I feel fear arising in me. I don't understand why I start to suddenly feel very scared and restless. At that particular moment all I want to do is to just open my eyes and get out of meditation. At that particular moment I feel like there is some sort of a restless battle waging on inside me. A part of me is just screaming and begging to stop the meditation, and get out of it immediately. And another part of me is telling me to just be patient and persistent, to not stop, to not open my eyes, and keep going, and to just be aware of the fear arising in me. I'am unable to go beyond 35 minutes. I can sit for more than 35 minutes, but only with a 5 minutes break in between. otherwise sitting in one stretch for more than 35 minutes is just scary. I don't know why I start feeling so scared and restless, or rather should i say what am I so scared of??? I'am really curious. Have any of you ever felt this when you first started meditation?????
       
      Thanking You,
      Yeshwanthi


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    • Stephen Johnston
      Hi, I m relatively new to meditation myself, but from what others have told me, this could be your ego rebelling against meditation, as the ultimate goal of
      Message 2 of 6 , Jul 25, 2006
        Hi,
         
        I'm relatively new to meditation myself, but from what others have told me, this could be your ego rebelling against meditation, as the ultimate goal of meditation is to lose a sense of "self". I feel the same peaceful qualities you describe, but I don't have the feeling that I want to stop. However, I smetimes have a general feeling of dread underneath my now much calmer personality. Again, the ego thing I'm told.
         
        It could also be some free-ranging issues you have that may be trying to surface once you start calming the chatter.
         
        I hope somebody with more experience in this area is able to help further.  I think this type of thing really underlines the need for an experienced "master".
         
        Anybody know a reputable one in the Amsterdam area?
         
        Stephen 
         
        ----- Original Message -----
        Sent: 25 July 2006 12:52
        Subject: [newmail] [Meditation Society of America] Awareness Meditation

        Hi Everybody
         
        I've already sent the below message to medit8@..., but I thought it's always good to ask everyone's opinion on this. So here it goes: 
         
        I've just recently started meditation. And no I don't do any concentration meditation, in other words I don't concentrate on any object or image but rather I do awareness meditation. You know just observing your thoughts, the physical sensations, breath  etc.. just simply being aware (easy said than done!) And I'am now able to sit for like more than just 20 minutes. But when I start pushing myself to sit for more than 20 minutes that is like 35 minutes or so, I suddenly start feeling (i don't know how to explain this) very peaceful and serene (i don't think even these words could explain it properly), i've never felt tha t before, I've never felt that sort of tranquility before ( I guess this is something that you would feel only when your meditating), it's just a really beautiful feeling, my head just starts to feel really light. But as I start feeling tranquil, at the same time, simaltaneously I start feeling very, very restless and I feel fear arising in me. I don't understand why I start to suddenly feel very scared and restless. At that particular moment all I want to do is to just open my eyes and get out of meditation. At that particular moment I feel like there is some sort of a restless battle waging on inside me. A part of me is just screaming and begging to stop the meditation, and get out of it immediately. And another part of me is telling me to just be patient and persistent, to not stop, to not open my eyes, and keep going, and to just be aware of the fear arising in me. I'am unable to go beyond 35 minutes. I can sit for more than 35 minutes, but only with a 5 minutes break in between. otherwise sitting in one stretch for more than 35 minutes is just scary. I don't know why I start feeling so scared and restless, or rather should i say what am I so scared of??? I'am really curious. Have any of you ever felt this when you first started meditation?????
         
        Thanking You,
        Yeshwanthi


        Find out what India is talking about on Yahoo! Answers India.


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      • Sandeep
        *Hi Yeshwanthi (and Stephen), First of all 35 mins is not a milestone which has to be crossed. As soon as as there is a sense of a milestone which has to be
        Message 3 of 6 , Jul 25, 2006
          Hi Yeshwanthi (and Stephen),



          First of all 35 mins is not a milestone which has to be crossed.

          As soon as as there is a sense of a milestone which has to be crossed......

          .....and thus the associated sense of satisfaction of having achieved it, or the sense of despair with not having achieved it...

          ...it's the usual game.

          Round and round the mulberry bush..........around  now a new mulberry bush.
           

          So on some occasions........2 mins is all that happens.

          And is appropriate

          And on another occasion the elapsing of maybe 2 days...........is appropriate.

          And on a different occasion........it just does not happen and the non-happening is appropriate.



          On the specific turmoil..........between the two options of wanting to stop and wanting to breach 35 mins, or 40 mins or 60 mins or whatever is the sense of a new target....

          ....rather than "what am I so scared of"..............be in the quest.............just who is it..... that is scared?

          For whom is this sense of a turmoil?

          For whom is this arising sense of fear, dread?


          Essentially.........sense of turmoil.........and it's acute form the sense of fear or dread......irrespective of it's content, hue, form or intensity....

          ....is an arising thought, .....with maybe an associated sensation in the body........ is it not?



          To whom has this thought occurred?

          Who has taken delivery of  this thought?

          Who is "Yeshwanthi".............for whom that entire hoopla exists........ and is of significance?




          As can be seen.........this questing................need not remain confined to a period of 35 mins............but can be the underlying current......over a 24 hours period..........where for each of the changing moods, feelings, decisions , acts, behaviours, impacting results of these acts.......

          .....dotting the whole of the waking period as well as the sleep period.....

          ....the questing remains...

          ..to whom has this particular thought occurred to?

          Who has taken delivery of  this thought?




          And there is the uncovering of meditativeness...(to use a conceptual term)..........as opposed to technique-based/object-related durational meditation..........

          ...meditativeness which is not confined to duration, not subjected to location or circumstances and  not related to objects.........

          including the sense of an object..which is.....the "me-meditator"........the sense of "me-Yeshwanthi".







          .



           



          Stephen Johnston wrote:

          Hi,
           
          I'm relatively new to meditation myself, but from what others have told me, this could be your ego rebelling against meditation, as the ultimate goal of meditation is to lose a sense of "self". I feel the same peaceful qualities you describe, but I don't have the feeling that I want to stop. However, I smetimes have a general feeling of dread underneath my now much calmer personality. Again, the ego thing I'm told.
           
          It could also be some free-ranging issues you have that may be trying to surface once you start calming the chatter.
           
          I hope somebody with more experience in this area is able to help further.  I think this type of thing really underlines the need for an experienced "master".
           
          Anybody know a reputable one in the Amsterdam area?
           
          Stephen 
           
          ----- Original Message -----
          Sent: 25 July 2006 12:52
          Subject: [newmail] [Meditation Society of America] Awareness Meditation

          Hi Everybody
           
          I've already sent the below message to medit8@..., but I thought it's always good to ask everyone's opinion on this. So here it goes: 
           
          I've just recently started meditation. And no I don't do any concentration meditation, in other words I don't concentrate on any object or image but rather I do awareness meditation. You know just observing your thoughts, the physical sensations, breath  etc.. just simply being aware (easy said than done!) And I'am now able to sit for like more than just 20 minutes. But when I start pushing myself to sit for more than 20 minutes that is like 35 minutes or so, I suddenly start feeling (i don't know how to explain this) very peaceful and serene (i don't think even these words could explain it properly), i've never felt tha t before, I've never felt that sort of tranquility before ( I guess this is something that you would feel only when your meditating), it's just a really beautiful feeling, my head just starts to feel really light. But as I start feeling tranquil, at the same time, simaltaneously I start feeling very, very restless and I feel fear arising in me. I don't understand why I start to suddenly feel very scared and restless. At that particular moment all I want to do is to just open my eyes and get out of meditation. At that particular moment I feel like there is some sort of a restless battle waging on inside me. A part of me is just screaming and begging to stop the meditation, and get out of it immediately. And another part of me is telling me to just be patient and persistent, to not stop, to not open my eyes, and keep going, and to just be aware of the fear arising in me. I'am unable to go beyond 35 minutes. I can sit for more than 35 minutes, but only with a 5 minutes break in between. otherwise sitting in one stretch for more than 35 minutes is just scary. I don't know why I start feeling so scared and restless, or rather should i say what am I so scared of??? I'am really curious. Have any of you ever felt this when you first started meditation?????
           
          Thanking You,
          Yeshwanthi


          Jul-06
            
        • Benjamin Buehne
          Hello Yeshwanthi, Now I am by no means a master but I am an experienced meditator and work in the mental health field. I am not certain but it sounds like you
          Message 4 of 6 , Jul 25, 2006
            Hello Yeshwanthi,

            Now I am by no means a master but I am an
            experienced meditator and work in the mental health
            field. I am not certain but it sounds like you are
            inducing Mania with form of meditation.

            Let me clarify why I think this. Mania would be
            the opposite of depression. Here is the symptoms...
            http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=4271
            . Rather than finding a way to shut off your mind you
            are overheating it. Think of your computer... it can
            only process so much and then will struggle if you run
            too many programs at once. Well the mind is used to
            processing only so much... and overloading has the
            effects of Mania.

            It is not uncommon for those experiencing Mania
            to have severe panic attacks. It is also not uncommon
            to have severe mood swings. While the initial effect
            may be euphoric, Mania weakens your judgement and is
            an extreme rather than a center.

            In my experience Meditation is about finding a
            center and balance. You are looking for a way for
            your mind to be neither high nor low... but to simply
            be. Concentrating one 1 thing is a gateway... it puts
            your mind in a constant state. Eventually, this 1
            thing may slip away and then you have nothingness. I
            don't think this can happen with the meditation method
            you describe, although I could be wrong.

            In addition though, I have found that fear may
            arise before going to this next level. Before I had
            done that, I awoke several times as if being shocked
            back to conciousness. It's a fearful experience at
            first because it's unfamiliar. You could be
            experiencing this... but I then wonder if your method
            would allow you to transition further as your thoughts
            may be racing. YOu must decide if you feel that this
            is the case and if you choose to alter or continue
            this form of meditation.

            Just trying to add my 2 cents... hope this helps.

            Sincerely,
            Ben

            --- yeshwanthi vasudevan <badgirl_nofear@...>
            wrote:

            > Hi Everybody
            >
            > I've already sent the below message to
            > medit8@..., but I thought it's
            > always good to ask everyone's opinion on this. So
            > here it goes:
            >
            > I've just recently started meditation. And no I
            > don't do any concentration meditation, in other
            > words I don't concentrate on any object or image but
            > rather I do awareness meditation. You know just
            > observing your thoughts, the physical sensations,
            > breath etc.. just simply being aware (easy said
            > than done!) And I'am now able to sit for like more
            > than just 20 minutes. But when I start pushing
            > myself to sit for more than 20 minutes that is like
            > 35 minutes or so, I suddenly start feeling (i don't
            > know how to explain this) very peaceful and serene
            > (i don't think even these words could explain it
            > properly), i've never felt that before, I've never
            > felt that sort of tranquility before ( I guess this
            > is something that you would feel only when your
            > meditating), it's just a really beautiful feeling,
            > my head just starts to feel really light. But as I
            > start feeling tranquil, at the same time,
            > simaltaneously I start feeling very, very restless
            > and I feel fear arising in me. I don't
            > understand why I start to suddenly feel very scared
            > and restless. At that particular moment all I want
            > to do is to just open my eyes and get out of
            > meditation. At that particular moment I feel like
            > there is some sort of a restless battle waging on
            > inside me. A part of me is just screaming and
            > begging to stop the meditation, and get out of it
            > immediately. And another part of me is telling me to
            > just be patient and persistent, to not stop, to not
            > open my eyes, and keep going, and to just be aware
            > of the fear arising in me. I'am unable to go beyond
            > 35 minutes. I can sit for more than 35 minutes, but
            > only with a 5 minutes break in between. otherwise
            > sitting in one stretch for more than 35 minutes is
            > just scary. I don't know why I start feeling so
            > scared and restless, or rather should i say what am
            > I so scared of??? I'am really curious. Have any of
            > you ever felt this when you first started
            > meditation?????
            >
            > Thanking You,
            > Yeshwanthi
            >
            >
            > ---------------------------------
            > Find out what India is talking about on Yahoo!
            > Answers India.


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          • Michael
            I am also a novice where meditation is concerned (only meditating since January)and by far am no master, however, I had experiences similar to what you
            Message 5 of 6 , Jul 25, 2006
              I am also a novice where meditation is concerned (only meditating
              since January)and by far am no master, however, I had experiences
              similar to what you describe although not as intense. I eventually
              found my fear was the fear of releasing control. As you go deeper
              into meditation, deeper into your true, inner self, closer to our
              Universal Source, it becomes necessary to "let go" of your
              egocentric, earthly part of your being and proceed to the next
              spiritual level. That "letting go" can be a scary experience. I got
              past it by practicing a little technique. While meditating, when the
              sense of fear began, I focused on the words "There is nothing to
              fear." I also matched the words to my breathing. As I inhaled I
              thought, "There is nothing..." and then on the exhale,
              thought, "...to fear." I eventually got over the threshold. I hope
              this helps.

              --- In meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com, yeshwanthi
              vasudevan <badgirl_nofear@...> wrote:
              >
              > Hi Everybody
              >
              > I've already sent the below message to medit8@..., but I thought
              it's always good to ask everyone's opinion on this. So here it goes:
              >
              > I've just recently started meditation. And no I don't do any
              concentration meditation, in other words I don't concentrate on any
              object or image but rather I do awareness meditation. You know just
              observing your thoughts, the physical sensations, breath etc.. just
              simply being aware (easy said than done!) And I'am now able to sit
              for like more than just 20 minutes. But when I start pushing myself
              to sit for more than 20 minutes that is like 35 minutes or so, I
              suddenly start feeling (i don't know how to explain this) very
              peaceful and serene (i don't think even these words could explain it
              properly), i've never felt that before, I've never felt that sort of
              tranquility before ( I guess this is something that you would feel
              only when your meditating), it's just a really beautiful feeling, my
              head just starts to feel really light. But as I start feeling
              tranquil, at the same time, simaltaneously I start feeling very, very
              restless and I feel fear arising in me. I don't
              > understand why I start to suddenly feel very scared and restless.
              At that particular moment all I want to do is to just open my eyes
              and get out of meditation. At that particular moment I feel like
              there is some sort of a restless battle waging on inside me. A part
              of me is just screaming and begging to stop the meditation, and get
              out of it immediately. And another part of me is telling me to just
              be patient and persistent, to not stop, to not open my eyes, and keep
              going, and to just be aware of the fear arising in me. I'am unable to
              go beyond 35 minutes. I can sit for more than 35 minutes, but only
              with a 5 minutes break in between. otherwise sitting in one stretch
              for more than 35 minutes is just scary. I don't know why I start
              feeling so scared and restless, or rather should i say what am I so
              scared of??? I'am really curious. Have any of you ever felt this when
              you first started meditation?????
              >
              > Thanking You,
              > Yeshwanthi
              >
              >
              > ---------------------------------
              > Find out what India is talking about on Yahoo! Answers India.
              >
            • Rushikant Mehta
              Yeshwanthiji : Why not to accept the reality ? Continue your meditation of just being aware of whatever is the reality of the moment. And react not by desiring
              Message 6 of 6 , Jul 30, 2006
                Yeshwanthiji :
                 
                Why not to accept the reality ? Continue your meditation of just being aware of whatever is the reality of the moment. And react not by desiring anything otherwise than what the Nature manifests, on the body or in the mind.
                 
                If you do not wish the pent up fear to surface, how can you get rid of it ? Same with all supressed emotions & negativities. Let them come up & pass. It's real catharsis.
                 
                And why insist on longer than 35 minutes ? Persist in the efforts, the meditation, the awareness; continually, if not continuously.
                 
                Still if you want to do it more systematically in protective environment, under guidence, visit www.dhamma.org.
                 
                May your determination to develop in self-awareness lead you to the Ultimate
                Enlightenment.
                 
                -rushikant.
                yeshwanthi vasudevan <badgirl_nofear@...> wrote:
                Hi Everybody
                 
                I've already sent the below message to medit8@..., but I thought it's always good to ask everyone's opinion on this. So here it goes: 
                 
                I've just recently started meditation. And no I don't do any concentration meditation, in other words I don't concentrate on any object or image but rather I do awareness meditation. You know just observing your thoughts, the physical sensations, breath  etc.. just simply being aware (easy said than done!) And I'am now able to sit for like more than just 20 minutes. But when I start pushing myself to sit for more than 20 minutes that is like 35 minutes or so, I suddenly start feeling (i don't know how to explain this) very peaceful and serene (i don't think even these words could explain it properly), i've never felt that before, I've never felt that sort of tranquility before ( I guess this is something that you would feel only when your meditating), it's just a really beautiful feeling, my head just starts to feel really light. But as I start feeling tranquil, at the same time, simaltaneously I start feeling very, very restless and I feel fear arising in me. I don't understand why I start to suddenly feel very scared and restless. At that particular moment all I want to do is to just open my eyes and get out of meditation. At that particular moment I feel like there is some sort of a restless battle waging on inside me. A part of me is just screaming and begging to stop the meditation, and get out of it immediately. And another part of me is telling me to just be patient and persistent, to not stop, to not open my eyes, and keep going, and to just be aware of the fear arising in me. I'am unable to go beyond 35 minutes. I can sit for more than 35 minutes, but only with a 5 minutes break in between. otherwise sitting in one stretch for more than 35 minutes is just scary. I don't know why I start feeling so scared and restless, or rather should i say what am I so scared of??? I'am really curious. Have any of you ever felt this when you first started meditation?????
                 
                Thanking You,
                Yeshwanthi

                Find out what India is talking about on Yahoo! Answers India.



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