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for the one who feels unloved

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  • blueoceantiger
    Dear R*** from Pakistan: I acknowledge your feeling that you have not experienced love. In this world even those that do experience what they call love, often
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 14, 2004
      Dear R*** from Pakistan:

      I acknowledge your feeling that you have
      not experienced love. In this world even
      those that do experience what they call love,
      often come up with pain and the awareness that
      it has always been conditional when this is
      really looked at. Love based on being a good
      boy, good girl, good student, good worker,
      good parent, good partner, good friend, good
      citizen. When we begin to look at what love
      really is, as an unconditional presence that
      accepts us totally and completely as we are,
      with nothing needed in exchange, then it
      becomes more evident this is rarely the case
      in the world.

      As far as what love may mean if you continue to
      look at this with yourself, or with others, i
      will share my own experience. I have had a history
      of extreme trauma and abuse and grew up thinking i
      had to do something to receive love. I saw it as
      something earned and something between things. As
      my own unfolding has occurred, and probably mainly
      because of my ongoing, intense longing to know love,
      to know the absolute, i have tried many things.

      In the end what has helped is becoming willing to
      be "with" myself. That for me is what meditation is
      about. Taking the time to release expectations of
      doing, and to just be. When i offer myself an
      unconditional space, and allow what arises including
      any feelings i've avoided, clear awareness opens.
      Within this, love becomes known. At one point i thought
      nothing was inside, and that was part of my fear.
      I came to this awareness through pain, through
      accepting nothing outside would ever fill the ache,
      the part that felt unlovable. I hit a point where
      realizing i had nothing left, i surrendered. I gave
      up thinking i could ever have what i thought i wanted.
      And when i opened to what seemed like nothing and
      accepted that, it opened all kinds of possibilities.

      This emptiness inside is actually the most
      receptive unconditional love of all. It asks
      nothing and expects nothing. And as i remain
      with this it becomes clear this is who i am on
      a deeper level, and really on all levels. And
      yet what can really be said about this is so
      wordless. There are so many cliches and aphorisms,
      many starting with "all you have to do is...."
      and i used to find that frustrating. it seemed
      every book ended with and in conclusion, "all
      you have to do is love yourself". and i would
      think, yeah, but how?

      i do know that my search all along was my love
      looking out for me. you've ended up at Bob Rose's
      site and online because you too are looking.
      i reach across countries, and i genuinely wish you
      to know that we all have this Heart, it is the same
      that beats my heart, that beats your heart. It is
      this aliveness that flows through us all that comes
      as love. It can be easy to mistake because it is
      like nothing of the images the daily world shows.
      It can be very quiet, non-assuming, present and
      i suspect as you continue you will recognize it
      has actually been here all along.

      i speak from heart to heart. after reading beautiful
      online posts only a few nights ago, i cried feeling so
      sad that i had no way to express or stand for love.
      i am equally drawn in places online where clarity
      and wisdom are so honored, however love sometimes
      get misrepresented as something fluffy and unimportant.
      i felt so overcome with my resonance with the love
      that radiates, and so limited in my ability to
      represent it in places where it is denied or put down.
      and so i write to you as myself today and as my own
      acknowledgment of "love". i believe in love, i
      experience love and it is what i bow to. it is grace
      that has opened this for me. and what i experience
      now is not what could ever come from outside, it could
      only be recognized as what sources all that is.

      what can serve to separate me from my awareness of love
      are my thoughts. and yet i have come to see that they
      too are simply seeking love. welcoming all that arises
      within is the essence of unconditional love and allows
      all obstruction to dissipate, so that this radiance
      may be clear, unmistakably present, right here and now,
      freely available for all.

      and so as i conclude this, i open my heart to all that
      may feel unloved within me, and within the wordless
      silence, there is stillness and embrace.

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