REPLACE SEPARATENESS WITH POLY ONENESS by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.
- REPLACE SEPARATENESS WITH POLY ONENESS by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.
Feel Polyamorous Consciousness & Dissolve Illusions of Separateness
Sit in turn with each of your polymates. With each, maintain eye
contact. Don't touch.
Tell her or him, "I feel separateness from you when I say to
myself ... (specify all of the rational and irrational, serious and
trivial, crazy and stupid and clear and astute things you say to
yourself that make you feel separate from her or him.) Exhaust your
Your partner sits calmly and says, "Thank you" after each
separation you enumerate.
Then have your partner tell you, "I feel separateness from you when I
say to myself...." Encourage your partner to exhaust her or his
separatenesses: calmly say "Thank you" for each.
Then join hands. Tell your partner, "I feel oneness with you
when I tell myself ... (complete with all the things you tell
yourself which make you feel close to your partner..) Reverse roles.
Discuss your experience with this exercise.
Rotate to your next poly partner and repeat the exercise.
Explanation: When you raise your consciousness to your polymates
level you still keep your individual bodymind awareness, your distinct
personality and your inner voices, should you choose to temporarily
identify with them.
When you and your significant others expand consciousness of
yourselves to internalize each others' wisdom and concerns, you are
on the polyamorous level of consciousness. The energy, richness,
complexity and awareness you and your lovers share exceeds the sum of
your individual bodymind energies and awarenesses. Your polypod
synergy is enhanced when you use your relationships so each of you
grows and has more to give to the relationships as well.
Ken Keyes provides an excellent model for such synergistic
dyadic consciousness. [Keyes, K., Handbook to Higher Consciousness,
5th Edition,: Living Love, 1979 and A Conscious Person's Guide
toRelationships, Kentucky: Living Love, 1979.]
Keyes says to welcome upsets in your relationships. You can
use upsets to raise your consciousness. He suggests you fully share
your deepest feelings and process what you say to yourself which make
you feel separate from and opposed to one another. You can then
experience your oneness.
Relate compassionately, Keyes says, to your lovers' problems
as signals for them to grow without also getting yourself
caught up emotionally.
Process your own emotional upsets, feel centered and loving and then
Use your relationship to stimulate internal dialogue at the
personality levels of each of you, so you can each raise your
individual and mutual consciousnesses.
When you're upset, disturbed, unhappy or dissatisfied with your
lovers, explore your own addictions, that is, how you tell yourself
your others must be and your relationships must be for you to be
happy. Such addictions trigger your upset. You stop suffering and
instead grow when you stop being addicted.
Change your addictions to preferences. Preferences are desires which,
if not fulfilled, do not make you suffer.
Think of an addiction of yours that involves sone of your lovers.
Speculate on the form your addiction would take if it were raised to
a preference. Imagine that you've upleveled your addiction to a
preference. Imagine how your life would be affected. Tell this lover
what you imagine.
* Recall a time when your intimate's annoying habit or
attitude gave you an opportunity to discard an addiction and feel
better as a result. Write you results.
Stop blaming each other for not meeting each other's expectations.
Refrain from making addiction-based demands. Turn off addictions;
turn on love. Let your intimates express anger, jealousy and other
separating emotions aimed at you, while you love them more no matter
what they do. Let their addictions be okay with you.
Realize that in disputes, you win some and lose some; that is okay.
Make your growth and self-expression help your lovers' growth they
Before you enter a deep relationships with others, Keyes invites you
to know and accept your own inner voices, personality and bodymind.
Enter your relationships so you can cooperate with each other in "the
great adventure of life."
Keyes recommends you avoid using intense love as a basis for
involvement, since, at more inclusive levels of consciousness, you're
at living oneness and love with all humanity. You are already deeply
in love with everyone. Therefore, he says, choose carefully who you
share your time and life games with. Choose lovers who contribute
to your well-being and vice versa.
"You contribute to your mutual well-being when you enjoy
the 'enoughness' that you do have in your life, and thus open your
heart to happiness by not creating emotion-backed demands for what
you don't have. Learn to emotionally accept what is here and now
in your life. You will find you always have 'enough' in your life."
Take responsibility, Keyes says, for creating your own
happiness in your relationships. You use your relationships to raise
your own consciousness only when you work on your own bodymind,
personality and subself integration. Keyes suggests such integration
allows you to be "in touch with the beautiful, capable and loving"
aspects of your own subdyadic consciousness as well as higher
consciousness. "I love you," means "You're mirroring me and letting
me see the beautiful, capable parts of me."
Make your relationships delightful by being involved and
sharing with your intimates, not by being addicted to your intimates
for your happiness. To increase your involvement, you must decrease
Sharing means not hiding anything, so you can build
a trusting base.
"Ask for what you want, but don't be addicted to getting it."
Keep noticing the beauty and preciousness of the bodyminds and
higher being your intimates are no matter what subpersonality they
Open to the form the relationship takes.
You function at the poly level of consciousness when
you "discover the 'us' place in terms of surrender,
compassionatepower and mutual give and take."
POLYAMORY: MANY LOVES
The Poly-Tantra Lovestyle, A Personal Account
double you double you double you dot worldpolyamoryassociationdotcom