Words of Off Topic Wisdom
- Thanks to my sister Judy for forwarding
these gems. Enjoy!
ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST
Once again, The Washington Post has published
the winning submissions to its yearly contest
in which readers are asked to supply
alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much
weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having
a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy~nilly (adj.): impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n ): a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his
conversation with Yiddish~isms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, when you die,
your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer
shorts worn by Jewish men.