letter to dear k****
- Dear k****
I read your letter to the meditation site
about struggling with being paralyzed and
trying to heal, and i felt drawn to reply.
Many of us struggle with conditions that
appear resistant to change. While some
appear more or less heart-breaking on the
surface, most of us see aspects of our lives
and in our world that we deeply wish were
For a moment focusing purely on health, books
and studies are full of spontaneous healings
and almost everything has worked for
someone and not for someone else. Sometimes
these things that give us hope actually do
us a disservice because they enable us to
continue to refuse to accept what is present
right now. Regardless of what may or may not
occur at another time, this moment is all we
really have, including everything we are aware
Personally, it has been the things that have
not changed, that have brought me to my knees
to surrender, to give up, to realize there is
nothing i can do, that have led to my greatest
And dear, K**** i am not speaking from a
hypothetical understanding. Besides numerous
obstacles, I faced having a herniated disc in my
back with fragments pressing on nerves that caused
unbearable agony for months and i was unable to
walk for a period of time. Within this i painfully
hit the wall of futility. Nothing worked. Although
i thought i had surrendered already, i saw i had to
go even deeper. By being forced to stop by being
physically restrained truly threw me into myself
with no escape. I finally accepted there was nothing
i could do and began to come to terms with what is.
i began to see how many things i had been pursuing
to avoid being with myself, to keep me busy from being
starkly alone with no hope. I had to face the
loss of all my dreams, of being saved, redeemed,
fixed. I initially read more books on healing
and backs but eventually gave up. i ended up even
unable to even watch the TV for escape after the 100th
"touched by an angel", "oprah" and "jerry springer".
Nothing shifted my reality. It was very much a form
As far as spiritual terrorists who like to blame
people who suffer, if you wish you can buy into
that or not. It is equally possible that this is
the wake up call your life has come to where you
are now faced with finding what is really important,
really true and who you really are. Some of us may
have so much that takes our attention in our outer
lives, that only something of great magnitude like
this can finally set us on the course of the return
to our Self.
The only way i have found to come to peace with who
i am, is by being with myself and facing whatever
arises. The sadness, the sense of loss, the anger,
the questions, the hopes.
Whatever is there, can you let it visit with you?
Regardless of the outcome of your ability to walk,
your body may be relieved to not have to carry the
weight of feelings and thoughts you may have wished
to avoid. To be able to relax into what is here, to
be reassured that no matter what is going on, dear
K****, that you are willing to be here with all of
this, in the end actually means everything.
Many of us receive the opposite message from our world,
that it is not ok to be here as we are. And although the
reasons may appear different, i.e.. we're too young, too
old, too poor, too smart, not attractive enough, too rich,
too addicted, not good enough, unenlightened, too sick, and
on and on, the effect is the same. It creates resistance to
and distance from, who we really are. K****, there is
a peace that underlies all circumstances and it is
available to all of us. Meditation without an agenda may
give you a chance to open to this. Is it possible for you
to, for even just a moment, be with yourself just as you
are, without trying to change it? If you can give this
gift to yourself, as well as to others, the possibilities
I am not talking about a false optimism. In fact, a few
relationships ended because they liked to lecture me how
i just had to be positive....and that is ok. I may have
stayed in denial longer. I discovered for me that i had
to welcome everything, initially simply face it, and then
i had to let go of everything.
At the same time, i honour your desire for complete healing.
All of us who experience suffering in ourselves and others
continue to reach out to what is drawing us, and in paying
attention we do continue to unfold. Look to what is essential,
true and completely whole, in all ways. Every sentient being
on this world is still in the process of all being/becoming
conscious and free of suffering whether as self or in service
for "others". Each place that is faced with openness, creates
clear space for us all.
Please, please allow yourself to feel the truth underneath that
in the ways that really matter, nothing is wrong with what you
have been doing, with who you are and with what is truly here.
And no matter what you do, the paradox of all this is, do not
give up hope. The very part that reaches out with questions,
has the answer.
i wish you the best,
- What a good letter, Josie. Absorption in one's
illnesses and failings can be a sickness in itself.
Some would say, it is the primary sickness.
I live in a town that is full of 'healers',
who, for one reason or another, have really
bought into the story that you have to keep
working on yourself to heal. Ach, the stories
I could tell about the subtle and not-so-subtle
ways that they manipulate their 'patients'
and themselves. Because there is a critical
mass here, that sort of thinking gets reinforced.
We are such social creatures, so easily misled
by the promise of connection.
--- In email@example.com, "blueoceantiger"
> Dear k****
> I read your letter to the meditation site
> about struggling with being paralyzed and
> trying to heal, and i felt drawn to reply.
> Many of us struggle with conditions that
> appear resistant to change. While some
> appear more or less heart-breaking on the
> surface, most of us see aspects of our lives
> and in our world that we deeply wish were