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Don't personalize what is happening to you

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  • Era
    . The only way someone can be of help to you is in challenging your ideas. If you re ready to listen and if you re ready to be challenged, there s one thing
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 4, 2005
      The only way someone can be of help to you is in challenging your
      ideas. If you're ready to listen and if you're ready to be challenged, there's one thing that you can do, but NO ONE CAN HELP YOU. 

      What is this most important thing of all? 

      It's called self-observation. No one can help you there. No one can give you a method. No one can show you a technique. The moment you pick up a technique,
      you're programmed again. But self-observation -- watching yourself -- is important.
      It is not the same as self-absorption. Self-absorption
      is self-preoccupation,
      where you're concerned about yourself, worried about yourself. 

      I'm talking about self-OBSERVATION.
      What's that? 

      It means to watch everything in you and around you as far as possible and watch it as if it were happening to someone else.  What does that last sentence mean? 
      It means that you do not
      personalize what is happening to you. It means that you look at things as if you have no connection with them whatsoever.

      The reason you suffer from your depression and your anxieties is that you identify with them.  You say, "I'm depressed." But that is false. You are not
      depressed. If you want to be accurate, you might say, "I am experiencing a depression right now." But you can hardly say,
      "I am depressed." You are not
      your depression. That is but a strange kind of tuck of the
      mind, a strange kind of illusion.  You have deluded yourself into thinking -- though you are not
      aware of it -- that you ARE your
      depression, that you ARE your anxiety, that you ARE your joy or the thrills that you have.
      "I am delighted!" You certainly
      are not delighted. Delight may
      be IN you right now, but wait around, it will change. It
      won't last: it never lasts; it
      keeps changing; it's always changing.

      Clouds come and go: some of them are black and some white, some
      of them are large, others small. 

      If we want to follow the analogy, you would be the sky, observing the
      clouds. You are a passive,
      detached observer. That's shocking, particularly to someone in the Western culture. You're not interfering. Don't interfere.  Don't ''fix'' anything. Watch! 


      The trouble with people is that they're busy fixing things they don't even understand. We're always fixing things, aren't we? 
      It never strikes us that things don't need to be fixed. They really don't.

      This is a great illumination. They need to be understood. If you understood
      them, they'd change.

      Anthony De Mello, SJ


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