Simona Rich: How to gain emotional independence
How to Gain Emotional IndependenceAugust 23, 2013 By Leave a CommentUsually men and women have different emotional independence issues.Mostly men overdo it and women either overdo or lack it.In this post I will tell how to overcome biggest emotional independence issues specific for men and women as well as mutual emotional problems.
Emotional independence issue with womenWomen get to the extremes of emotional independence when they become control-freaks. This makes them overly masculine and assertive. This quality isn’t feminine and thus it’s not attractive for a woman to have.Usually women who are controlling are not aware of how they look to the outside world. They’re so tense and stressed that it clearly shows on their faces. When I see women like that I remark in my mind “Take it easy” as they look so in need of good relaxation!I don’t usually see Asian women like that; it’s the disease of the US mainly, as well as UK and some other European countries.Such women want to have everything, absolutely everything, under control and when something goes not according to their plan they get even more stressed and controlling. Women as such need to understand that this stress and control is unnecessary.Let God control things for you whilst you relax and watch events taking place smoothly and for the goodness of all. It works perfectly. The Universal Intelligence knows what’s best for you and it loves you unconditionally. Give it a chance to control things for you.
Giving up the whole world – another female emotional independence issueMany women, as well as some men, tend to make their whole worlds revolve around someone they really love. They invest all their emotions and everything else for the relationship to go smoothly.That looks like a nice thing to do, but it’s harmful. Each one of us is an independent being with our own issues to solve and goals to achieve. Let’s not sacrifice the lessons we came to this earth to learn for serving some individual.I can’t count how many bitter women I met over my life who kept reflecting back onto how much they did for someone only to be let down, and how angry and unhappy they are because of this.They can’t let go of their grudges, and I understand why! They might have sacrificed years of their lives and the person just left or didn’t appreciate their efforts.The thing is, the other person doesn’t have to appreciate your efforts. You should understand that you should live for yourself and not for others. You need to learn why you’re here on earth and direct your energies to realize yourself. If you direct energies to please others, you will sooner or later become very unhappy, that I can guarantee.When I’m in a relationship with someone, I open all my heart to the person. I fully opened my heart to my ex partner, for example. I loved him deeply and it’s amazing how deeply you can love someone and be loved back. However when the relationship ran its course and karma was no more, it was time to finish it.Although I still think my ex partner is brilliant in many ways, there’s no emotional clinging, nor there was on the day I finished the relationship. That’s because I didn’t sacrifice my life for him, so there was nothing much to alter once the relationship was over. The person was gone, yet my life ran as smoothly as it did when I was in the relationship.It’s the devotional nature of women that’s to blame for so many wasted lives, and I think it was installed in us from the patriarchal societies and not by God. We are just recovering from the male rule, so it makes sense that some mental relics are still there.
Emotional independence issue with menMen, and sometimes women, tend to store their emotions inside in order to show how strong they are to the world. That’s a very dangerous and unhealthy thing to do, especially if a male is hot-blooded.This storing of emotions will, if not consciously released, get forcefully released. That’s why men commit more crimes and are more aggressive than females.Men must find some way to release their emotions. Write about it and burn it; talk to your friends about your issues – females especially would be great listeners, if your male friends are too male; hire a therapist and open all your heart to him/her to completely empty yourself. There are even numbers to call with volunteers listening to your problems.If you do any of these things to release the destructive emotions, I can’t describe how good it will feel to empty yourself of this poison. Releasing your emotions regularly will keep you looking younger, will extend your life and… showing emotions is a very attractive thing to do! Most women, including myself, prefer men who are not afraid to show their emotions.
Emotional independence issues with celebritiesWhen people get all emotional when they see a band playing or an actor performing, that shows that they’re channeling their emotions towards that/those person(s). It’s seen everywhere in the world and gets especially crazy in India, where sometimes people sleep on the streets near where the celebrity lives in the hope to see him/her in the window!Know that to channel emotions into any celebrity is unhealthy. It takes your power away and thus makes you unbalanced. It makes you unsure in your views and weak-willed.If you want to hear a more metaphysical outcome of adoring celebrities, here it is. Fans give their life force to the stars and thus have less of it left to realize themselves. They deprive themselves from experiencing higher notes of this world, let alone other worlds.It’s widely accepted and encouraged to have a favorite actor or a musician. I don’t have one and I feel happy about it. Why to channel your energy to someone else when you can keep it inside for the energy to accomplish wonderful things?
Emotional independence issue with cults and religionsWhen in any religion the god, guru or a leader asks to completely surrender yourself to him/her, think very carefully before doing it! Surrendering means you are open to possession and give your mind, body, and maybe even your soul, to some being.God in my understanding is Intelligent Energy That Already Is You so you don’t have to surrender yourself to it! Too many times I saw mindless cult slaves who indeed surrendered their beings to some gurus or gods and thus became mindless puppets. I’d rather avoid that.
Emotional independence issues with familiesThe quicker you move out of your family home, the quicker you will become emotionally independent. It’s not healthy to live with your mom or dad or even brothers or sisters after your teens. That’s because if you do, you will never really know yourself.Family impact is so great because you’re blood-related and there are very strong emotional bonds present. You can’t escape this impact if you live in the same house.Try to severe the bonds with your family, especially if they are controlling. You must understand who you really are – don’t let anyone, not even your family, to prevent you from knowing yourself. Distance yourself physically and cut the bonds spiritually by visualizing the rays you share being cut.If you have children, teach them to be independent as early as possible and teach them to form their own views of life rather than suggesting your own. Children later in life start hating their parents for getting them into unsuitable careers or changing their lives in other unsuitable ways. It’s important for each human being to develop according to their own ways and not the ways of others.
ConclusionThere are different emotional independence issues men and women have to tackle. For men it’s usually storing emotions inside that get them out of balance, whilst women sometimes become control-freaks or invest too much of their lives into a relationship.Both men and women can experience other emotional independence issues such as becoming too much emotionally attached to a celebrity, becoming a cult slave or not being able to live independent life from the family.All these emotional independence issues must be solved for the human being to feel happy and healthy. It’s natural and healthy to rely on yourself and feel strength when the chaos prevails outside. You can achieve such a state by developing your emotional independence.If you follow the advice of this post you will be well on your way to becoming emotionally independent.If you find it hard to follow this advice you may consider getting my Non Attachment Ebook. It will help you end your emotional bonds quickly so that you would get your inner balance and thus emotional independence back.
About Simona RichI aim to inform, inspire and empower people to change their lives.
I live in tropical South India, ride scooter, meditate, do yoga and read spiritual books. That's the kind of "unusual" life I always wanted to have.
Read my story to find out how from humble beginnings I created my life the way it is now.© Partial Copyright Personal Development Coach 2013. You may copy the free content of this blog providing you leave a link to this blog after each copied article.
'May we live in peace without weeping. May our joy outline the lives we touch without ceasing. And may our love fill the world, angel wings tenderly beating.'