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  • Janet Kira Lessin
    REPLACE SEPARATENESS WITH POLY ONENESS by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. Feel Polyamorous Consciousness & Dissolve Illusions of Separateness Sit in turn with each of your
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 11, 2008

      Feel Polyamorous Consciousness & Dissolve Illusions of Separateness

      Sit in turn with each of your polymates. With each, maintain eye
      contact. Don't touch.

      Tell her or him, "I feel separateness from you when I say to
      myself ... (specify all of the rational and irrational, serious and
      trivial, crazy and stupid and clear and astute things you say to
      yourself that make you feel separate from her or him.) Exhaust your

      Your partner sits calmly and says, "Thank you" after each
      separation you enumerate.

      Then have your partner tell you, "I feel separateness from you when I
      say to myself...." Encourage your partner to exhaust her or his
      separatenesses: calmly say "Thank you" for each.

      Then join hands. Tell your partner, "I feel oneness with you
      when I tell myself ... (complete with all the things you tell
      yourself which make you feel close to your partner..) Reverse roles.
      Discuss your experience with this exercise.

      Rotate to your next poly partner and repeat the exercise.

      Explanation: When you raise your consciousness to your polymates
      level you still keep your individual bodymind awareness, your distinct
      personality and your inner voices, should you choose to temporarily
      identify with them.

      When you and your significant others expand consciousness of
      yourselves to internalize each others' wisdom and concerns, you are
      on the polyamorous level of consciousness. The energy, richness,
      complexity and awareness you and your lovers share exceeds the sum of
      your individual bodymind energies and awarenesses. Your polypod
      synergy is enhanced when you use your relationships so each of you
      grows and has more to give to the relationships as well.

      Ken Keyes provides an excellent model for such synergistic
      dyadic consciousness. [Keyes, K., Handbook to Higher Consciousness,
      5th Edition,: Living Love, 1979 and A Conscious Person's Guide
      toRelationships, Kentucky: Living Love, 1979.]

      Keyes says to welcome upsets in your relationships. You can
      use upsets to raise your consciousness. He suggests you fully share
      your deepest feelings and process what you say to yourself which make
      you feel separate from and opposed to one another. You can then
      experience your oneness.

      Relate compassionately, Keyes says, to your lovers' problems
      as signals for them to grow without also getting yourself
      caught up emotionally.

      Process your own emotional upsets, feel centered and loving and then
      act freely.

      Use your relationship to stimulate internal dialogue at the
      personality levels of each of you, so you can each raise your
      individual and mutual consciousnesses.

      When you're upset, disturbed, unhappy or dissatisfied with your
      lovers, explore your own addictions, that is, how you tell yourself
      your others must be and your relationships must be for you to be
      happy. Such addictions trigger your upset. You stop suffering and
      instead grow when you stop being addicted.

      Change your addictions to preferences. Preferences are desires which,
      if not fulfilled, do not make you suffer.

      Think of an addiction of yours that involves sone of your lovers.
      Speculate on the form your addiction would take if it were raised to
      a preference. Imagine that you've upleveled your addiction to a
      preference. Imagine how your life would be affected. Tell this lover
      what you imagine.

      * Recall a time when your intimate's annoying habit or
      attitude gave you an opportunity to discard an addiction and feel
      better as a result. Write you results.

      Stop blaming each other for not meeting each other's expectations.
      Refrain from making addiction-based demands. Turn off addictions;
      turn on love. Let your intimates express anger, jealousy and other
      separating emotions aimed at you, while you love them more no matter
      what they do. Let their addictions be okay with you.

      Realize that in disputes, you win some and lose some; that is okay.

      Make your growth and self-expression help your lovers' growth they
      define them.

      Before you enter a deep relationships with others, Keyes invites you
      to know and accept your own inner voices, personality and bodymind.
      Enter your relationships so you can cooperate with each other in "the
      great adventure of life."

      Keyes recommends you avoid using intense love as a basis for
      involvement, since, at more inclusive levels of consciousness, you're
      at living oneness and love with all humanity. You are already deeply
      in love with everyone. Therefore, he says, choose carefully who you
      share your time and life games with. Choose lovers who contribute
      to your well-being and vice versa.

      "You contribute to your mutual well-being when you enjoy
      the 'enoughness' that you do have in your life, and thus open your
      heart to happiness by not creating emotion-backed demands for what
      you don't have. Learn to emotionally accept what is here and now
      in your life. You will find you always have 'enough' in your life."

      Take responsibility, Keyes says, for creating your own
      happiness in your relationships. You use your relationships to raise
      your own consciousness only when you work on your own bodymind,
      personality and subself integration. Keyes suggests such integration
      allows you to be "in touch with the beautiful, capable and loving"
      aspects of your own subdyadic consciousness as well as higher
      consciousness. "I love you," means "You're mirroring me and letting
      me see the beautiful, capable parts of me."

      Make your relationships delightful by being involved and
      sharing with your intimates, not by being addicted to your intimates
      for your happiness. To increase your involvement, you must decrease
      your addictions.

      Sharing means not hiding anything, so you can build
      a trusting base.

      "Ask for what you want, but don't be addicted to getting it."

      Keep noticing the beauty and preciousness of the bodyminds and
      higher being your intimates are no matter what subpersonality they

      Open to the form the relationship takes.

      You function at the poly level of consciousness when
      you "discover the 'us' place in terms of surrender,
      compassionatepower and mutual give and take."

      Book Announcement:
      The Poly-Tantra Lovestyle, A Personal Account
      available at
      double you double you double you dot worldpolyamoryassociationdotcom
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