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31Re: Need help restarting

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  • astro4u2001
    Oct 14, 2001
      Dear Bob,<br> Thank you for your response. I
      cannot do totally silent, sitting still meditation.
      There are ugly faces & scarey beings that haunt me &
      it's not pleasurable or helpful. I want to jump up &
      go do something else or turn on the TV or radio for
      company. I feel panicky or filled with anxiety & distress
      & fear.<br><br>I've been able to do some forms of
      concentration but only with a voiced-tape on for guidance while
      lying down under the covers in the daytime & while
      chanting for a few minutes at a time. But that's about
      all. <br><br>I've tried affirmations & protection
      techniques & even sanskrit mantras for well-being, peace,
      etc. As long as I'm chanting I'm okay. But the minute
      I stop & there's silence or darkness, I can't stay
      still & do it anymore. <br><br>I also feel guilty I
      can't stay still in silence or in the dark with eyes
      closed as it makes me feel I'm a coward or afraid of
      something that really can't harm me. Nevertheless I feel
      terror & fear anyway & try to run away from it.
      <br><br>I think it's myself or my deeper feelings I'm
      running or hiding from & that makes me feel like a coward
      too. So the guilt keeps piling up & gets me further
      away from meditating in silence. Even meditation music
      on in the background doesn't help. <br><br>Lately,
      I've gotten so disgusted with myself, I stopped doing
      even the chanting. I'm also feeling a lot of lack of
      motivation or incentive to live & get on with life,
      especially since the 9/11 events. So that's a great part of
      it too. Maybe that's part of my guilt & fear. I
      don't really know. It's confusing.
      <br><br>Blessings,<br>Lananda (Astro)
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