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That Cheerleader Is A Real Dog!
Take A Seat ...Please
Possible? You Be The Judge
http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030361 You have NO LIFE!
http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030362 Nothing has gone right!
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Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
An Open Letter to Wal-Mart
Yesterday in need of light bulbs , floppy disks, and sodas I went to
your store at Cascade Crossings. The wife and daughter accompanied
me and took off in separate directions for hair care items and stuff
we entered the store. As usual I took 10 minutes to locate the items
needed and checked out about 30 minutes before the wife did. As I
waited two people exiting the store set off the anti-theft security
and were escorted over to the side where their purchased were
against the cash register receipts, the offending tags deenergized
were allowed to leave. I thought to myself " What a hassle".
Finally tiring of standing waiting for the wife , I decided to go to
and set off the alarm myself. Same inconvenience , five minutes of
standing around while my bags were checked and same embarrassment
as everyone in the store stares at you .
Although I am aware of the necessity of the system to control the
costs of merchandise due to theft, your system is defective. Whether
a problem with the equipment or poor training of your employees, I do
not appreciate it . Get your act together.
Hope you enjoy the chips today as we rush headlong into who knows
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Two delicate flowers of French womanhood were conversing on the porch
swing of a large white-pillared mansion in New Orleans.
The first woman said, "When my first child was born, my husband built
this beautiful mansion for me."
The second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice."
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband
bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."
Again, the second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice."
The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my
bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the second woman commented "Well, isn't that nice."
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy
you when you had your first child?"
The second woman replied, "My husband sent me to charm school."
"Charm school!" the first woman smiled, "land sakes, child, what on
The second woman responded, "So that instead of saying 'Who gives a
shit' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice'."
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John was standing in the lingerie store staring at a collection of
The clerk noticed he had been there for some time and that he appeared
to be having trouble picking one out. She walked over and asked him if
she could be of assistance.
John answered, "Well... if it's a Wonder Bra, am I supposed to pick
size she is, or the size I want her to be?"
Q: What's a tiger?
A: A five-hundred-pound pussy that eats you.
Q: Why do men like women with small hands?
A: It makes their dicks look bigger.
Q: How can you tell if two lesbians are twins?
A: They lick alike.
Q: When do you know you're really lonely?
A: Your own tongue starts to feel good in your mouth.
Two college women were discussing the date one had had
the night before.
"Oh, Nancy, he was sooo erudite, and clever, and sophisticated.
He speaks ten languages, drives a Lamborghini, took me to a Parisian
restaurant and ordered the meal and wine in French, then took me to
penthouse apartment to look over his Russian book collection by the
"Wow, Gail, he sounds fabulous! But just how far did he get with you?"
"Well, I really rather not say, but he was quite a cunning linguist!"
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Bread and Butter
Bar Room Chips
With college really getting in to full swing, I thought the following
be appropriate either as a refresher course for some, an introductory
for others...for those of you out of college, this should bring back
Bar Room Translations
1. "You get this one, next round is on me." (We won't be here long
get another round.)
2. "I'll get this one, next one is on you." (Happy hour is about to
end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50
3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" (I have no interest in
you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising
4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female) (I'm easy.)
5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male) (I'm gay.)
6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) (I am even willing to
tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)
7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) (If this is how wild I am
bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?)
8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female) (You are paying more
attention to your friends than me.)
9. I don't feel well, let's go home." (male) (I'm horny.)
10. "Who's got the next round?" (I haven't bought a round in almost 3
but I am an expert at diverting attention.)
11. "Excuse Me." (male to male) (Get the hell out of the way.)
12. "Excuse Me." (male to female) (I am going to grope you now.)
Note - one of my personal favorites)
13. "Excuse Me." (female to male) (Don't even think about groping me,
get the hell out of the way.)
14. "Excuse Me." (female to female) (Move your fat ass. Who do you
are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one
you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho... Get your eyes off of my
I'll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.)
15. "What do you have on tap?" (What's cheap?)
16. "Can I have a white Russian?" (male) (I'm *really* gay.)
17. "Can I have a white Russian?" (female) (I'm *really* easy.)
18. "That person looks really familiar." (Did I sleep with him/her?)
19. Can I just get a glass of water?" (female) (I'm annoying, but
to get away with this.)
20. I don't have my ID on me." (female) (I'm 19.)
21. "I don't have my ID on me." (male) (I don't have a license since
pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here
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Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided
visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the
he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.
"Father, I am sinful."
"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3
and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited
house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I
"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody
around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."
"That's not very good of you."
"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her,
around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."
Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the
walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he
searching for him.
"Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the
behind the piano.
"Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except
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Jill goes to the doctor. After examining her thoroughly, the
doctor is perplexed.
"I'm not sure what it is," he said. "You either have a bad
cold or you're pregnant."
"Oh," says Jill, "I must be pregnant --I don't know anyone
who could have given me a cold."
In a recent television show in the UK, actor and comedian John
explained three reasons why the British are superior to Americans:
1. They speak English.
2. When they host a world championship they invite other countries.
3. Visitors to the head of state are only expected to go down on ONE
Scott was lamenting to the bartender that he met his wife in a
"You shouldn't be so unhappy about it," the barkeep said, "It's
"Oh, yeah?" responded Scott. "Well, I thought she was home taking care
of the kids and she thought I was bowling. And to clinch it all, the
madame wouldn't give me my money back and refused to give me another
All the world
LOVES Jewish Jokes!
Clean and Sexy! Old and New! (R)
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A man who went to see his urologist. After examining him for a
moment, the doctor excused himself and went outside to the nurse and
said, "You've got to see this. This patient has 'TINY' tattooed on
his penis. Go in and make up some excuse to examine his penis."
The nurse went into the examining room and closed the door.
A minute later, she emerged, exclaiming, "Oh, doctor, no, it's not
'TINY', it's 'TICONDEROGA, NY'..."
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A teacher asks her class to use the word 'indefinitely' in a
sentence. Little Johnny's hand immediately shoots up. But the
teacher is worried about how he will answer, so she calls on
Bobby replies, "Due to the weather, school was canceled
"Good," the teacher replies. "What about you Jenny?"
Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down, transportation has
been stopped indefinitely."
"OK, class," the teacher says as she surveys the room, "let's
have one more example."
Little Johnny is waving his hand saying, "Ohh! Me! Me!"
And the teacher thinks that maybe he has a good answer and
calls on him.
Johnny stands up and says, "As I felt my balls slap against
her ass, I knew that I was in definitely!"
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There once was a man named Mort
Whose dick was incredibly short
He climbed into bed
And his lady friend said,
"That's not a dick, it's a wart.
My wife Myrtle's womb has a habit
Of expanding whenever I stab it.
What's more, my wife Myrtle
Is so wonderously fertile,
That she's giving me kids like a rabbit.
There was a young girl of East Anglia
Whose loins were a tangle of ganglia.
Her mind was a webbing
Of Freud and Kraft-Ebing
And all sorts of other mew-fanglia.
There was a young man from Hong Kong
Who had a trifurcated prong:
A small one for sucking,
A large one for fucking,
And a honey for beating a gong.
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From The Buffalos Mail Box
Here is a touching account of some of our employees in the WTC.
All, I recently toured a Switchroom after being out of a Central
Office for many years. I started as a C.O. Technician over twenty
three years ago, however, I did not realize that I had forgotten the
personal diligence required to maintain quality service in one of our
offices. This switchroom tour left a very positive impression on
me. Especially my young tour guide Derrick. As he showed me around,
his pride in his switchroom, the service they provide and pride in
our new company was so very obvious. Even after my many years of
service, Derrick's contagious, enthusiasm, dedication, and
professionalism for is job, reinstalled pride in me, and made me
reminisce, wishing I was back in the switchroom again. I'm not
normally real talkative but I kept talking with Derrick. I was
enjoying the atmosphere and Derrick's refreshing professional and
upbeat personality. I discovered that he was not only proud of his
work but of his wife, family and all of life in general. He seemed
to have that balance between work and home that is so important (a
balance that took me too many years to discover). He also took me up
one flight of stairs and showed me around outside. When I think back
of my tour with Derrick and Lenny and the rest of the technicians, I
also want to be proud of our profession and give it my best each
day. Why not, I take the time to drive into work every day to
support my family. Having pride in this seems only right. You see,
Derrick was also very proud of the fact that his switchroom was
located on the top of one of the highest buildings in America.
Derrick is one of the young men who worked on the
110th floor of World Trade Center 2 (south tower) in the Verizon GNI
& Genuity Switchroom. Derrick Washington, Lenny and 4 technicians
are missing. Please join me and pray that very soon, Derrick, Lenny
and the rest of our diligent and proud technicians are found to be
safe and as healthy as possible.
Thank you, I just wanted to share this memory....
Will Hightower Verizon Network Services
I couldn't agree more with the letter sent by Joy Spears in
The media tend, too often, to sensationalize as much as possible -
all in the
quest for better ratings. The media - all forms of news media - need
in a more responsible manner. Telling the world things that should
under wraps - troop movements, our leaders whereabouts, etc. - is not
Thanks for your ear........
Hi Buffalo,Thanks for the site and your perspective on the events
that happen in this world. I have to agree with one of the letters
that you had today. Why in the world would the media tell where our
leaders are at?? Why not just put them in the front of a parade and
send them down the main street in Washington? It would be the same
difference. I know we are a free nation and we should know some
things at all times but there are some things better left unsaid. The
same should be said with what our plans are as far a "response" as to
what has happened. Some people have gone into much to much detail
about what we could possibly have planned. My son is in the Navy and
I for one sure as hell don't want the enemy to know anything!! We
elected these people to make the best decisions for this nation and I
think the media should just wait and see what's going to happen just
as the rest of us should. It's a scary time for all of us but we sure
don't need to help the enemy by runn! ing our mouths about stuff they
don't need to know!! God Bless you and the rest of this Great
P.S. Keep up the good work you have been doing and Thanks for the
diversion you give us from all that has happened!!
Have a GREAT day!! :o)
would it possible for you toput in one of your daily jokes a
downloadable AMERICAN FLAG?
as it is impossible to find a flag it might be helpful....
Sure Ray Via our Poofcat
I read the message from Clay about Buffalo's in Athens, Georgia. As an
Athenian, I have eaten at Buffalo's several times. Buffalo, if you'd
like a menu, let me know - I'll be happy to send you one :o)
Thanks for the chips, and keep them coming.
I must agree with everyone that we have to have some sense of routine
back in our lives since the crashes. Your lists help to distract us
from actual reality. I just wish that the television channels would
follow your example (Fox5 in Atlanta - are you listening? And no, I'm
not talking about the FoxNews channel, but our local broadcasting
station.) As much as I'd like to keep updated on what's going on, I'd
also like to have my mind distracted from the crashes, and with 24
hour coverage being all that's on the boob tube, it doesn't leave
much room for any other thoughts. It's also having an effect on my
children, considering they are used to being able to find something
on TV, but all they see are smoking buildings and they only hear
about the death toll and retribution. Let the kids be kids - turn it
off and make us read it in banners across the bottom of the screen.
Break in to programming if it's something important, but allow us
something else for our minds already! The only thing that having it
on 24 hours per day is doing is adding fuel to the inferno that's
already brewing. 'Nuff griping?
Anyway, thanks for giving us something to give us a little normalcy
lives in this chaotic time.
( Had a good friend on the Constellation named Joe Varnell from Athens
our paths split in 77 and like lots of people we never kept touch .
Remember the town though because of the difference in pronunciation
from Athens Ill.
which has a short A sound.)
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A guy and several of his buddies used to frequent a certain
restaurant. The food was always good, but the waitress always
looked and sounded very sour. One evening, one of the friends
was feeling rather good, and jokingly asked the waitress when
she came to take their orders, "Ma'am, do you believe in free
love?" The waitress huffed up and almost yelled at the man, "I
certainly do not!" With a great big grin, the man asked, "Well,
Darlin', what do you charge?"
Adult Adult Adult Adult
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