Re: << lovingpurelove >> My illness story
- My dear Nachi:To me you are very, very special and I am honored to be your friend.A Friend can bring out the sunshine in our hearts just by smiling . . .(Much of your poetry does this for me and uplifts my soul)A Friend brings out the poetry in our souls just by listening.A Friend shares the joy of each season with us . . .Gather up the magic and laughter of shared moments andgentle memories.A friend is someone who eases into our lives gracefully . . .Refreshing us, enriching us, helping us discover aPart of ourselves that we have never known.I will keep you in God's Golden Healing Stream of Love and Light daily and have askedArchangel Michael and Archangel Raphael to enrich you with their protection and Healingconstantly.Have to go to my dentist appointment but will call in my guides later to ask for further guidancewith your permission . You are such a precious soul to me.Angel Hugs for a Rainbow Healing!Love, Light, and Peaceful Blessings,Shirley Irene-------Original Message-------From: NachiketanDate: 05/02/05 09:50:27To: THEPENDULUMFORUM@yahoogroups.com; firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.comSubject: << lovingpurelove >> My illness storyDear All,Hi,I am sharing my illness story with you. I am not proud of the many realities of my life and of my nature yet they do exist. Its hard to be vulnerable..yet I think it is an important step.I would appriciate and request guidance, and support.With Much Love,Nachi.I have Panic disorder alongwith ADD, and Bipolar disorder. I also have Hypoglycemia.I have also had an abusive and secluded childhood which alongwith my disorders have made me life miserable.I am jobless for last few years amounting to not being able to adjust to the practicalities of life.I am in constant panic, worrying over every little thing, procrastinating, fearing change, and I don't know how to get back my life.In my mind thoughts fly like zillion butterflies..and I am completely exhausted by them..I have hard time being conscious of the present moment..so I either play a game in my mind..any game just to keep my mind busy or talk to myself or live in dreamworld..or have conversations with my efriends/friends/people..in my mind..its like I need some voice going in my mind..and the silence in my mind or around me makes me panic..I feel the walls are closing on me..I worry over what if thoughts and there are many silly scary thoughts like that of ghosts or of probability of death in an event..anything can make me nervous..When I look at men..I think they might look upon me as an object..when with women..I am in constant panic..even kids make me ill at ease..I shudder everytime a telephone bell rings..when I walk a small step towards changing for the better..I feel suffocated and have to walk back..its like there is some resistance for change in my heart/head.I have ghastly nightmares at night and have hard time finding sound sleep.I have read countless self help books but haven't been able to put them to use..its like every day I have to start from the beginning..no amount of discipline or resolve can make permanent changes in my life. I am tired of trying and losing and now every time I try I cant swallow because I can think of only losing..I forget easily..and have hard time learning things..that's why I hated being in a job..since I have no practical knowledge of this world..am not good at even at business..and have no idea how I am going to earn my living.I don't want my life to be in vain..I want to prove to the people in my world that inspite of having all these mental disorder a person can make positive contribution to the world..
Posting message to this list:
- Nachi, dear friend and soul, what is your centering mantra?We all need something that brings us to our center, brings us into our personal heart space of abundance.You seek balance in your life experience. You need to develop more earth concerns and interactions.You love plants, maybe you might find gardening work, or something that involves music, poetry, or children. Appreciate getting involved with life on YOUR level, both inside and out. Trust that the path lays before you. We are all with you in the Loving Spirit.Love, Polly