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letter to dear k****

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  • blueoceantiger
    Dear k**** I read your letter to the meditation site about struggling with being paralyzed and trying to heal, and i felt drawn to reply. Many of us struggle
    Message 1 of 2 , Oct 4, 2004
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      Dear k****

      I read your letter to the meditation site
      about struggling with being paralyzed and
      trying to heal, and i felt drawn to reply.

      Many of us struggle with conditions that
      appear resistant to change. While some
      appear more or less heart-breaking on the
      surface, most of us see aspects of our lives
      and in our world that we deeply wish were
      different.

      For a moment focusing purely on health, books
      and studies are full of spontaneous healings
      and almost everything has worked for
      someone and not for someone else. Sometimes
      these things that give us hope actually do
      us a disservice because they enable us to
      continue to refuse to accept what is present
      right now. Regardless of what may or may not
      occur at another time, this moment is all we
      really have, including everything we are aware
      of.

      Personally, it has been the things that have
      not changed, that have brought me to my knees
      to surrender, to give up, to realize there is
      nothing i can do, that have led to my greatest
      peace.

      And dear, K**** i am not speaking from a
      hypothetical understanding. Besides numerous
      obstacles, I faced having a herniated disc in my
      back with fragments pressing on nerves that caused
      unbearable agony for months and i was unable to
      walk for a period of time. Within this i painfully
      hit the wall of futility. Nothing worked. Although
      i thought i had surrendered already, i saw i had to
      go even deeper. By being forced to stop by being
      physically restrained truly threw me into myself
      with no escape. I finally accepted there was nothing
      i could do and began to come to terms with what is.
      i began to see how many things i had been pursuing
      to avoid being with myself, to keep me busy from being
      starkly alone with no hope. I had to face the
      loss of all my dreams, of being saved, redeemed,
      fixed. I initially read more books on healing
      and backs but eventually gave up. i ended up even
      unable to even watch the TV for escape after the 100th
      "touched by an angel", "oprah" and "jerry springer".
      Nothing shifted my reality. It was very much a form
      of death.

      As far as spiritual terrorists who like to blame
      people who suffer, if you wish you can buy into
      that or not. It is equally possible that this is
      the wake up call your life has come to where you
      are now faced with finding what is really important,
      really true and who you really are. Some of us may
      have so much that takes our attention in our outer
      lives, that only something of great magnitude like
      this can finally set us on the course of the return
      to our Self.

      The only way i have found to come to peace with who
      i am, is by being with myself and facing whatever
      arises. The sadness, the sense of loss, the anger,
      the questions, the hopes.

      Whatever is there, can you let it visit with you?
      Regardless of the outcome of your ability to walk,
      your body may be relieved to not have to carry the
      weight of feelings and thoughts you may have wished
      to avoid. To be able to relax into what is here, to
      be reassured that no matter what is going on, dear
      K****, that you are willing to be here with all of
      this, in the end actually means everything.

      Many of us receive the opposite message from our world,
      that it is not ok to be here as we are. And although the
      reasons may appear different, i.e.. we're too young, too
      old, too poor, too smart, not attractive enough, too rich,
      too addicted, not good enough, unenlightened, too sick, and
      on and on, the effect is the same. It creates resistance to
      and distance from, who we really are. K****, there is
      a peace that underlies all circumstances and it is
      available to all of us. Meditation without an agenda may
      give you a chance to open to this. Is it possible for you
      to, for even just a moment, be with yourself just as you
      are, without trying to change it? If you can give this
      gift to yourself, as well as to others, the possibilities
      are endless.

      I am not talking about a false optimism. In fact, a few
      relationships ended because they liked to lecture me how
      i just had to be positive....and that is ok. I may have
      stayed in denial longer. I discovered for me that i had
      to welcome everything, initially simply face it, and then
      i had to let go of everything.

      At the same time, i honour your desire for complete healing.
      All of us who experience suffering in ourselves and others
      continue to reach out to what is drawing us, and in paying
      attention we do continue to unfold. Look to what is essential,
      true and completely whole, in all ways. Every sentient being
      on this world is still in the process of all being/becoming
      conscious and free of suffering whether as self or in service
      for "others". Each place that is faced with openness, creates
      clear space for us all.

      Please, please allow yourself to feel the truth underneath that
      in the ways that really matter, nothing is wrong with what you
      have been doing, with who you are and with what is truly here.
      And no matter what you do, the paradox of all this is, do not
      give up hope. The very part that reaches out with questions,
      has the answer.

      i wish you the best,

      namaste,
      --josie--
    • Nina
      What a good letter, Josie. Absorption in one s illnesses and failings can be a sickness in itself. Some would say, it is the primary sickness. I live in a town
      Message 2 of 2 , Oct 5, 2004
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        What a good letter, Josie. Absorption in one's
        illnesses and failings can be a sickness in itself.
        Some would say, it is the primary sickness.

        I live in a town that is full of 'healers',
        who, for one reason or another, have really
        bought into the story that you have to keep
        working on yourself to heal. Ach, the stories
        I could tell about the subtle and not-so-subtle
        ways that they manipulate their 'patients'
        and themselves. Because there is a critical
        mass here, that sort of thinking gets reinforced.
        We are such social creatures, so easily misled
        by the promise of connection.

        Nina



        --- In meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com, "blueoceantiger"
        <jkane@d...> wrote:
        >
        > Dear k****
        >
        > I read your letter to the meditation site
        > about struggling with being paralyzed and
        > trying to heal, and i felt drawn to reply.
        >
        > Many of us struggle with conditions that
        > appear resistant to change. While some
        > appear more or less heart-breaking on the
        > surface, most of us see aspects of our lives
        > and in our world that we deeply wish were
        > different.
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