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Konformist: Football, Ritual Homosexual Conquest

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  • Robalini@aol.com
    Please send as far and wide as possible. Thanks, Robert Sterling Editor, The Konformist http://www.konformist.com acharya_s@yahoo.com I guess the football
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 30, 2000
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      Please send as far and wide as possible.


      Robert Sterling
      Editor, The Konformist


      I guess the football thing won't get you out of your
      obvious fixation on Ricky Martin. HA!

      Lee Markland <markland@...>

      Football, Ritual Homosexual Conquest

      Professor Alan Dundes (America's leading Folklorist) has a delightful
      explanation for football: it is ritualized homosexual conquest. Please
      consider the symbolic aspects of this sport.

      The object of football is to "penetrate your opponent's endzone" with the
      football (an oblong, flesh-covered object that must be pumped up to
      appropriate firmness before "play" begins). The assault begins with the
      players taking rather peculiar positions (bent over with asses held high).
      It is well to note that football players' bodies are armored except for their
      buttocks, which are clearly outlined by the traditional, tight, form-fitting
      clothing. This fixation on rear-ends is further expressed in the names assign
      ed to each position (quarterBACK, fullBACK, etc.) This has no relationship
      to the front or back of the field, as both offense and defense use it.

      Play begins when the Center snaps the ball: that is, he passes the phallus
      from between his legs, the obvious visual symbol being the expulsion of the
      phallus from his anus. The quarterback, (in the "pocket" at this time)
      usually attempts to insert the ball in his team-mates. Among his favorite
      targets are the "tight-end" or the "wide-receiver." A successful "drive"
      presses the ball further into the opponent's territory.

      Meanwhile, the opposition does its best to "reverse the drive." They will
      try to get the quarterback "in the sack." Special rules forbid the
      quarterback from "spiking" the ball (driving it hard into the ground) when
      he's still in the "pocket." The defense will try to intercept the ball, and
      drive it back into their opponents, but again, special rules prevent certain
      "interferrence," (ie. Obstructing the quarter-back's attempt to insert the
      phallus into his intended receiver).

      Few things are more embarrasing to a player than to "fumble," (ie. failing
      to keep driving the phallus, instead allowing it to drop flacidly). Some
      face is saved by "recovering," but a "turn-over" is to be dreaded. Shocking
      to all is an "interception," in which the phallus is blocked and immediately
      driven back into the offense.

      There are two ways to "score." Best is to have the phallus firmly in hand
      and physically drive it into the "endzone." Failing that, some points can be
      made by kicking the ball so that it passes between the opponents'
      goal-posts, (two limbs, enticingly spread open throughout the ritual).

      When a player "scores," he often drives the ball hard into his opponent's
      endzone in a ritual display that has no bearing on the game and is even
      banned in college games, but exists because of its powerful symbolic imagery.
      The scoring team-members will thrust or rythmetically pump their fists into
      the air, grab and pat each other's asses, and strut triumphantly through
      their opponent's end zone, often grinding their hips in the recently popular
      "victory dance."

      Two closing questions: Dundes suggests that the sexual nature of football is
      manifest by hightened sexual appetite immediately before and after "play."
      Did those of you who played football, or those who dated football players
      find this to be true? Please be as explicit as possible. Women's sports
      have become far more popular and aggressive as women have moved into the
      workplace. Women's basketball, baseball and soccer all draw large crowds,
      but football remains almost exclusively a man's game. Does the public not
      wish to see women with phallus' sexually dominating one another, or do women
      not identify with male homosexual imagery and so gravitate to other sports?

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