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RE: [Meditation Society of America] Journal Entry - November 04 - tosime

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  • Tony
    Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 05 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:15 a.m. Duration: 66 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
    Message 1 of 21 , Nov 5, 2002
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      Journal Entry - tosime
      Date: November 05
      Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
      Time: 07:15 a.m.
      Duration: 66 minutes (open)
      Posture: Seated on chair
      Body: Eyes closed,
      - tongue tip to pallet,
      - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
      Room Condition: Darkened room
      - One candle
      - Incense
      - Essential Oil - (Rainforest Flowers+water on burner)
      - Bell
      Pre-session: Sip of water
      - full body stretch (3 times).
      Previous day's influence: Posts from 'G' and Eve.
      Mind Chatter: Medium - Low.
      Waves of bliss: 2.
      Experience: Very Good Session.

      Result:

      'G' and Eve's posts were so inspiring that I started my session imagining
      that the three of us were meditating together. This gave me a very peaceful
      feeling and helped reduce my mind chatter. Chanted a silent OM during this
      period.

      Mind wandered on a number of topics influenced by recent events. Some
      solutions to problems and some 'creative imagery'.

      Able to still my mind for brief periods and go deeper into my meditation.

      Experienced a wave of bliss - very light. Towards the end of the session my
      'creative imagery' resulted in another wave of bliss of a different quality.

      Overall a very good session. I ended feeling rested - much more so than when
      I woke up.
    • G
      ... sure if it was because I did not sleep well or possibly something I ate last night. ... happened? ... to correct the problem? G hhahahahahaha
      Message 2 of 21 , Nov 5, 2002
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        --- In meditationsocietyofamerica@y..., "Tony" <tosime@b...> wrote:

        >
        > Result: Feeling slightly ill then explored meditation depth.
        >
        > Feeling "under the weather" at the start of the session. Was not
        sure if it > was because I did not sleep well or possibly something I
        ate last night.
        > Amazingly, by the end of the session all symptoms had gone. What
        happened?
        > Was it all in my mind, or did the meditation give my body the space
        to > correct the problem?

        G hhahahahahaha everything within the transient world experience
        is simply mind created - sustained - or demolished... once you were
        no longer holding it or giving it attention and life it simply
        dissipated as non-essential...

        Love shanti om ...g...
        in rishikesh...
      • Tony
        Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 10 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:45 a.m. Duration: 66 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
        Message 3 of 21 , Nov 10, 2002
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          Journal Entry - tosime
          Date: November 10
          Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
          Time: 07:45 a.m.
          Duration: 66 minutes (open)
          Posture: Seated on chair
          Body: Eyes closed,
          - tongue tip to pallet,
          - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
          Room Condition: Darkened room
          - One candle
          - Incense
          - Essential Oil - (Dawn+water on burner)
          - Bell
          Pre-session: Sip of water
          - full body stretch (3 times).
          Previous day's influence: Training delivery.
          Mind Chatter: Medium.
          Waves of bliss: none.
          Experience: Good Session.

          Result:

          Started still basking from the warm feelings from the training courses I
          delivered during the last 3 days. Lots of ideas for improving the courses
          and there were powerful transformations in people as they made pyridine
          shifts.

          Noticed how my transitions between the stages of my meditation are
          different. Why, when my physical body is calm and there is no thought (or
          very little thought), there is a swell of inner sounds during the
          transition? What is happening at this time? Is it that my consciousness is
          expanding so I become aware of things that were formerly beyond my
          consciousness?

          Towards the end of the session I felt as if I was no longer in control. My
          eyes opened involuntary for a few minutes and I took in the scene, then
          closed them again and came out of the session.

          During today's session I was able to recreate different scenes and events.
          For example I imagined myself living in a different house in a remote
          location. I kept wondering whether real life events are actually better than
          the imagined event. I seemed to be developing an indifference between them.

          During the session I experienced brief body movements as if I was being
          gently manipulated.

          A good session today. Feeling very peaceful and relaxed.
        • Tony
          I am having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting regular stuff for the time being. Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 11 Type:
          Message 4 of 21 , Nov 11, 2002
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            I am having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting
            regular stuff for the time being.

            Journal Entry - tosime
            Date: November 11
            Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
            Time: 07:05 a.m.
            Duration: 49 minutes (open)
            Posture: Seated on chair
            Body: Eyes closed,
            - tongue tip to pallet,
            - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
            Room Condition: Darkened room
            - One candle
            - Incense
            - Essential Oil - (Dawn+water on burner)
            - Bell
            Pre-session: Sip of water
            - full body stretch (3 times).
            Previous day's influence: Still the training delivery.
            Mind Chatter: Medium.
            Waves of bliss: none.
            Experience: Very Good Session.

            Result:

            Very good session. Still having warm feelings from the training session 3
            days ago.

            Decided to take a closer look at mind chatter.

            First I looked at the images that come and go. Rather than see the pictures
            I decided to look at how the pictures came and went. Developed an image of a
            man at a counter reaching behind him to pull out a large card from on of the
            shelves. As soon as he places the card on the counter it becomes an image in
            my mind. He is a friendly person and smiles and waves at me. He is ready to
            co-operate. What I see is that all he is trying to do is select the best
            picture for whatever thought I have. He has millions of pictures and tries
            his best to find the most suitable one. I ask him to slow down a little,
            relax and for a brief period, do not send me any pictures. He nods agreement
            and gives me a thumbs up sign. The images slow down and almost stop
            completely.

            I then look at my voice-over or the running commentary. I translate this to
            a stand up comedian who is sitting on a tall stool while holding a
            microphone. He is speaking all my thoughts. I give him a signal to stop
            speaking for a while. He shrugs his shoulders - he might co-operate.

            For a brief period the images stop and the mind chatter stops. The inner
            sounds come to the foreground and become very prominent. I then take on the
            identity of an inner sound. It grows and starts a wave of bliss. Just as it
            starts, I question what is happening and immediately my stand up comedian
            voices my questioning and the picture man places an image on the counter.

            I sigh - at least I had a brief moment of no-thought and no images. Decided
            to give up this effort for the mean time and asked the image man to give me
            a pleasant scene. I was put on the warm beach of a coral island. I was
            walking into the warm water. The whole scene was very beautiful and my body
            responded as if it was really happening. In some ways it felt better than
            the real thing.

            Came out of my meditation feeling calm and refreshed.
          • Tony
            I am still having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting regular stuff for the time being. Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 12 Type:
            Message 5 of 21 , Nov 12, 2002
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              I am still having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting
              regular stuff for the time being.

              Journal Entry - tosime
              Date: November 12
              Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
              Time: 07:40 a.m.
              Duration: 55 minutes (open)
              Posture: Seated on chair
              Body: Eyes closed,
              - tongue tip to pallet,
              - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
              Room Condition: Darkened room
              - One candle
              - Incense
              - Essential Oil - (Lavender+water on burner)
              - Bell
              Pre-session: Sip of water
              - full body stretch (3 times).
              Previous day's influence: Second yoga class.
              Mind Chatter: Medium.
              Waves of bliss: Two.
              Experience: Excellent Session.

              Result:

              Had many, varied experiences today - I will be lucky if I can remember half
              of them.

              Decided to reach a no-mind state without thinking about the process. No
              analogies, just a simple stilling my mind.

              Before then, I went through the usual period of physical relaxation and
              giving my mind freedom to roam until I was relaxed enough to start a gradual
              shut down in thinking.

              During this period I saw how the previous day's incidents surfaced inside
              different situations. For example a feeling of curiosity about something I
              saw would surface as the same feeling coming up in a different situation.
              Once I saw the link to the previous day's incidence, the whole scene
              dissolved. As soon as I understood the process, I did not have to wait for
              the new scene to play itself out. All I needed to do was recognize the
              feeling and link it to the previous day's incidence and I could pass that
              episode much quicker than before. Did this a few times and it accelerated my
              movement through that phase or stage in my meditation.

              After stilling my mind, I felt stirrings of a wave of bliss. Just after the
              initial stirring I had this "knowing" that this wave would peak (most
              stirrings do not peak). There was no physical or "mental" indication that it
              would peak - just a strange knowing that seemed to have no form. My wave
              peaked. I then focused on the "knowing" and my whole body erupted as if to
              confirm that I had discovered something very important. My lower back (where
              I had felt pain) adjusted itself as if to confirm that this was what it was
              trying to tell me all the time. I had another wave of bliss.

              This intuitive sensation seems like an important door I have just opened.
              The problem is that the door has no visible handle or frame - nothing that
              would make it look like a door. You only knew it was a door when you went
              through it and noticed the difference in how the world appeared.

              By now all the other experiences during this meditation have faded from
              memory. This was a beautiful session. I can imagine how empty life would be
              without meditation!
            • Tony
              I am having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting regular stuff for the time being. Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 13 Type:
              Message 6 of 21 , Nov 13, 2002
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                I am having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting
                regular stuff for the time being.

                Journal Entry - tosime
                Date: November 13
                Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                Time: 07:30 a.m.
                Duration: 45 minutes (open)
                Posture: Seated on chair
                Body: Eyes closed,
                - tongue tip to pallet,
                - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                Room Condition: Darkened room
                - One candle
                - Incense
                - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                - Bell
                Pre-session: Sip of water
                - full body stretch (3 times).
                Previous day's influence: Third yoga class.
                Mind Chatter: Low.
                Waves of bliss: One slight.
                Experience: Fair Session.

                Result:

                Light simple session.

                Wanted to explore the intuitive "knowing" I experienced yesterday. Nothing
                came up.

                Very little mind chatter.

                Felt an itch in my right arm. Normally I would have scratched it. Since I
                was meditating, decided to remain still. The itch triggered a minor wave of
                bliss.

                Not much activity today. Very simple session. Reached very deep levels of
                physical relaxation and the inner sounds were quite strong at one point.

                Came out of the session quite abruptly.
              • Tony
                Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 14 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 03:10 a.m. Duration: 53 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                Message 7 of 21 , Nov 14, 2002
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                  Journal Entry - tosime
                  Date: November 14
                  Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                  Time: 03:10 a.m.
                  Duration: 53 minutes (open)
                  Posture: Seated on chair
                  Body: Eyes closed,
                  - tongue tip to pallet,
                  - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                  Room Condition: Darkened room
                  - One candle
                  - Incense
                  - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                  - Bell
                  Pre-session: Sip of water
                  - full body stretch (3 times).
                  Previous day's influence: Documentary on body decomposition (Death Farm?).
                  Mind Chatter: Low.
                  Waves of bliss: None.
                  Experience: Good Session.

                  Result:

                  Physical recovery from a hard gym session combined with yoga working slack
                  muscles resulting in soreness and fatigue. Slept early and work up in the
                  middle of the night. Decided to have an early meditation.

                  Noticed how body processes are very sensitive to the most subtle thought. I
                  felt as if part of my mind was probing me to see if I was ready for new
                  experiences. I resisted very subtlety but my mind responded instantly and
                  strongly to the resistance and backed away - even after I tried to simulate
                  acceptance. Very strangely this led to thoughts about OBEs.

                  I experienced a major surge of inner sounds when the idea of having an OBE
                  came up. It was as if my body and mind were preparing for an OBE. Everything
                  seemed set but I could not trigger an exit. Did not really feel like doing
                  it even though my body and mind seemed like they wanted it and were ready.

                  This experience reminded me of a documentary on lightning. Certain "charge
                  channels" (I can't remember the technical term) are formed prior to the
                  lightning strike. These flow from the target to the source of the lightning
                  and the lightning then flows along these channels when the strike occurs. I
                  see a similar process happening in meditation. The mind creates these
                  channels for the "events" to flow through. The slightest doubt or hesitation
                  breaks or closes the channels.

                  Came out of the meditation very abruptly.
                • Tony
                  Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 15 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:30 a.m. Duration: 55 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                  Message 8 of 21 , Nov 15, 2002
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                    Journal Entry - tosime
                    Date: November 15
                    Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                    Time: 07:30 a.m.
                    Duration: 55 minutes (open)
                    Posture: Seated on chair
                    Body: Eyes closed,
                    - tongue tip to pallet,
                    - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                    Room Condition: Darkened room
                    - One candle
                    - Incense - one stick
                    - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                    Pre-session: Ring Bell
                    - Sip of water
                    - Ear plugs
                    - full body stretch (3 times).
                    Previous day's influence: Meditation session.
                    Mind Chatter: Medium - Low.
                    Waves of bliss: None.
                    Experience: Good Session.

                    Result:

                    Relaxed Session. Focused on keeping channels open (based on yesterday's
                    session).

                    Aim is not to react to anything that comes up - no matter how unusual. A
                    mental state of no anticipation and complete openness - quite vulnerable.

                    Turned into an easy, relaxed session. Lots of stillness and peace. Very low
                    mind chatter and very deep physical relaxation.

                    Inner sounds got quite high at one point. The surge in inner sounds almost
                    felt like a wave of bliss without the climax.

                    The keeping channels open approach did not induce any new experiences but
                    did point the way to a smoother more relaxed session.

                    Finished feeling refreshed and well rested.
                  • Tony
                    Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 18 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 08:45 a.m. Duration: 38 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                    Message 9 of 21 , Nov 18, 2002
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                      Journal Entry - tosime
                      Date: November 18
                      Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                      Time: 08:45 a.m.
                      Duration: 38 minutes (open)
                      Posture: Seated on chair
                      Body: Eyes closed,
                      - tongue tip to pallet,
                      - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                      Room Condition: Darkened room
                      - One candle
                      - Incense - one stick
                      - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                      Pre-session: Ring Bell
                      - Sip of water
                      - Ear plugs
                      - full body stretch (3 times).
                      Previous day's influence: Training delivery.
                      Mind Chatter: Medium.
                      Waves of bliss: None.
                      Experience: Good Session.

                      Result:

                      Explored how to reach deeper levels of relaxation, especially when there is
                      no physical feedback after a certain point.

                      The last physical feedback I get is a slight drooling sensation (strangely
                      the negative connotations have gone and have now become positive). After
                      that, feedback is basically, easier control over mind chatter and certain
                      inner sounds that start up.

                      Explored the importance of the inner "knowing". This is an awareness of
                      something that will happen when there is no sensation that this knowing has
                      come. This is hard to put into words. Imagine being alone in a room. Then
                      suddenly behind you a person materializes. However you cannot see the person
                      and the only way you know someone is there is when you "decide" to sense for
                      the person. When you do this, the person becomes visible (I guess intuition
                      is a good word for this). The key for me is how to "decide" to sense for the
                      person. There is nothing "obvious" to key into. I guess a certain type of
                      receptivity is needed. However further than this is the desire to "become"
                      this "knowing". Again, very hard to put into words.

                      When I explored these thoughts, I felt a strong affirmative sensation. Deep
                      levels of relaxation seems to be the best approach even though it is not
                      necessary or sufficient.

                      After a certain level of relaxation I could feel my lower back adjusting
                      very slightly. I sense that in any fixed position, your muscles are
                      continually adjusting to shift the strain. I think I was able to feel this
                      happening.
                    • tosime
                      Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 20 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:30 a.m. Duration: 43 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                      Message 10 of 21 , Nov 20, 2002
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                        Journal Entry - tosime
                        Date: November 20
                        Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                        Time: 07:30 a.m.
                        Duration: 43 minutes (open)
                        Posture: Seated on chair
                        Body: Eyes closed,
                        - tongue tip to pallet,
                        - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                        Room Condition: Darkened room
                        - One candle
                        - Incense - one stick
                        - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                        Pre-session: Ring Bell
                        - Sip of water
                        - Ear plugs
                        - full body stretch (3 times).
                        Previous day's influence: Solving a PC problem.
                        Mind Chatter: Medium.
                        Waves of bliss: None.
                        Experience: Very Good Session.

                        Result:

                        Missed yesterday's session as I was up most of the night (and next day)
                        trying to solve a software glitch on my PC. Eventually solved it when my
                        inner state was calm.

                        Explored the importance of feeling your inner state at all times. In
                        meditation our physical stillness allows us to observe our inner state very
                        clearly. With inner sounds meditation I am always amazed at how much
                        activity there is even when we are physically and mentally calm.

                        Explored how external events can be filtered through the lens of our inner
                        state. Even turbulent external events help us to observe our inner state as
                        we watch our reaction. I look forward to the time when I no longer see
                        people but instead see their inner state and my reflection in their inner
                        state.

                        Noticed today how my better meditation sessions happen when I take my time
                        during the preparation for meditation. Today, just before lighting the
                        candle, I decided to clean the candle holder. This action brought a lot of
                        calm. My full body stretch is a sort of yoga pose. Today I put more
                        awareness into the action and extended the stretch and deepened my breaths.

                        Very reluctant to come out of my meditation since it was so pleasant.
                        Eventually I came out gently. Very good session today.
                      • tosime
                        Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 20 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:30 a.m. Duration: 57 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                        Message 11 of 21 , Nov 22, 2002
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                          Journal Entry - tosime
                          Date: November 20
                          Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                          Time: 07:30 a.m.
                          Duration: 57 minutes (open)
                          Posture: Seated on chair
                          Body: Eyes closed,
                          - tongue tip to pallet,
                          - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                          Room Condition: Darkened room
                          - One candle
                          - Incense - one stick
                          - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                          Pre-session: Ring Bell
                          - Sip of water
                          - Ear plugs
                          - full body stretch (3 times).
                          Previous day's influence: None.
                          Mind Chatter: Low.
                          Waves of bliss: 2-slight.
                          Experience: Good Session.

                          Result:
                          Simple session. Focus on physical relaxation.

                          Very deep levels of physical relaxation. Became very sensitive to physical
                          sensations. The slightest sensation on my skin would send waves of
                          sensations all through my body.

                          Very low levels of mind chatter. Noticed that where there was a scene with
                          another person, they spoke with a voice that was me imitating that person.

                          Major project meeting today - good relaxation in preparation so I am in the
                          best frame of mind.
                        • tosime
                          Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 22 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:10 a.m. Duration: 40 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                          Message 12 of 21 , Nov 22, 2002
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                            Journal Entry - tosime
                            Date: November 22
                            Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                            Time: 07:10 a.m.
                            Duration: 40 minutes (open)
                            Posture: Seated on chair
                            Body: Eyes closed,
                            - tongue tip to pallet,
                            - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                            Room Condition: Darkened room
                            - One candle
                            - Incense - one stick
                            - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                            Pre-session: Ring Bell
                            - Sip of water
                            - Ear plugs
                            - full body stretch (3 times).
                            Previous day's influence: Although an excellent day, my interpretation was
                            the major factor
                            Mind Chatter: Medium.
                            Waves of bliss: None.
                            Experience: Good Session.

                            Result:

                            Interesting imagery of being enveloped by a cloak of inner sounds. Then as
                            meditation progressed each layer of the cloak unfolded to reveal deeper
                            layers within.

                            Each layer revealed deeper levels of stillness and peace.

                            Each layer resulted in less body sensation. Nice sense of peace as each
                            layer unfolded. Good sense that most problems are mind created.

                            Ended quite suddenly.
                          • tosime
                            Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 23 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 05:00 a.m. Duration: ? (open) Posture: Seated on chair Body:
                            Message 13 of 21 , Nov 25, 2002
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                              Journal Entry - tosime
                              Date: November 23
                              Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                              Time: 05:00 a.m.
                              Duration: ? (open)
                              Posture: Seated on chair
                              Body: Eyes closed,
                              - tongue tip to pallet,
                              - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                              Room Condition: Darkened room
                              - One candle
                              - Incense - one stick
                              - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                              Pre-session: Ring Bell
                              - Sip of water
                              - Ear plugs
                              - full body stretch (3 times).
                              Previous day's influence: None.
                              Mind Chatter: ?.
                              Waves of bliss: None.
                              Experience: Poor Session.

                              Result:

                              Power cut and generator problems interrupted session. Tried to continue
                              later but the disruption was too great. Woke early to deliver a training
                              session that day.
                            • tosime
                              Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 24 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:10 a.m. Duration: 61 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                              Message 14 of 21 , Nov 25, 2002
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                                Journal Entry - tosime
                                Date: November 24
                                Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                Time: 07:10 a.m.
                                Duration: 61 minutes (open)
                                Posture: Seated on chair
                                Body: Eyes closed,
                                - tongue tip to pallet,
                                - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                Room Condition: Darkened room
                                - One candle
                                - Incense - one stick
                                - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                                Pre-session: Ring Bell (forgot)
                                - Sip of water
                                - Ear plugs
                                - full body stretch (3 times).
                                Previous day's influence: Can't remember.
                                Mind Chatter: Medium - high.
                                Waves of bliss: None.
                                Experience: Good Session.

                                Result: Unusual session

                                No bell - forgot to ring
                                Started by staring at the flickering candle - it was captivating, seemed
                                like it was alive!
                                No orderly progression - body and mind seemed to be on different tracks.
                                Seemed like my body was doing one thing and my mind was doing something
                                else.

                                However, very deep levels of physical relaxation. Loosing sensation in parts
                                of my body such as face.
                              • tosime
                                Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 25 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:30 a.m. Duration: 41 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                                Message 15 of 21 , Nov 25, 2002
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                                  Journal Entry - tosime
                                  Date: November 25
                                  Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                  Time: 07:30 a.m.
                                  Duration: 41 minutes (open)
                                  Posture: Seated on chair
                                  Body: Eyes closed,
                                  - tongue tip to pallet,
                                  - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                  Room Condition: Darkened room
                                  - One candle
                                  - Incense - one stick
                                  - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                                  Pre-session: Ring Bell
                                  - Sip of water
                                  - Ear plugs
                                  - full body stretch (3 times).
                                  Previous day's influence: Nonduality digest post - American Beauty.
                                  Mind Chatter: Medium.
                                  Waves of bliss: None.
                                  Experience: Very Good Session.

                                  Result: Interesting session today - hard to put into words

                                  Quote from post
                                  "...I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes when
                                  you die.
                                  First off that one second isn't one second at all, it stretches on forever
                                  like an
                                  ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at boy scout camp watching
                                  falling stars, and yellow leaves from the maple trees that lined our street,
                                  or
                                  my grandmother's hands and the way her skin seemed like paper, and the first
                                  time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new firebird. And Janie. And Janie. And
                                  Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed-off about what happened to me, but
                                  it's hard to stay mad when there's so much Beauty in the world. Sometimes I
                                  feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much, and my heart fills
                                  up like a
                                  balloon that's about to burst, and then I remember to relax and stop trying
                                  to
                                  hold onto it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel
                                  anything but
                                  gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea
                                  what I'm talking about, but don't worry, you will someday..."

                                  -Lester Burnam from "American Beauty"

                                  Normal start - allowed my mind to be free until my body had relaxed enough
                                  for me to direct the meditation. Today I decided to find out how long this
                                  takes, so when the inner sounds changed tone to signal the transition to the
                                  next stage, I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. It was about 20
                                  minutes into the session.

                                  After closing my eyes, I realized that I had gone backwards about a minute
                                  or so into the meditation. I had to wait for about a minute to get back to
                                  the "take over" point. The change in tone happened again and I took control
                                  as usual.

                                  The initial dialogue in American Beauty came up. It dawned on me that I was
                                  very attached to my thoughts - as a running commentary. I said to myself,
                                  "what if I became free of my attachments - what if I found the....[off
                                  button]". I did not complete the thought since I had switched off the
                                  running commentary. I felt like I was floating in zero gravity. I also
                                  noticed a pleasant feeling of release in my stomach area as if a normal
                                  tightness was suddenly released. I then decided (without the usual
                                  commentary) to release the attachment to my body. Creative ideas popped up
                                  (work related). This gave me the realization that these ideas were already
                                  in my mind but it took the release of attachment to my thoughts to release
                                  or see the ideas.

                                  After I released the attachment to my physical body, it felt as if it was
                                  moving of its own accord. I felt a series of involuntary movements almost
                                  like a slow gentle dance - it felt very strange.

                                  The whole experience was a little overwhelming so I decided to come out of
                                  my meditation - quite a lot to think about. Or quite a lot to not think
                                  about!
                                • tosime
                                  Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 26 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:35 a.m. Duration: 36 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                                  Message 16 of 21 , Nov 26, 2002
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                                    Journal Entry - tosime
                                    Date: November 26
                                    Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                    Time: 07:35 a.m.
                                    Duration: 36 minutes (open)
                                    Posture: Seated on chair
                                    Body: Eyes closed,
                                    - tongue tip to pallet,
                                    - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                    Room Condition: Darkened room
                                    - One candle
                                    - Incense - one stick
                                    - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                                    Pre-session: Ring Bell
                                    - Sip of water
                                    - Ear plugs
                                    - full body stretch (3 times).
                                    Previous day's influence: None.
                                    Mind Chatter: Low - Medium.
                                    Waves of bliss: None.
                                    Experience: Good Session.

                                    Result:

                                    It was hard to close my eyes in the beginning. I felt some muscle movement
                                    as my body relaxed. Saw the close link between thoughts and subtle muscle
                                    tension. Not sure which influenced which in that muscle tension also
                                    influences thought.

                                    Saw into the future where we all wear devices that measure whole body muscle
                                    tension and sends a signal to a device we wear in our ear. This device
                                    trains us to relax during the day and alerts us to how we respond
                                    subconsciously to people and events (as well as our thoughts). I was reading
                                    the instructions on the best place to place the device on the body since
                                    different people had different ideal spots.

                                    Lots of future thoughts - my future in different directions. Had a good
                                    sense that we actually create what we think of as reality.

                                    Good body sensitivity without the usual deep levels of relaxation - wondered
                                    if reaching deeper levels of physical relaxation was the best approach to
                                    making progress in meditation.

                                    Stopped thought for a brief period just to relax and enjoy the stillness in
                                    the meditation. This did not last long as more thoughts came in through the
                                    back door. These thoughts convinced me that since I was in complete control,
                                    it did not matter what I thought about since I could always stop the
                                    thoughts at any time. Famous last thoughts!

                                    Came out of the meditation thinking I had spent an hour only to find it just
                                    36 minutes.
                                  • tosime
                                    Journal Entry - tosime Date: December 12 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:35 a.m. Duration: 57 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                                    Message 17 of 21 , Dec 12, 2002
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                                      Journal Entry - tosime
                                      Date: December 12
                                      Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                      Time: 07:35 a.m.
                                      Duration: 57 minutes (open)
                                      Posture: Seated on chair
                                      Body: Eyes closed,
                                      - tongue tip to pallet,
                                      - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                      Room Condition: Darkened room
                                      - One candle
                                      - Incense - one stick
                                      - Essential Oil - (Dawn+water on burner)
                                      Pre-session: Ring Bell
                                      - Sip of water
                                      - Ear plugs
                                      - full body stretch (3 times).
                                      Previous day's influence: Guru_satsang post
                                      "Ramana Maharishi - Who Am I?"
                                      Mind Chatter: Low.
                                      Waves of bliss: None.
                                      Chant (silent): "Real freedom is freedom from thought"
                                      Experience: Good Session.

                                      Result:

                                      Stopped posting for no particular reason even though I kept writing my
                                      journal entries.

                                      Practice update from last journal post:
                                      1) Each time I strike the bell I clear my mind of whatever is uppermost in
                                      my thoughts at that moment. When my mind is relatively clear, I then "strike
                                      in" the frame of mind I want for my meditation - relaxed, still, without
                                      expectation.

                                      2) I have started chanting a phrase I make up just before I start my
                                      session, if I feel inclined to chant - the chant is silent.

                                      Chant was very effective in reducing mind chatter. Was able to observe mind
                                      activity very clearly. Only a few times (5 to 8)was mind activity strong
                                      enough to break the chant.

                                      Relaxed sufficiently for some form of intuitive control to take me over. I
                                      realized this when one of my fingers twitched to snap me out of one the mind
                                      excursions. Inner sounds increased when this happened.

                                      Occasionally I would stop the chant to explore the mindless state. I found
                                      it easier to maintain this state. Mind chatter would creep in gradually and
                                      I would resume the chant. Noticed a very distant, very faint form of mind
                                      chatter in the background.

                                      Explored the intuitive part of my mind. I found it very hard to explore
                                      since there was no physical sense of its presence. It is only when the
                                      "intuition" becomes conscious do I know it has "done" something. I feel like
                                      I am gradually developing my "sense" of it. It is almost like a new sense
                                      altogether. It is very very subtle until it reacts with my physical body or
                                      transfers a thought to my mind.

                                      All in all a good session.
                                    • tosime
                                      Journal Entry - tosime Date: December 13 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 08:35 a.m. Duration: 50 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                                      Message 18 of 21 , Dec 13, 2002
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                                        Journal Entry - tosime
                                        Date: December 13
                                        Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                        Time: 08:35 a.m.
                                        Duration: 50 minutes (open)
                                        Posture: Seated on chair
                                        Body: Eyes closed,
                                        - tongue tip to pallet,
                                        - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                        Room Condition: Darkened room
                                        - One candle
                                        - Incense - one stick
                                        - Essential Oil - (Dawn+water on burner)
                                        Pre-session: Ring Bell
                                        (Ring out distractions - Ring in peace)
                                        - Sip of water
                                        - Ear plugs
                                        - full body stretch (3 times).
                                        Previous day's influence: Reading my journal post as a receiver
                                        Mind Chatter: Low - Medium.
                                        Waves of bliss: None.
                                        Chant (silent): "...Reaching for the sky just to surrender"
                                        Experience: Good Session.

                                        Result:

                                        A Leonard Cohen song kept turning in my mind yesterday so I decided to use
                                        it in my meditation.

                                        The Stranger Song
                                        It's true that all the men you knew were dealers
                                        who said they were through with dealing
                                        Every time you gave them shelter
                                        I know that kind of man
                                        It's hard to hold the hand of anyone
                                        who is reaching for the sky just to surrender,
                                        who is reaching for the sky just to surrender.

                                        And then sweeping up the jokers that he left behind
                                        you find he did not leave you very much
                                        not even laughter
                                        Like any dealer he was watching for the card
                                        that is so high and wild
                                        he'll never need to deal another
                                        He was just some Joseph looking for a manger
                                        He was just some Joseph looking for a manger...

                                        "Reaching for the sky just to surrender"

                                        Just after the start I "felt" the scent of the oil burner. This was more a
                                        tingling sensation in my nose than the scent of the oil burner. I opened my
                                        eyes and looked at the oil burner. I then had the insight that understanding
                                        intuition needs a different sensory organ (i.e. eyes) even though the normal
                                        perception is through thought.

                                        It got a little complex, but I felt that intuition is really the part of you
                                        that creates the world we think we are perceiving. What we see as intuition
                                        is really seeing what we have created before it comes to us through our
                                        normal senses. I did not have a full understanding of this. However it
                                        helped me to see problems as internal conflicts rather than external
                                        situations.

                                        After writing this I lost the other insights from this meditation session.
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