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  • nachi@bluebottle.com
    Feb 14, 2005
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      Dear All,
      Due to a family issue I will have to move to the new family home to be with my parents and brother. For all of my life I have been living in the middle of the city..surrounded by gardens, people, friends, memories..and now suddenly I am being cut away from everything that I hold dear to my heart.
      The worst part is that I will have to be with my family. My parents, elder brother are good at heart but sadly they live in lack and are mass of big fears..i have a hard time dealing with my own fears..so i just don't know what should I be doing to save myself from sinking in their fears. We are constantly biting each others head off..bickering, fighting..all of it drains whatever little positive that one can feel in ones heart.
      Many a times I feel like leaving them to be on my own..but I don't have the means, brains, heart to be independent..and they are the only family that i have. Its sickening to a part of those victims'
      Add to that I will be living outside the city and will have to travel in overcrowded trains, and will have to find and hold a job for my own good. I get panicky even at the thought of travelling in those trains..for there is every chance of accident. And God..I don't know how I am going to find and more importantly hold a job and have future in it.
      My only saving grace for last 3 years has been this PC. When I will shift to the our other family home I will have very less time to be on PC..which worries me..
      I just don't know what to do. I need a miracle.
      I need success in career without massive panic attacks., My own PC, a new home for myself, be in relationships, have real caring friends in life.What should I do?
      How can I appreciate being in this cage? and practice abundance..when my heart isn't feeling any gratefulness?
      All I have in my heart is deep yearning for life and pain..like a dying man..i crave for a breath of fresh air..a moment without panic, lacking..
      With the skills and brains that I have..and my health issues..I cant see much future for me..sometimes life seems to be a bad dream..I want to wake up..find miracles, claim my self but the laws of abundance scare me..
      I don't know..i try to change myself...but its hard to change. There is so much going on my in head, heart, life..and balance is hard to find..with no support, no love coming in life from anyone. With every passing day my panic attacks get bigger and nastier
      I feel as if the walls are closing on me..
      I am sorry..I seem to have written pile of such letters..somehow it slips through my hands,
      Any word of sanity, support will be greatly appreciated,
      Love & Hugs,
       P.S. Please Reply in Private as I cant view the Yahoo Groups Page.
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