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8824Re: Frustration/ML

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  • mlcanow
    Jun 2, 2003
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      --- In meditationsocietyofamerica@yahoogroups.com, "Onniko"
      <onniko@y...> wrote:
      > How many children do you have, Gene? What are some ways you have
      to
      > make them feel that they aren't owned by you?

      Hi Oniko,
      since i agree with Gene, and having had the experience of being a
      mother, i will step in here.
      First we must understand that there are no ownerships in this life.
      What there are, are responsible actions. It is most natural that a
      mother acts in protection and guidance of her children. This is a
      Natural Law for survival. Just accepting this fact should be enough.
      The feelings of love that born form a parent to his/her child, and
      vicevs. are part of the same thing. It is even, in its basic way,
      one of the purest love feelings that tend to arise from humans. But
      some people, in their sense of lack of love and acceptance, even
      for/from themselves, pretend to feel some kind of completion among
      the pertainance to each other. If we begin to understand the
      difference between real love and attachment, then we will see that
      mostly what we call love, really is not. Detachment is the main
      thing here. But how can we ask for detachment when we need so many
      things, relationships, commitments, achieved goals, importance, etc,
      for us to feel complete?
      When you are detached from your children, you let them make natural
      exchanges of love with others: teachers, sitters, other family
      members, friends. You do not feel jealousy.
      When you let them decide some things by themselves, you let them
      know that they are separate entities within the functioning of life.
      When you explain them the things they are able to understand, they
      begin to discriminate by themselves. When you let them spend some
      time far from your direct control, they begin to learn to be
      separated, they have to solve things by themselves. When special
      situations happen, that need your direct attention, and you allow
      sombody else to take care of them, they learn that you aren't their
      owner.
      When parents are separated or divorced, when they are with one of
      them, the other shall remain appart, letting things happen between
      children and each parent.
      When you act as not being owned, then you are making them understand
      better the role of each one.
      But the best of all is much communication. Touching, caring,
      listening, talking, playing, working together.
      So long as the parent understands the issue of ownership, he/she
      will be more able to transmit this to the child. Being it, living
      it, is the best way of transmission. And just allowing things to
      happen. Our children came to live their own lives, not ours, nor to
      do the things we would have liked to do and could not. They are not
      our continuity. They are the continuity of Life, and have their own
      role to play here. Let us help them to find this role by themselves,
      if we can, if not, just let it be.

      Love,
      maria luisa
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