Starting Over 6
- Hello again,
Let me start by saying thank you for allowing me to share my meditation
experiences. I find that writing these posts helps me to clarify what
happens during my sessions.
This morning's session brought some surprises. Over the weekend my sleep
pattern changed when I slept during the day and woke up in the middle of
the night. I could not get back to sleep. Waking up in the middle of the
night has happened for three days now.
This morning I woke up around 4:00 am and just lay there wondering what
to do. I was still a little sleepy but not enough to fall asleep and too
sleepy to do something like work on a proposal. Guess what I did. Of
course - I meditated.
I gave that background because my sleepiness affected my meditation in
an unusual way. I started normally and every thing went well, then very
suddenly I jerked upright. I was nodding off to sleep and had started to
lean precariously to my left. That startle had a peculiar effect on my
meditation. It triggered, very slightly, the release of endorphins. It
was so mild that I did not give it a second thought. I went back to my
meditation and the next thing I knew I was jerking myself upright again.
The strange thing was that because I had half nodded off to sleep, it
did not seem like much time had passed since the previous time I had
nodded of. Again I got a small shot of endorphins. This happened six
times and I started to ask myself why? It then happened a seventh time
and in a flash I realized that somehow my mind was using the jerking
upright to trigger a release of endorphins. When I had this realization
I had the most incredible burst of endorphins I can remember. I was just
wallowing in bliss. I kept thinking - if only I could do this during the
day. I tried to recreate the jerking sensation both mentally and
physically but it did not work. It is as if it does not work if you know
what you are trying to do. I gave up thinking about it and just basked
in the afterglow (which I can slightly still feel as I write this).
I have this sneaky feeling that I need to avoid building expectations of
new events like this in future meditations. I sense that this is not a
good path to follow and I have already started down that road. Maybe I
should take a break for a few days?