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RE: << lovingpurelove >> My illness story

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  • Spiritus Sanctus
    Dear Nachi, I could write a long reply, containing similarities of parts of my life with yours. But to make a long story short, the key is to LOVE THE FEELINGS
    Message 1 of 2 , May 2, 2005
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      Dear Nachi, I could write a long reply, containing similarities of parts of
      my life with yours. But to make a long story short, the key is to LOVE THE
      FEELINGS WHEN THEY COME UP. Simply that. Don't run, don't hide, don't
      rationalize, don't resist. Love the panic. Stop and take the time to hold it
      in your hands and love it with your heart. You are loving a little part of
      yourself, who was very scared, and needs your love now. Try this and see.
      Once you make a habit of doing this, it will all flow rather nicely to
      healing...day by day as the feelings come up. Your sister in transformation
      and transmutation, Cynthia

      -----Original Message-----
      From: lovingpurelove@yahoogroups.com [mailto:lovingpurelove@yahoogroups.com]
      On Behalf Of Nachiketan
      Sent: Monday, May 02, 2005 9:50 AM
      To: THEPENDULUMFORUM@yahoogroups.com; soulfood1@yahoogroups.com;
      lovingpurelove@yahoogroups.com; lifesolutions@yahoogroups.com;
      Subject: << lovingpurelove >> My illness story

      Dear All,


      I am sharing my illness story with you. I am not proud of the many realities
      of my life and of my nature yet they do exist. Its hard to be
      vulnerable..yet I think it is an important step.

      I would appriciate and request guidance, and support.

      With Much Love,


      I have Panic disorder alongwith ADD, and Bipolar disorder. I also have

      I have also had an abusive and secluded childhood which alongwith my
      disorders have made me life miserable.

      I am jobless for last few years amounting to not being able to adjust to the
      practicalities of life.

      I am in constant panic, worrying over every little thing, procrastinating,
      fearing change, and I don't know how to get back my life.

      In my mind thoughts fly like zillion butterflies..and I am completely
      exhausted by them..I have hard time being conscious of the present
      moment..so I either play a game in my mind..any game just to keep my mind
      busy or talk to myself or live in dreamworld..or have conversations with my
      efriends/friends/people..in my mind..its like I need some voice going in my
      mind..and the silence in my mind or around me makes me panic..I feel the
      walls are closing on me..

      I worry over what if thoughts and there are many silly scary thoughts like
      that of ghosts or of probability of death in an event..anything can make me

      When I look at men..I think they might look upon me as an object..when with
      women..I am in constant panic..even kids make me ill at ease..I shudder
      everytime a telephone bell rings..

      when I walk a small step towards changing for the better..I feel suffocated
      and have to walk back..its like there is some resistance for change in my

      I have ghastly nightmares at night and have hard time finding sound sleep.

      I have read countless self help books but haven't been able to put them to
      use..its like every day I have to start from the beginning..no amount of
      discipline or resolve can make permanent changes in my life. I am tired of
      trying and losing and now every time I try I cant swallow because I can
      think of only losing..

      I forget easily..and have hard time learning things..that's why I hated
      being in a job..since I have no practical knowledge of this world..am not
      good at even at business..and have no idea how I am going to earn my living.

      I don't want my life to be in vain..I want to prove to the people in my
      world that inspite of having all these mental disorder a person can make
      positive contribution to the world..

      Posting message to this list:


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