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Re: Journal Entry - November 04 - tosime

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  • eveneon
    ... entering ... ground level, ... open. ... take another ... simply wait. ... the same ... Very ... controlling the elevator and has planned every stop. Love
    Message 1 of 21 , Nov 4, 2002
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      --- In meditationsocietyofamerica@y..., "Tony" <tosime@b...> wrote:
      > Explored meditation depth. Developed the analogy of meditation as
      entering
      > an elevator without buttons for selecting floors. You enter at
      ground level,
      > then feel yourself moving up. Then the elevator stops and the doors
      open.
      > You come out, explore a little, then return to the elevator and
      take another
      > little trip. Sometimes the elevator doors do not close so you
      simply wait.
      > Sometimes they close but you do not move - the doors open again on
      the same
      > floor. Sometimes you enter and are accelerated up several floors.
      Very
      > rarely you come out on a new floor you have never explored before.
      > Eventually you develop an acceptance that something greater is
      controlling the elevator and has planned every stop.

      Love this!
    • Tony
      Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 05 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:15 a.m. Duration: 66 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
      Message 2 of 21 , Nov 5, 2002
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        Journal Entry - tosime
        Date: November 05
        Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
        Time: 07:15 a.m.
        Duration: 66 minutes (open)
        Posture: Seated on chair
        Body: Eyes closed,
        - tongue tip to pallet,
        - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
        Room Condition: Darkened room
        - One candle
        - Incense
        - Essential Oil - (Rainforest Flowers+water on burner)
        - Bell
        Pre-session: Sip of water
        - full body stretch (3 times).
        Previous day's influence: Posts from 'G' and Eve.
        Mind Chatter: Medium - Low.
        Waves of bliss: 2.
        Experience: Very Good Session.

        Result:

        'G' and Eve's posts were so inspiring that I started my session imagining
        that the three of us were meditating together. This gave me a very peaceful
        feeling and helped reduce my mind chatter. Chanted a silent OM during this
        period.

        Mind wandered on a number of topics influenced by recent events. Some
        solutions to problems and some 'creative imagery'.

        Able to still my mind for brief periods and go deeper into my meditation.

        Experienced a wave of bliss - very light. Towards the end of the session my
        'creative imagery' resulted in another wave of bliss of a different quality.

        Overall a very good session. I ended feeling rested - much more so than when
        I woke up.
      • G
        ... sure if it was because I did not sleep well or possibly something I ate last night. ... happened? ... to correct the problem? G hhahahahahaha
        Message 3 of 21 , Nov 5, 2002
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          --- In meditationsocietyofamerica@y..., "Tony" <tosime@b...> wrote:

          >
          > Result: Feeling slightly ill then explored meditation depth.
          >
          > Feeling "under the weather" at the start of the session. Was not
          sure if it > was because I did not sleep well or possibly something I
          ate last night.
          > Amazingly, by the end of the session all symptoms had gone. What
          happened?
          > Was it all in my mind, or did the meditation give my body the space
          to > correct the problem?

          G hhahahahahaha everything within the transient world experience
          is simply mind created - sustained - or demolished... once you were
          no longer holding it or giving it attention and life it simply
          dissipated as non-essential...

          Love shanti om ...g...
          in rishikesh...
        • Tony
          Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 10 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:45 a.m. Duration: 66 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
          Message 4 of 21 , Nov 10, 2002
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            Journal Entry - tosime
            Date: November 10
            Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
            Time: 07:45 a.m.
            Duration: 66 minutes (open)
            Posture: Seated on chair
            Body: Eyes closed,
            - tongue tip to pallet,
            - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
            Room Condition: Darkened room
            - One candle
            - Incense
            - Essential Oil - (Dawn+water on burner)
            - Bell
            Pre-session: Sip of water
            - full body stretch (3 times).
            Previous day's influence: Training delivery.
            Mind Chatter: Medium.
            Waves of bliss: none.
            Experience: Good Session.

            Result:

            Started still basking from the warm feelings from the training courses I
            delivered during the last 3 days. Lots of ideas for improving the courses
            and there were powerful transformations in people as they made pyridine
            shifts.

            Noticed how my transitions between the stages of my meditation are
            different. Why, when my physical body is calm and there is no thought (or
            very little thought), there is a swell of inner sounds during the
            transition? What is happening at this time? Is it that my consciousness is
            expanding so I become aware of things that were formerly beyond my
            consciousness?

            Towards the end of the session I felt as if I was no longer in control. My
            eyes opened involuntary for a few minutes and I took in the scene, then
            closed them again and came out of the session.

            During today's session I was able to recreate different scenes and events.
            For example I imagined myself living in a different house in a remote
            location. I kept wondering whether real life events are actually better than
            the imagined event. I seemed to be developing an indifference between them.

            During the session I experienced brief body movements as if I was being
            gently manipulated.

            A good session today. Feeling very peaceful and relaxed.
          • Tony
            I am having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting regular stuff for the time being. Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 11 Type:
            Message 5 of 21 , Nov 11, 2002
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              I am having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting
              regular stuff for the time being.

              Journal Entry - tosime
              Date: November 11
              Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
              Time: 07:05 a.m.
              Duration: 49 minutes (open)
              Posture: Seated on chair
              Body: Eyes closed,
              - tongue tip to pallet,
              - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
              Room Condition: Darkened room
              - One candle
              - Incense
              - Essential Oil - (Dawn+water on burner)
              - Bell
              Pre-session: Sip of water
              - full body stretch (3 times).
              Previous day's influence: Still the training delivery.
              Mind Chatter: Medium.
              Waves of bliss: none.
              Experience: Very Good Session.

              Result:

              Very good session. Still having warm feelings from the training session 3
              days ago.

              Decided to take a closer look at mind chatter.

              First I looked at the images that come and go. Rather than see the pictures
              I decided to look at how the pictures came and went. Developed an image of a
              man at a counter reaching behind him to pull out a large card from on of the
              shelves. As soon as he places the card on the counter it becomes an image in
              my mind. He is a friendly person and smiles and waves at me. He is ready to
              co-operate. What I see is that all he is trying to do is select the best
              picture for whatever thought I have. He has millions of pictures and tries
              his best to find the most suitable one. I ask him to slow down a little,
              relax and for a brief period, do not send me any pictures. He nods agreement
              and gives me a thumbs up sign. The images slow down and almost stop
              completely.

              I then look at my voice-over or the running commentary. I translate this to
              a stand up comedian who is sitting on a tall stool while holding a
              microphone. He is speaking all my thoughts. I give him a signal to stop
              speaking for a while. He shrugs his shoulders - he might co-operate.

              For a brief period the images stop and the mind chatter stops. The inner
              sounds come to the foreground and become very prominent. I then take on the
              identity of an inner sound. It grows and starts a wave of bliss. Just as it
              starts, I question what is happening and immediately my stand up comedian
              voices my questioning and the picture man places an image on the counter.

              I sigh - at least I had a brief moment of no-thought and no images. Decided
              to give up this effort for the mean time and asked the image man to give me
              a pleasant scene. I was put on the warm beach of a coral island. I was
              walking into the warm water. The whole scene was very beautiful and my body
              responded as if it was really happening. In some ways it felt better than
              the real thing.

              Came out of my meditation feeling calm and refreshed.
            • Tony
              I am still having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting regular stuff for the time being. Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 12 Type:
              Message 6 of 21 , Nov 12, 2002
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                I am still having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting
                regular stuff for the time being.

                Journal Entry - tosime
                Date: November 12
                Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                Time: 07:40 a.m.
                Duration: 55 minutes (open)
                Posture: Seated on chair
                Body: Eyes closed,
                - tongue tip to pallet,
                - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                Room Condition: Darkened room
                - One candle
                - Incense
                - Essential Oil - (Lavender+water on burner)
                - Bell
                Pre-session: Sip of water
                - full body stretch (3 times).
                Previous day's influence: Second yoga class.
                Mind Chatter: Medium.
                Waves of bliss: Two.
                Experience: Excellent Session.

                Result:

                Had many, varied experiences today - I will be lucky if I can remember half
                of them.

                Decided to reach a no-mind state without thinking about the process. No
                analogies, just a simple stilling my mind.

                Before then, I went through the usual period of physical relaxation and
                giving my mind freedom to roam until I was relaxed enough to start a gradual
                shut down in thinking.

                During this period I saw how the previous day's incidents surfaced inside
                different situations. For example a feeling of curiosity about something I
                saw would surface as the same feeling coming up in a different situation.
                Once I saw the link to the previous day's incidence, the whole scene
                dissolved. As soon as I understood the process, I did not have to wait for
                the new scene to play itself out. All I needed to do was recognize the
                feeling and link it to the previous day's incidence and I could pass that
                episode much quicker than before. Did this a few times and it accelerated my
                movement through that phase or stage in my meditation.

                After stilling my mind, I felt stirrings of a wave of bliss. Just after the
                initial stirring I had this "knowing" that this wave would peak (most
                stirrings do not peak). There was no physical or "mental" indication that it
                would peak - just a strange knowing that seemed to have no form. My wave
                peaked. I then focused on the "knowing" and my whole body erupted as if to
                confirm that I had discovered something very important. My lower back (where
                I had felt pain) adjusted itself as if to confirm that this was what it was
                trying to tell me all the time. I had another wave of bliss.

                This intuitive sensation seems like an important door I have just opened.
                The problem is that the door has no visible handle or frame - nothing that
                would make it look like a door. You only knew it was a door when you went
                through it and noticed the difference in how the world appeared.

                By now all the other experiences during this meditation have faded from
                memory. This was a beautiful session. I can imagine how empty life would be
                without meditation!
              • Tony
                I am having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting regular stuff for the time being. Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 13 Type:
                Message 7 of 21 , Nov 13, 2002
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                  I am having problems managing a flood of mails so I am simply posting
                  regular stuff for the time being.

                  Journal Entry - tosime
                  Date: November 13
                  Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                  Time: 07:30 a.m.
                  Duration: 45 minutes (open)
                  Posture: Seated on chair
                  Body: Eyes closed,
                  - tongue tip to pallet,
                  - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                  Room Condition: Darkened room
                  - One candle
                  - Incense
                  - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                  - Bell
                  Pre-session: Sip of water
                  - full body stretch (3 times).
                  Previous day's influence: Third yoga class.
                  Mind Chatter: Low.
                  Waves of bliss: One slight.
                  Experience: Fair Session.

                  Result:

                  Light simple session.

                  Wanted to explore the intuitive "knowing" I experienced yesterday. Nothing
                  came up.

                  Very little mind chatter.

                  Felt an itch in my right arm. Normally I would have scratched it. Since I
                  was meditating, decided to remain still. The itch triggered a minor wave of
                  bliss.

                  Not much activity today. Very simple session. Reached very deep levels of
                  physical relaxation and the inner sounds were quite strong at one point.

                  Came out of the session quite abruptly.
                • Tony
                  Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 14 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 03:10 a.m. Duration: 53 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                  Message 8 of 21 , Nov 14, 2002
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                    Journal Entry - tosime
                    Date: November 14
                    Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                    Time: 03:10 a.m.
                    Duration: 53 minutes (open)
                    Posture: Seated on chair
                    Body: Eyes closed,
                    - tongue tip to pallet,
                    - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                    Room Condition: Darkened room
                    - One candle
                    - Incense
                    - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                    - Bell
                    Pre-session: Sip of water
                    - full body stretch (3 times).
                    Previous day's influence: Documentary on body decomposition (Death Farm?).
                    Mind Chatter: Low.
                    Waves of bliss: None.
                    Experience: Good Session.

                    Result:

                    Physical recovery from a hard gym session combined with yoga working slack
                    muscles resulting in soreness and fatigue. Slept early and work up in the
                    middle of the night. Decided to have an early meditation.

                    Noticed how body processes are very sensitive to the most subtle thought. I
                    felt as if part of my mind was probing me to see if I was ready for new
                    experiences. I resisted very subtlety but my mind responded instantly and
                    strongly to the resistance and backed away - even after I tried to simulate
                    acceptance. Very strangely this led to thoughts about OBEs.

                    I experienced a major surge of inner sounds when the idea of having an OBE
                    came up. It was as if my body and mind were preparing for an OBE. Everything
                    seemed set but I could not trigger an exit. Did not really feel like doing
                    it even though my body and mind seemed like they wanted it and were ready.

                    This experience reminded me of a documentary on lightning. Certain "charge
                    channels" (I can't remember the technical term) are formed prior to the
                    lightning strike. These flow from the target to the source of the lightning
                    and the lightning then flows along these channels when the strike occurs. I
                    see a similar process happening in meditation. The mind creates these
                    channels for the "events" to flow through. The slightest doubt or hesitation
                    breaks or closes the channels.

                    Came out of the meditation very abruptly.
                  • Tony
                    Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 15 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:30 a.m. Duration: 55 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                    Message 9 of 21 , Nov 15, 2002
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                      Journal Entry - tosime
                      Date: November 15
                      Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                      Time: 07:30 a.m.
                      Duration: 55 minutes (open)
                      Posture: Seated on chair
                      Body: Eyes closed,
                      - tongue tip to pallet,
                      - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                      Room Condition: Darkened room
                      - One candle
                      - Incense - one stick
                      - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                      Pre-session: Ring Bell
                      - Sip of water
                      - Ear plugs
                      - full body stretch (3 times).
                      Previous day's influence: Meditation session.
                      Mind Chatter: Medium - Low.
                      Waves of bliss: None.
                      Experience: Good Session.

                      Result:

                      Relaxed Session. Focused on keeping channels open (based on yesterday's
                      session).

                      Aim is not to react to anything that comes up - no matter how unusual. A
                      mental state of no anticipation and complete openness - quite vulnerable.

                      Turned into an easy, relaxed session. Lots of stillness and peace. Very low
                      mind chatter and very deep physical relaxation.

                      Inner sounds got quite high at one point. The surge in inner sounds almost
                      felt like a wave of bliss without the climax.

                      The keeping channels open approach did not induce any new experiences but
                      did point the way to a smoother more relaxed session.

                      Finished feeling refreshed and well rested.
                    • Tony
                      Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 18 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 08:45 a.m. Duration: 38 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                      Message 10 of 21 , Nov 18, 2002
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                        Journal Entry - tosime
                        Date: November 18
                        Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                        Time: 08:45 a.m.
                        Duration: 38 minutes (open)
                        Posture: Seated on chair
                        Body: Eyes closed,
                        - tongue tip to pallet,
                        - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                        Room Condition: Darkened room
                        - One candle
                        - Incense - one stick
                        - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                        Pre-session: Ring Bell
                        - Sip of water
                        - Ear plugs
                        - full body stretch (3 times).
                        Previous day's influence: Training delivery.
                        Mind Chatter: Medium.
                        Waves of bliss: None.
                        Experience: Good Session.

                        Result:

                        Explored how to reach deeper levels of relaxation, especially when there is
                        no physical feedback after a certain point.

                        The last physical feedback I get is a slight drooling sensation (strangely
                        the negative connotations have gone and have now become positive). After
                        that, feedback is basically, easier control over mind chatter and certain
                        inner sounds that start up.

                        Explored the importance of the inner "knowing". This is an awareness of
                        something that will happen when there is no sensation that this knowing has
                        come. This is hard to put into words. Imagine being alone in a room. Then
                        suddenly behind you a person materializes. However you cannot see the person
                        and the only way you know someone is there is when you "decide" to sense for
                        the person. When you do this, the person becomes visible (I guess intuition
                        is a good word for this). The key for me is how to "decide" to sense for the
                        person. There is nothing "obvious" to key into. I guess a certain type of
                        receptivity is needed. However further than this is the desire to "become"
                        this "knowing". Again, very hard to put into words.

                        When I explored these thoughts, I felt a strong affirmative sensation. Deep
                        levels of relaxation seems to be the best approach even though it is not
                        necessary or sufficient.

                        After a certain level of relaxation I could feel my lower back adjusting
                        very slightly. I sense that in any fixed position, your muscles are
                        continually adjusting to shift the strain. I think I was able to feel this
                        happening.
                      • tosime
                        Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 20 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:30 a.m. Duration: 43 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                        Message 11 of 21 , Nov 20, 2002
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                          Journal Entry - tosime
                          Date: November 20
                          Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                          Time: 07:30 a.m.
                          Duration: 43 minutes (open)
                          Posture: Seated on chair
                          Body: Eyes closed,
                          - tongue tip to pallet,
                          - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                          Room Condition: Darkened room
                          - One candle
                          - Incense - one stick
                          - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                          Pre-session: Ring Bell
                          - Sip of water
                          - Ear plugs
                          - full body stretch (3 times).
                          Previous day's influence: Solving a PC problem.
                          Mind Chatter: Medium.
                          Waves of bliss: None.
                          Experience: Very Good Session.

                          Result:

                          Missed yesterday's session as I was up most of the night (and next day)
                          trying to solve a software glitch on my PC. Eventually solved it when my
                          inner state was calm.

                          Explored the importance of feeling your inner state at all times. In
                          meditation our physical stillness allows us to observe our inner state very
                          clearly. With inner sounds meditation I am always amazed at how much
                          activity there is even when we are physically and mentally calm.

                          Explored how external events can be filtered through the lens of our inner
                          state. Even turbulent external events help us to observe our inner state as
                          we watch our reaction. I look forward to the time when I no longer see
                          people but instead see their inner state and my reflection in their inner
                          state.

                          Noticed today how my better meditation sessions happen when I take my time
                          during the preparation for meditation. Today, just before lighting the
                          candle, I decided to clean the candle holder. This action brought a lot of
                          calm. My full body stretch is a sort of yoga pose. Today I put more
                          awareness into the action and extended the stretch and deepened my breaths.

                          Very reluctant to come out of my meditation since it was so pleasant.
                          Eventually I came out gently. Very good session today.
                        • tosime
                          Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 20 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:30 a.m. Duration: 57 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                          Message 12 of 21 , Nov 22, 2002
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                            Journal Entry - tosime
                            Date: November 20
                            Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                            Time: 07:30 a.m.
                            Duration: 57 minutes (open)
                            Posture: Seated on chair
                            Body: Eyes closed,
                            - tongue tip to pallet,
                            - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                            Room Condition: Darkened room
                            - One candle
                            - Incense - one stick
                            - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                            Pre-session: Ring Bell
                            - Sip of water
                            - Ear plugs
                            - full body stretch (3 times).
                            Previous day's influence: None.
                            Mind Chatter: Low.
                            Waves of bliss: 2-slight.
                            Experience: Good Session.

                            Result:
                            Simple session. Focus on physical relaxation.

                            Very deep levels of physical relaxation. Became very sensitive to physical
                            sensations. The slightest sensation on my skin would send waves of
                            sensations all through my body.

                            Very low levels of mind chatter. Noticed that where there was a scene with
                            another person, they spoke with a voice that was me imitating that person.

                            Major project meeting today - good relaxation in preparation so I am in the
                            best frame of mind.
                          • tosime
                            Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 22 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:10 a.m. Duration: 40 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                            Message 13 of 21 , Nov 22, 2002
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                              Journal Entry - tosime
                              Date: November 22
                              Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                              Time: 07:10 a.m.
                              Duration: 40 minutes (open)
                              Posture: Seated on chair
                              Body: Eyes closed,
                              - tongue tip to pallet,
                              - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                              Room Condition: Darkened room
                              - One candle
                              - Incense - one stick
                              - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                              Pre-session: Ring Bell
                              - Sip of water
                              - Ear plugs
                              - full body stretch (3 times).
                              Previous day's influence: Although an excellent day, my interpretation was
                              the major factor
                              Mind Chatter: Medium.
                              Waves of bliss: None.
                              Experience: Good Session.

                              Result:

                              Interesting imagery of being enveloped by a cloak of inner sounds. Then as
                              meditation progressed each layer of the cloak unfolded to reveal deeper
                              layers within.

                              Each layer revealed deeper levels of stillness and peace.

                              Each layer resulted in less body sensation. Nice sense of peace as each
                              layer unfolded. Good sense that most problems are mind created.

                              Ended quite suddenly.
                            • tosime
                              Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 23 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 05:00 a.m. Duration: ? (open) Posture: Seated on chair Body:
                              Message 14 of 21 , Nov 25, 2002
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                                Journal Entry - tosime
                                Date: November 23
                                Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                Time: 05:00 a.m.
                                Duration: ? (open)
                                Posture: Seated on chair
                                Body: Eyes closed,
                                - tongue tip to pallet,
                                - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                Room Condition: Darkened room
                                - One candle
                                - Incense - one stick
                                - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                                Pre-session: Ring Bell
                                - Sip of water
                                - Ear plugs
                                - full body stretch (3 times).
                                Previous day's influence: None.
                                Mind Chatter: ?.
                                Waves of bliss: None.
                                Experience: Poor Session.

                                Result:

                                Power cut and generator problems interrupted session. Tried to continue
                                later but the disruption was too great. Woke early to deliver a training
                                session that day.
                              • tosime
                                Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 24 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:10 a.m. Duration: 61 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                                Message 15 of 21 , Nov 25, 2002
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                                  Journal Entry - tosime
                                  Date: November 24
                                  Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                  Time: 07:10 a.m.
                                  Duration: 61 minutes (open)
                                  Posture: Seated on chair
                                  Body: Eyes closed,
                                  - tongue tip to pallet,
                                  - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                  Room Condition: Darkened room
                                  - One candle
                                  - Incense - one stick
                                  - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                                  Pre-session: Ring Bell (forgot)
                                  - Sip of water
                                  - Ear plugs
                                  - full body stretch (3 times).
                                  Previous day's influence: Can't remember.
                                  Mind Chatter: Medium - high.
                                  Waves of bliss: None.
                                  Experience: Good Session.

                                  Result: Unusual session

                                  No bell - forgot to ring
                                  Started by staring at the flickering candle - it was captivating, seemed
                                  like it was alive!
                                  No orderly progression - body and mind seemed to be on different tracks.
                                  Seemed like my body was doing one thing and my mind was doing something
                                  else.

                                  However, very deep levels of physical relaxation. Loosing sensation in parts
                                  of my body such as face.
                                • tosime
                                  Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 25 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:30 a.m. Duration: 41 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                                  Message 16 of 21 , Nov 25, 2002
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                                    Journal Entry - tosime
                                    Date: November 25
                                    Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                    Time: 07:30 a.m.
                                    Duration: 41 minutes (open)
                                    Posture: Seated on chair
                                    Body: Eyes closed,
                                    - tongue tip to pallet,
                                    - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                    Room Condition: Darkened room
                                    - One candle
                                    - Incense - one stick
                                    - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                                    Pre-session: Ring Bell
                                    - Sip of water
                                    - Ear plugs
                                    - full body stretch (3 times).
                                    Previous day's influence: Nonduality digest post - American Beauty.
                                    Mind Chatter: Medium.
                                    Waves of bliss: None.
                                    Experience: Very Good Session.

                                    Result: Interesting session today - hard to put into words

                                    Quote from post
                                    "...I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes when
                                    you die.
                                    First off that one second isn't one second at all, it stretches on forever
                                    like an
                                    ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at boy scout camp watching
                                    falling stars, and yellow leaves from the maple trees that lined our street,
                                    or
                                    my grandmother's hands and the way her skin seemed like paper, and the first
                                    time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new firebird. And Janie. And Janie. And
                                    Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed-off about what happened to me, but
                                    it's hard to stay mad when there's so much Beauty in the world. Sometimes I
                                    feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much, and my heart fills
                                    up like a
                                    balloon that's about to burst, and then I remember to relax and stop trying
                                    to
                                    hold onto it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel
                                    anything but
                                    gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea
                                    what I'm talking about, but don't worry, you will someday..."

                                    -Lester Burnam from "American Beauty"

                                    Normal start - allowed my mind to be free until my body had relaxed enough
                                    for me to direct the meditation. Today I decided to find out how long this
                                    takes, so when the inner sounds changed tone to signal the transition to the
                                    next stage, I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. It was about 20
                                    minutes into the session.

                                    After closing my eyes, I realized that I had gone backwards about a minute
                                    or so into the meditation. I had to wait for about a minute to get back to
                                    the "take over" point. The change in tone happened again and I took control
                                    as usual.

                                    The initial dialogue in American Beauty came up. It dawned on me that I was
                                    very attached to my thoughts - as a running commentary. I said to myself,
                                    "what if I became free of my attachments - what if I found the....[off
                                    button]". I did not complete the thought since I had switched off the
                                    running commentary. I felt like I was floating in zero gravity. I also
                                    noticed a pleasant feeling of release in my stomach area as if a normal
                                    tightness was suddenly released. I then decided (without the usual
                                    commentary) to release the attachment to my body. Creative ideas popped up
                                    (work related). This gave me the realization that these ideas were already
                                    in my mind but it took the release of attachment to my thoughts to release
                                    or see the ideas.

                                    After I released the attachment to my physical body, it felt as if it was
                                    moving of its own accord. I felt a series of involuntary movements almost
                                    like a slow gentle dance - it felt very strange.

                                    The whole experience was a little overwhelming so I decided to come out of
                                    my meditation - quite a lot to think about. Or quite a lot to not think
                                    about!
                                  • tosime
                                    Journal Entry - tosime Date: November 26 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:35 a.m. Duration: 36 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                                    Message 17 of 21 , Nov 26, 2002
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                                      Journal Entry - tosime
                                      Date: November 26
                                      Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                      Time: 07:35 a.m.
                                      Duration: 36 minutes (open)
                                      Posture: Seated on chair
                                      Body: Eyes closed,
                                      - tongue tip to pallet,
                                      - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                      Room Condition: Darkened room
                                      - One candle
                                      - Incense - one stick
                                      - Essential Oil - (Precious flowers+water on burner)
                                      Pre-session: Ring Bell
                                      - Sip of water
                                      - Ear plugs
                                      - full body stretch (3 times).
                                      Previous day's influence: None.
                                      Mind Chatter: Low - Medium.
                                      Waves of bliss: None.
                                      Experience: Good Session.

                                      Result:

                                      It was hard to close my eyes in the beginning. I felt some muscle movement
                                      as my body relaxed. Saw the close link between thoughts and subtle muscle
                                      tension. Not sure which influenced which in that muscle tension also
                                      influences thought.

                                      Saw into the future where we all wear devices that measure whole body muscle
                                      tension and sends a signal to a device we wear in our ear. This device
                                      trains us to relax during the day and alerts us to how we respond
                                      subconsciously to people and events (as well as our thoughts). I was reading
                                      the instructions on the best place to place the device on the body since
                                      different people had different ideal spots.

                                      Lots of future thoughts - my future in different directions. Had a good
                                      sense that we actually create what we think of as reality.

                                      Good body sensitivity without the usual deep levels of relaxation - wondered
                                      if reaching deeper levels of physical relaxation was the best approach to
                                      making progress in meditation.

                                      Stopped thought for a brief period just to relax and enjoy the stillness in
                                      the meditation. This did not last long as more thoughts came in through the
                                      back door. These thoughts convinced me that since I was in complete control,
                                      it did not matter what I thought about since I could always stop the
                                      thoughts at any time. Famous last thoughts!

                                      Came out of the meditation thinking I had spent an hour only to find it just
                                      36 minutes.
                                    • tosime
                                      Journal Entry - tosime Date: December 12 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 07:35 a.m. Duration: 57 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                                      Message 18 of 21 , Dec 12, 2002
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                                        Journal Entry - tosime
                                        Date: December 12
                                        Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                        Time: 07:35 a.m.
                                        Duration: 57 minutes (open)
                                        Posture: Seated on chair
                                        Body: Eyes closed,
                                        - tongue tip to pallet,
                                        - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                        Room Condition: Darkened room
                                        - One candle
                                        - Incense - one stick
                                        - Essential Oil - (Dawn+water on burner)
                                        Pre-session: Ring Bell
                                        - Sip of water
                                        - Ear plugs
                                        - full body stretch (3 times).
                                        Previous day's influence: Guru_satsang post
                                        "Ramana Maharishi - Who Am I?"
                                        Mind Chatter: Low.
                                        Waves of bliss: None.
                                        Chant (silent): "Real freedom is freedom from thought"
                                        Experience: Good Session.

                                        Result:

                                        Stopped posting for no particular reason even though I kept writing my
                                        journal entries.

                                        Practice update from last journal post:
                                        1) Each time I strike the bell I clear my mind of whatever is uppermost in
                                        my thoughts at that moment. When my mind is relatively clear, I then "strike
                                        in" the frame of mind I want for my meditation - relaxed, still, without
                                        expectation.

                                        2) I have started chanting a phrase I make up just before I start my
                                        session, if I feel inclined to chant - the chant is silent.

                                        Chant was very effective in reducing mind chatter. Was able to observe mind
                                        activity very clearly. Only a few times (5 to 8)was mind activity strong
                                        enough to break the chant.

                                        Relaxed sufficiently for some form of intuitive control to take me over. I
                                        realized this when one of my fingers twitched to snap me out of one the mind
                                        excursions. Inner sounds increased when this happened.

                                        Occasionally I would stop the chant to explore the mindless state. I found
                                        it easier to maintain this state. Mind chatter would creep in gradually and
                                        I would resume the chant. Noticed a very distant, very faint form of mind
                                        chatter in the background.

                                        Explored the intuitive part of my mind. I found it very hard to explore
                                        since there was no physical sense of its presence. It is only when the
                                        "intuition" becomes conscious do I know it has "done" something. I feel like
                                        I am gradually developing my "sense" of it. It is almost like a new sense
                                        altogether. It is very very subtle until it reacts with my physical body or
                                        transfers a thought to my mind.

                                        All in all a good session.
                                      • tosime
                                        Journal Entry - tosime Date: December 13 Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs) Time: 08:35 a.m. Duration: 50 minutes (open) Posture: Seated on
                                        Message 19 of 21 , Dec 13, 2002
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                                          Journal Entry - tosime
                                          Date: December 13
                                          Type: Meditation on inner sounds (with earplugs)
                                          Time: 08:35 a.m.
                                          Duration: 50 minutes (open)
                                          Posture: Seated on chair
                                          Body: Eyes closed,
                                          - tongue tip to pallet,
                                          - hands on knees-index finger touching thumb.
                                          Room Condition: Darkened room
                                          - One candle
                                          - Incense - one stick
                                          - Essential Oil - (Dawn+water on burner)
                                          Pre-session: Ring Bell
                                          (Ring out distractions - Ring in peace)
                                          - Sip of water
                                          - Ear plugs
                                          - full body stretch (3 times).
                                          Previous day's influence: Reading my journal post as a receiver
                                          Mind Chatter: Low - Medium.
                                          Waves of bliss: None.
                                          Chant (silent): "...Reaching for the sky just to surrender"
                                          Experience: Good Session.

                                          Result:

                                          A Leonard Cohen song kept turning in my mind yesterday so I decided to use
                                          it in my meditation.

                                          The Stranger Song
                                          It's true that all the men you knew were dealers
                                          who said they were through with dealing
                                          Every time you gave them shelter
                                          I know that kind of man
                                          It's hard to hold the hand of anyone
                                          who is reaching for the sky just to surrender,
                                          who is reaching for the sky just to surrender.

                                          And then sweeping up the jokers that he left behind
                                          you find he did not leave you very much
                                          not even laughter
                                          Like any dealer he was watching for the card
                                          that is so high and wild
                                          he'll never need to deal another
                                          He was just some Joseph looking for a manger
                                          He was just some Joseph looking for a manger...

                                          "Reaching for the sky just to surrender"

                                          Just after the start I "felt" the scent of the oil burner. This was more a
                                          tingling sensation in my nose than the scent of the oil burner. I opened my
                                          eyes and looked at the oil burner. I then had the insight that understanding
                                          intuition needs a different sensory organ (i.e. eyes) even though the normal
                                          perception is through thought.

                                          It got a little complex, but I felt that intuition is really the part of you
                                          that creates the world we think we are perceiving. What we see as intuition
                                          is really seeing what we have created before it comes to us through our
                                          normal senses. I did not have a full understanding of this. However it
                                          helped me to see problems as internal conflicts rather than external
                                          situations.

                                          After writing this I lost the other insights from this meditation session.
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