Re: When the thing you want to heal from....
- --- In email@example.com, reikilove27
>all the meditation and reiki in the world won't
> Sorry if this is a bit long, but I figure no better place to ask for
> your views on a situation such as this...
> Last year, a girl (she has posted on here and I'm sure some of you
> know her, but I will give the respect of not revealing a name as bad
> as I want to :)) that I thought was going to be my spiritual partner
> and wife (I wanted to marry her obviously) completely shattered
> everything I knew to be true....
> She (she practiced Sufism) left me and went off to see a SUFI Guru,
> who she eventually married (this Supposed guru lives in Pakistan by
> the way)...
> I can't believe it's been a year and still it feels like yesterday
> that she left.... the parts that I have trouble with trying to heal
> from this experience even through my Reiki (I am level II) and all
> kinds of meditation are the fololowing
> 1. She Lied.. how could someone who is a supposed spiritual good
> person lie about the reasons that we were not meant to be when all the
> along the real reason turned out to be she started talking online to
> this guru overseas, and obviously was emotionally cheating on me with
> him... to me this is the only way someone breaks up with you and turns
> around and not even 2 months later sells all their belongings and goes
> to marry someone else....
> 2. Aren't we who get into the "spiritual path", supposed to try to
> live up to the standards that we meditate and live on? So one side she
> lied, on the other side this Bastard guy (can you tell I'm still
> bitter) knew she was in a relationship and still talked her into doing
> this whole thing....
> I hope I am being clear.. my issue is a year later and i am still
> trying to heal through spiritual practices like Reiki and Meditation
> but it seems no matter what, I can't release how angry and upset I get
> at the actions she took... and also this has completely shattered my
> trust in people... I mean the last person that I thought would
> completely lie and cheat was this woman(my fault for seeing her as
> perfection I suppose).. she had a great heart,...
> beautiful spirit and lived in every way as spiritual path as one
> could... we both met on our path, and [I thought] this was what was
> meant to be....
> So question is.. how do you meditate/heal when the anger of something
> like this is clouding the very thing you are trying to heal from?
> I mean a meditation session doesn't go by without cursing at her to
> her and Him for "ruining my life" (yes that is a Martyr speaking and
> is pathetic I know especially for a 31 year old adult:))
> Thank you in advance and sorry for the essay
turn a tulip into a rose. making peace with what
is, is a challenge for most. as long as you hold
the anger you can avoid the fact you have a loss.
yet in the emptiness, there is a grace. i have
found no way other than to be with what is. on
occasion i have also found the loving kindness
metta meditation to be useful. it is a simple
way to hold a wish for peace for all. when you
describe a great heart, only that part of you,
could have seen that in her. maybe all the hearts
in this matter could use some peace. certainly
our world can.
- The trouble (troubled mind) begins
when you start prescribing specific
attributes to "supposedly spiritual"
people. It is not a matter of "trying"
to live a moral and ethical life.
When one is immersed in the spiritual
life, there is a kindness and
compassion that is apparent - as you
have described (as opposed to
prescribed). But we are where we
are in our own individual stages
of development. This woman did not
act against you. She used whatever
strategy she needed to survive.
Her strategy may have been flawed
and selfish, but it was what she
decided for herself.
You write of this woman as though
she were your possession - your
"creation" even, who was programmed
by you to live up to your expectations.
This does not discount the pain
you are in, but you are rehearsing
the pain and giving it continued
life in the form of anger and
harsh judgment (both of your fair lady
and the bastard).
You might look at your contribution
to the series of events, take some
responsiblity what happened "to you",
and then...return to meditation.
At 31, you are still short of a
maturation leap that will let you
forgive and "return" to the joy and
understanding of the gift of life
and every breath. Meditation can
be the bridge (or parachute, to
stay true to the metaphor) to
this maturation leap.
Meditation may not change events,
or flowers, but it does change
perspective and appreciation
for the natural beauty of life
...and roses and tulips, and
Continuing the internal chatter
about this woman and what she did
to you is not meditation. Meditation
is silent, and draws on an inner
wisdom without words. Meditation
will melt the past, reveal the
wisdom of forgiveness (for both
yourself and this woman), and
restore your life to a positive
Find a good mediation teacher and let
them guide you to the real rewards