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My illness story

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  • Nachiketan
    Dear All, Hi, I am sharing my illness story with you. I am not proud of the many realities of my life and of my nature yet they do exist. Its hard to be
    Message 1 of 2 , May 2, 2005
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      Dear All,
       
      Hi,
       
      I am sharing my illness story with you. I am not proud of the many realities of my life and of my nature yet they do exist. Its hard to be vulnerable..yet I think it is an important step.
       
      I would appriciate and request guidance, and support.
       
       
      With Much Love,
       
      Nachi.
       
       
       
       
      I have Panic disorder alongwith ADD, and Bipolar disorder. I also have Hypoglycemia.
       
      I have also had an abusive and secluded childhood which alongwith my disorders have made me life miserable.
       
      I am jobless for last few years amounting to not being able to adjust to the practicalities of life.
       
      I am in constant panic, worrying over every little thing, procrastinating, fearing change, and I don't know how to get back my life.
       
       
       
       
      In my mind thoughts fly like zillion butterflies..and I am completely exhausted by them..I have hard time being conscious of the present moment..so I either play a game in my mind..any game just to keep my mind busy or talk to myself or live in dreamworld..or have conversations with my efriends/friends/people..in my mind..its like I need some voice going in my mind..and the silence in my mind or around me makes me panic..I feel the walls are closing on me..
       
      I worry over what if thoughts and there are many silly scary thoughts like that of ghosts or of probability of death in an event..anything can make me nervous..
       
      When I look at men..I think they might look upon me as an object..when with women..I am in constant panic..even kids make me ill at ease..I shudder everytime a telephone bell rings..
       
      when I walk a small step towards changing for the better..I feel suffocated and have to walk back..its like there is some resistance for change in my heart/head.
       
      I have ghastly nightmares at night and have hard time finding sound sleep.
       
      I have read countless self help books but haven't been able to put them to use..its like every day I have to start from the beginning..no amount of discipline or resolve can make permanent changes in my life. I am tired of trying and losing and now every time I try I cant swallow because I can think of only losing..
       
      I forget easily..and have hard time learning things..that's why I hated being in a job..since I have no practical knowledge of this world..am not good at even at business..and have no idea how I am going to earn my living.
       
       
       
       
      I don't want my life to be in vain..I want to prove to the people in my world that inspite of having all these mental disorder a person can make positive contribution to the world..
       
       
       
    • Spiritus Sanctus
      Dear Nachi, I could write a long reply, containing similarities of parts of my life with yours. But to make a long story short, the key is to LOVE THE FEELINGS
      Message 2 of 2 , May 2, 2005
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        Dear Nachi, I could write a long reply, containing similarities of parts of
        my life with yours. But to make a long story short, the key is to LOVE THE
        FEELINGS WHEN THEY COME UP. Simply that. Don't run, don't hide, don't
        rationalize, don't resist. Love the panic. Stop and take the time to hold it
        in your hands and love it with your heart. You are loving a little part of
        yourself, who was very scared, and needs your love now. Try this and see.
        Once you make a habit of doing this, it will all flow rather nicely to
        healing...day by day as the feelings come up. Your sister in transformation
        and transmutation, Cynthia

        -----Original Message-----
        From: lovingpurelove@yahoogroups.com [mailto:lovingpurelove@yahoogroups.com]
        On Behalf Of Nachiketan
        Sent: Monday, May 02, 2005 9:50 AM
        To: THEPENDULUMFORUM@yahoogroups.com; soulfood1@yahoogroups.com;
        lovingpurelove@yahoogroups.com; lifesolutions@yahoogroups.com;
        spirituallypresent@yahoogroups.com
        Subject: << lovingpurelove >> My illness story






        Dear All,

        Hi,

        I am sharing my illness story with you. I am not proud of the many realities
        of my life and of my nature yet they do exist. Its hard to be
        vulnerable..yet I think it is an important step.

        I would appriciate and request guidance, and support.


        With Much Love,

        Nachi.




        I have Panic disorder alongwith ADD, and Bipolar disorder. I also have
        Hypoglycemia.

        I have also had an abusive and secluded childhood which alongwith my
        disorders have made me life miserable.

        I am jobless for last few years amounting to not being able to adjust to the
        practicalities of life.

        I am in constant panic, worrying over every little thing, procrastinating,
        fearing change, and I don't know how to get back my life.




        In my mind thoughts fly like zillion butterflies..and I am completely
        exhausted by them..I have hard time being conscious of the present
        moment..so I either play a game in my mind..any game just to keep my mind
        busy or talk to myself or live in dreamworld..or have conversations with my
        efriends/friends/people..in my mind..its like I need some voice going in my
        mind..and the silence in my mind or around me makes me panic..I feel the
        walls are closing on me..

        I worry over what if thoughts and there are many silly scary thoughts like
        that of ghosts or of probability of death in an event..anything can make me
        nervous..

        When I look at men..I think they might look upon me as an object..when with
        women..I am in constant panic..even kids make me ill at ease..I shudder
        everytime a telephone bell rings..

        when I walk a small step towards changing for the better..I feel suffocated
        and have to walk back..its like there is some resistance for change in my
        heart/head.

        I have ghastly nightmares at night and have hard time finding sound sleep.

        I have read countless self help books but haven't been able to put them to
        use..its like every day I have to start from the beginning..no amount of
        discipline or resolve can make permanent changes in my life. I am tired of
        trying and losing and now every time I try I cant swallow because I can
        think of only losing..

        I forget easily..and have hard time learning things..that's why I hated
        being in a job..since I have no practical knowledge of this world..am not
        good at even at business..and have no idea how I am going to earn my living.





        I don't want my life to be in vain..I want to prove to the people in my
        world that inspite of having all these mental disorder a person can make
        positive contribution to the world..





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