via my freind Divina ... 3. Robin Wright Penn made
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, Apr 1, 2003
via my freind Divina
Powell Offers Proof of Saddam-Osama Link, March 27, 2003
by Gil Christner
UNITED NATIONS - Secretary of State Colin Powell today offered
incontrovertible proof of the long-sought-after link between Saddam
Hussein's Regime and the al Qaeda Terrorist Network.
In a speech before the General Assembly, General Powell was able to
show, through a series of "degrees of separation," how Hussein was
merely 6 people away from Osama bin Laden, leader of al Qaeda. Using charts, graphs, and all AV equipment available to the U.N., Powell presented his case to the General Assembly and the entire world, which was watching via television cameras.
Never rambling or tentative, a confident Sec. Powell spoke with a voice
of authority, outlining the solid connection between the leader of Iraq and
the group of terrorists deemed "the most dangerous people to Humanity"
by Fox News Network. The series of charts and graphs were presented in 14
different languages, including Farsi, Aramaic and German. French was
inexplicably left out of the languages used.
In sum, here are Gen. Powell's arguments:
1. In December of 2002, actor Sean Penn went to Baghdad, home of
2. Sean Penn is married to actress Robin Wright Penn
3. Robin Wright Penn made
the movie "Forrest Gump" with Tom Hanks.
4. Tom Hanks made the film "Apollo 13" with Kevin Bacon.
5. Kevin Bacon made a Visa card commercial with Indian-born character
actor Sahid Benjali.
6. Sahid Benjali used to bartend at the Lingerie Club in Hollywood. In
the early 80's he served drinks to Carmen bin Laden, a former USC student,
who is Osama's sister-in-law.
After Gen. Powell's presentation, there were several heated discussions,
with many of the delegates making angry responses, some of which were
not too flattering to the case being made.
"6 degrees? Fah!" said Ahmad Abul Gheit, the delegate from Egypt. "I can
get from Saddam to Osama in 5 people! Including Madonna!"
"5 people? I can do it in four," retorted Elinor Hammarskjold, the
Swedish delegate. "And I don't need to use Kevin Bacon! Just give me the
Farrelly Brothers and a pool boy in Bel-Air!" Where upon the entire floor of the U.N. erupted into arguments.
Eventually the winner emerged: Tanzania delegate Mark J. Mwando was able
to get from Saddam to Osama in 2 steps:
1. In 1983, Saddam Hussein met with then U.S. Envoy Donald Rumsfeld,
working on behalf of the Ronald Reagan-George Bush Sr. administration, to
arm Iraq against Iran.
2. George Bush Sr. was formerly the head of the CIA, the organization which armed Osama bin Laden and provided training to his followers in the 80's.
For coming up with the winning entry, Delegate Mwando was treated to a
party platter from the Carnegie Deli on 7th Ave. "This is wonderful,"
Mwando said as he munched on a dill pickle.
Sec. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld could not be reached for comment.
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