- good expressions.
>From: "blueoceantiger" <jkane@...>Aloke
>Subject: [Meditation Society of America] for the one who feels unloved
>Date: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 20:12:24 -0000
>Dear R*** from Pakistan:
>I acknowledge your feeling that you have
>not experienced love. In this world even
>those that do experience what they call love,
>often come up with pain and the awareness that
>it has always been conditional when this is
>really looked at. Love based on being a good
>boy, good girl, good student, good worker,
>good parent, good partner, good friend, good
>citizen. When we begin to look at what love
>really is, as an unconditional presence that
>accepts us totally and completely as we are,
>with nothing needed in exchange, then it
>becomes more evident this is rarely the case
>in the world.
>As far as what love may mean if you continue to
>look at this with yourself, or with others, i
>will share my own experience. I have had a history
>of extreme trauma and abuse and grew up thinking i
>had to do something to receive love. I saw it as
>something earned and something between things. As
>my own unfolding has occurred, and probably mainly
>because of my ongoing, intense longing to know love,
>to know the absolute, i have tried many things.
>In the end what has helped is becoming willing to
>be "with" myself. That for me is what meditation is
>about. Taking the time to release expectations of
>doing, and to just be. When i offer myself an
>unconditional space, and allow what arises including
>any feelings i've avoided, clear awareness opens.
>Within this, love becomes known. At one point i thought
>nothing was inside, and that was part of my fear.
>I came to this awareness through pain, through
>accepting nothing outside would ever fill the ache,
>the part that felt unlovable. I hit a point where
>realizing i had nothing left, i surrendered. I gave
>up thinking i could ever have what i thought i wanted.
>And when i opened to what seemed like nothing and
>accepted that, it opened all kinds of possibilities.
>This emptiness inside is actually the most
>receptive unconditional love of all. It asks
>nothing and expects nothing. And as i remain
>with this it becomes clear this is who i am on
>a deeper level, and really on all levels. And
>yet what can really be said about this is so
>wordless. There are so many cliches and aphorisms,
>many starting with "all you have to do is...."
>and i used to find that frustrating. it seemed
>every book ended with and in conclusion, "all
>you have to do is love yourself". and i would
>think, yeah, but how?
>i do know that my search all along was my love
>looking out for me. you've ended up at Bob Rose's
>site and online because you too are looking.
>i reach across countries, and i genuinely wish you
>to know that we all have this Heart, it is the same
>that beats my heart, that beats your heart. It is
>this aliveness that flows through us all that comes
>as love. It can be easy to mistake because it is
>like nothing of the images the daily world shows.
>It can be very quiet, non-assuming, present and
>i suspect as you continue you will recognize it
>has actually been here all along.
>i speak from heart to heart. after reading beautiful
>online posts only a few nights ago, i cried feeling so
>sad that i had no way to express or stand for love.
>i am equally drawn in places online where clarity
>and wisdom are so honored, however love sometimes
>get misrepresented as something fluffy and unimportant.
>i felt so overcome with my resonance with the love
>that radiates, and so limited in my ability to
>represent it in places where it is denied or put down.
>and so i write to you as myself today and as my own
>acknowledgment of "love". i believe in love, i
>experience love and it is what i bow to. it is grace
>that has opened this for me. and what i experience
>now is not what could ever come from outside, it could
>only be recognized as what sources all that is.
>what can serve to separate me from my awareness of love
>are my thoughts. and yet i have come to see that they
>too are simply seeking love. welcoming all that arises
>within is the essence of unconditional love and allows
>all obstruction to dissipate, so that this radiance
>may be clear, unmistakably present, right here and now,
>freely available for all.
>and so as i conclude this, i open my heart to all that
>may feel unloved within me, and within the wordless
>silence, there is stillness and embrace.
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