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How to cheat sharks out of a meal!

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  • Anton Potgieter
    Hi all, I am pretty much on the learner side of the curve, however here is something which may help some of you out there. Most of my kiting is done in Cape
    Message 1 of 2 , Apr 8 11:39 PM
      Hi all,

      I am pretty much on the learner side of the curve, however here is something
      which may help some of you out there. Most of my kiting is done in Cape
      Town, pretty awesome conditions, but the sea also gets gnarly and vicious at
      times. The other day my centre lines on my 7.0m Naish broke, leaving me
      some way offshore, pondering my life and waiting for a large fin to break
      the surface (we have some big ones here!) Anyway, I pulled down one of the
      remaining lines to the kite, and because it is converted it has 2 nice
      rolled up sausages of kite on each side which make acceptable "handles" -
      not too sore on the hands. I was able to hang onto these, put the kite
      across the wind, and drag almost dead cross-wind back to shore. Cool! I am
      now going to fit lightweight handles of some sort between the connection
      points on both my Naish inflatables, so as to get an easy ride home if the
      lines break again - which is quite common amongst the guys here from what I
      can see.

      Regards,
      Anton.
      Cape Town, South Africa.



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    • captain1@iname.com
      HOW TO SURVIVE A SHARK ATTACK 1: Don t swim in the ocean. Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally large bodies of water also known
      Message 2 of 2 , Apr 9 1:15 AM
        HOW TO SURVIVE A SHARK ATTACK

        1: Don't swim in the ocean.
        Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally
        large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if
        you are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be
        salty. (Exception: the Dead Sea.)

        2: Listen for the music.
        In the event that you are foolish enough to recreate in an ocean,
        listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvelous
        documentary film "Jaws." All shark attacks are preceded by the "daah-
        da, daah-da" chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the
        shark gets closer. This is due to the doppler effect.

        3: Swim with fat people.
        Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know
        them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with A-1
        Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds.

        4: Don't panic.
        In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This
        really won't help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will
        appreciate you not shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling.



        Kinds of Shark Attacks

        --The "hello" bite.
        Sharks are not equipped with the appropriate vocal devices to hold a
        proper conversation. Often, they are just curious about the weather.
        Always watch the latest weather report prior to entering the ocean,
        and be ready to shout this information to the shark. They may still
        bite you, but it would only be a "thanks" bite, which is not nearly
        as dangerous.

        --The bump and run
        Often, the shark just needs a dance partner. They are very proud,
        such that even though all sharks are uniformly poor dancers, each one
        thinks he or she is quite good at it and will refuse to dance with
        other sharks. The shark probably thinks you are a seal (seals are
        very good dancers.) So if the shark bumps up into you a couple of
        times, do your best seal impression. If he is sober, he will swim
        away in a few minutes. If drunk, the shark will dance for quite some
        time, and then attempt to mate with you.

        --The cinematic bite
        Easily the most dangerous type of shark attack, this only takes place
        in the presence of movie cameras. The shark will either pull you
        dramatically under the water, letting you go long enough to scream
        and then pulling you under again, or, he will come up out of the
        water and eat you whole. On film, it's remarkably dramatic.
        Unfortunately, it is also somewhat lethal.
        ###########################################



        --- In ksurfschool@y..., Anton Potgieter <apotgieter@t...> wrote:
        > Hi all,
        >
        > I am pretty much on the learner side of the curve, however here is
        something
        > which may help some of you out there. Most of my kiting is done in
        Cape
        > Town, pretty awesome conditions, but the sea also gets gnarly and
        vicious at
        > times. The other day my centre lines on my 7.0m Naish broke,
        leaving me
        > some way offshore, pondering my life and waiting for a large fin to
        break
        > the surface (we have some big ones here!) Anyway, I pulled down
        one of the
        > remaining lines to the kite, and because it is converted it has 2
        nice
        > rolled up sausages of kite on each side which make
        acceptable "handles" -
        > not too sore on the hands. I was able to hang onto these, put the
        kite
        > across the wind, and drag almost dead cross-wind back to shore.
        Cool! I am
        > now going to fit lightweight handles of some sort between the
        connection
        > points on both my Naish inflatables, so as to get an easy ride home
        if the
        > lines break again - which is quite common amongst the guys here
        from what I
        > can see.
        >
        > Regards,
        > Anton.
        > Cape Town, South Africa.
        >
        >
        >
        > NOTE: The information in this email is confidential and may be
        legally
        > privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, you must not
        read, use
        > or disseminate that information. Any opinions or advice contained
        in this
        > email are not necessarily those of TelePassport (Pty) Ltd. Although
        this
        > email and
        > any attachments are believed to be free of any virus, or any other
        defect
        > which might affect any computer or IT system into which they are
        received
        > and opened, it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure
        that they
        > are virus free and no responsibility is accepted by TelePassport
        (Pty) Ltd
        > for any
        > loss or damage arising in any way from receipt or use thereof.
        > WWW: http://www.telepassport.co.za
        > EMail : enquiries@t...
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