Stoner Cooking 3-27-13
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Editor, The Konformist
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Tyler Durden Strikes Again!
Ikea recalls chocolate cakes after fecal bacteria is detected
A week after pulling horse meat-laden meatballs, the furniture mega-retailer is hit with yet another food scandal
TUESDAY, MAR 5, 2013
Sad lunchtime news: Only weeks after being outed for having traces of horse meat in their Swedish meatballs, furniture mega-retailer Ikea has recalled yet another food item from their shelves.
This time around it's the chain's chocolate almond cake, which Chinese authorities found contained excessive levels of coliform bacteria, which is present fecal matter.
Deep breaths, people. Deep breaths.
As reported by The Huffington Post, the Shanghai quarantine bureau reportedly destroyed 4,100 pounds of the chocolate almond cake that Ikea imported through a Swedish supplier. Ikea spokeswoman Ylva Magnusson said the company is looking into whether the cakes should be withdrawn from sale elsewhere. The company said it is making a "full investigation" with its supplier to ensure that there won't be any, ahem, crappy cakes on the market in the future.
In addition to grossing out every single person in the whole entire world, Ikea's newly tarnished food-safety record could seriously hurt the retailer's $35.17 billion in annual food sales revenue.
"Krispy Kreme" Donut Holes
Makes 2 Dozen
1 package of active-dry yeast
2 ½ tablespoons of warm water
2/3 cups + 1 tablespoon of milk, heated in microwave for one minute, then cooled
¼ cup of sugar
½ teaspoon of salt
2 ½ tablespoons of shortening
2 ½ cups of all-purpose flour
Canola Oil for Frying
3 tablespoons of butter, room temperature
1 cup of powdered sugar
1 teaspoon of vanilla
3-5 tablespoons of evaporated milk
In a stand mixer, sprinkle all of the yeast into the warm water. Let it rest for 2 minutes before mixing. Let rest for 10 minutes until it begins to foam.
To the yeast mixture, add the milk, sugar, salt, eggs, shortening, and 1½ cups of flour. Attach the dough hook and turn on low speed for 30 seconds, remembering to scrape the sides every once in a while.
Increase to medium speed for 2 minutes. Slowly add the rest of the flour, ½ cup at a time.
Cover and let rise until doubled in size, about 45-60 minutes.
After the dough has risen, turn the dough onto a floured surface and with a floured rolling pin gently roll dough to about ½-inch thickness.
Cut with floured round cutters.
Cover and let rise until double in size, about 30 minutes.
In the meantime, make the glaze.
Melt the butter and stir in the powdered sugar and vanilla until smooth.
Add the evaporated milk 1 tablespoon at a time until you get the desired consistency. Set aside.
In a deep pan or cast-iron skillet, use a candy thermometer to heat up about ¾-inch of canola oil to 350 degrees.
When the oil is properly heated, gently place the donuts in the oil, cook each side for about 45-60 seconds.
Place donuts on rack to drain and cool.
When cooled, dip the donuts (one or both sides) in the glaze and place back onto the rack to allow for any excess glaze to drip off.
Serve and enjoy!!!
Sausage and Egg Muffin Cups
Prep time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Recipe style: American
Net Carbs: 1.6 Fiber: 0.5 Protein: 31.5 Fat: 23.5 Calories: 353
2/3 Pound breakfast sausage or chorizo
2/3 Pound ground turkey
1/4 Teaspoon dried thyme
1 Tablespoon dried parsley
1/8 Teaspoon ground cayenne or chipotle (a pinch or to taste)
1/4 Teaspoon paprika
1/8 Teaspoon ground nutmeg (a pinch)
1/2 Teaspoon salt
1/4 Teaspoon ground black pepper
2/3 Cup finely diced red bell pepper
13 large eggs
Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease a muffin tin with twelve wells.
Combine the sausage and ground turkey until thoroughly mixed.
Add thyme, parsley, cayenne, paprika, nutmeg, salt, black pepper, chopped red bell peppers and 1 egg. Mix together with hands until all ingredients are incorporated.
Divide sausage mixture evenly between the 12 muffin wells. Push mixture up and slightly over the rims of the wells making sure there are no holes.
Crack an egg into each well and immediately place in oven. Bake for 25-30 minutes until eggs are set. Top with cheese and hot sauce or salsa if desired (don't forget to add the extra grams of NC if you do).
Simple Tuna Melt
Original recipe makes 1 sandwich
1 (6 ounce) can tuna, drained and flaked
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 pinch salt
1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
2 slices whole wheat bread
2 teaspoons chopped dill pickle
1/4 cup shredded sharp Cheddar cheese
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Place bread slices in the oven to toast while it preheats, and while you make the tuna salad.
In a small bowl, mix together the tuna, mayonnaise, salt, balsamic vinegar, mustard and dill pickle until well blended. Remove bread from the oven, and pile the tuna mixture onto one slice. Sprinkle cheese over the other slice of bread.
Bake for 7 minutes in the preheated oven, or until cheese is melted and tuna is heated through. Place the cheese side of the sandwich on top of the tuna side. Cut in half and serve immediately.
BEER, CHEESE & BACON SPREAD
If you feel like you're falling into a rut with your game day appetizers, fear not. We've got a recipe that will revive your repertoire and put a smile on the faces of the beer lovers in your group.
All you need is a bottle of flavorful beer and a block of good quality cheese to make your appetizer spread anything but ordinary. Butter makes this cream cheese-based spread seductively rich and creamy, while beer, mustard and a hint of smoky bacon ensure that the flavors in this spread will never fall flat. Serve with pretzels, crackers or kettle-cooked chips and a beer, of course!
Makes about 2 cups
8 ounces cream cheese
2 tablespoons butter, softened
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
2 ½ cups Swiss (or other Alpine style) cheese, shredded
3 ounces Porter or full-bodied brown ale like Abita TurboDog (about 5 tablespoons)
3 strips cooked bacon, crumbled, plus additional for garnish
Combine the cream cheese, butter, mustard and Swiss in a food processor. Process for 30 seconds or until well mixed. Add the beer and continue processing until very smooth. Pulse in the bacon just until incorporated.
Spread is best if made at least one day ahead. It can be stored in an air-tight container in the refrigerator up to 5 days. Remove from refrigerator an hour before serving. Garnish with additional crumbled bacon.
Recipe courtesy Paula Deen
Show: Paula's Home CookingEpisode: Game Night (Appetizers)
6 hr 15 min
6 hr 0 min
12 to 16 servings
2 pounds ground beef
2 cups diced onions
2 (15 1/2-ounce) cans pinto beans
1 (15 1/2-ounce) can pink kidney beans
1 (15 1/4-ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can Mexican-style stewed tomatoes
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can diced tomatoes
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can tomatoes with chiles
2 (4 1/2-ounce) cans diced green chiles
1 (4.6-ounce) can black olives, drained and sliced, optional
1/2 cup green olives, sliced, optional
1 (1 1/4-ounce) package taco seasoning mix
1 (1-ounce) package ranch salad dressing mix
Corn chips, for serving
Sour cream, for garnish
Grated cheese, for garnish
Chopped green onions, for garnish
Pickled jalapenos, for garnish
Brown the ground beef and onions in a large skillet; drain the excess fat, then transfer the browned beef and onions to a large slow cooker or a stockpot. Add the beans, corn, tomatoes, green chiles, black olives, green olives, taco seasoning, and ranch dressing mix, and cook in a slow cooker on low for 6 to 8 hours or simmer over low heat for about 1 hour in a pot on the stove. To serve, place a few corn chips in each bowl and ladle soup over them. Top with sour cream, cheese, green onions and jalapenos.
Crab Salad with Avocado, Tomatoes and Corn
Cooks in 5 minute Serves 3
1/2 lb lump crab meat
7 cherry tomatoes, quartered
1 avocado, diced
1 corn on the cob, kernels cut from the cob
1 tbsp cilantro, chopped
1 tbsp olive oil
1/4 tsp garlic powder
salt to taste
1. Gently combine the first four ingredients in a mixing bowl.
2. To make the dressing, mix the last 4 ingredients.
3. Pour the dressing over the crab mixture, stir gently and serve.
A couple Ramen Noodle recipes, courtesy of Richard Booth...
Ramen Velveeta Tuna Casserole
2 packages of Ramen noodles
2 cans chunk light tuna
1 can cream of mushroom soup
8oz Velveeta cheese
1/3 cup milk
1 cup frozen peas
3 tablespoons diced onion (estimated)
1 tablespoon leftover jalepenos (estimated)
1 cup crushed Pringles potato chips
A little butter, salt, and celery seed
1. Boil the ramen noodles (~3 minutes) and set aside
2. Mix the cream of mushroom soup, milk, 8oz of Velveeta (diced into cubes), butter, salt, and celery seed in a medium pot and cook over medium heat stirring often.
3. When the soup/milk/velveeta (sauce) is mixed well, pour into a large mixing bowl. Add the noodles, peas, onion, jalepenos, and tuna. Mix contents together well and transfer to a baking casserole dish.
4. Sprinkle crushed potato chips over dish.
5. Prehead the oven to 425 degrees and bake for 15-20 minutes.
Easy Fried Ramen with Ham, Peas, Broccoli
Boil ramen noodles and drain, set aside. Fry 1 cup diced ham in 2 teaspoons sesame oil, add 1 cup of peas and 1/2 cup of broccoli pieces, cook until tender.
Stir in package of ramen seasoning packet, 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder, boiled ramen noodles. Add in a little diced green onions. Stir and fry.
Americas Favorite Pork Chops
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Marinating Time: 20 minutes
Cook to 145 F with 3 minute rest
4 pork chops, 3/4-inch thick
3/4 cup Italian dressing*
1 teaspoon Worcestershire Sauce
Place all ingredients in a self-sealing bag; seal bag and place in refrigerator for at least 20 minutes (or as long as overnight).
Remove chops from bag, discarding marinade, and grill over a medium-hot fire, turning once, until just done, about 8-9 minutes total cooking time, until internal temperature on a thermometer reads 145 degrees Fahrenheit, followed by a 3-minute rest time.
* Or use a reduced-fat Italian dressing
An easy way to marinate your pork chops. Serve with Sliced Tomatoes Vinaigrette, broccoli spears and garlic mashed potatoes.
Calories: 184 calories
Protein: 25 grams
Fat: 10 grams
Sodium: 140 milligrams
Cholesterol: 60 milligrams
Saturated Fat: 2 grams
Carbohydrates: 1 grams
Cheesy Spinach Baked Penne
1 hr 21 min
Nonstick cooking spray
One 12-ounce box fiber-and-calcium-enriched penne
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds, crushed
3 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
One 28-ounce can no-salt-added crushed tomatoes
1 sprig fresh basil plus 1/2 cup leaves, torn, for garnish
Freshly ground black pepper
One 8-ounce block part-skim mozzarella (half grated, half cubed)
One 16-ounce container 1-percent cottage cheese
1/4 cup grated Parmesan
One 10-ounce block frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Mist a 2 to 2 1/2-quart rectangular or oval baking dish with nonstick cooking spray.
Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the penne and cook according to package directions for al dente.
While the pasta cooks, heat the oil in a medium pot set over medium heat. Add the fennel seeds and garlic and cook until aromatic, about 2 minutes. Add the tomatoes, basil sprig, 1 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Simmer, lowering the heat if the sauce bubbles too vigorously, until the sauce has thickened slightly, the flavors have blended together and the raw tomato taste has cooked out, 10 to 15 minutes. Remove from the heat, discard the basil and season with additional salt and pepper. Pour over the cooked pasta and toss well to coat. Add the cubed mozzarella and transfer half the pasta to the prepared baking dish.
Put the cottage cheese in the bowl of a food processor and process until smooth. Add the shredded mozzarella and Parmesan and pulse two to three times. Combine half the cottage cheese mixture with the spinach and mix to break up the spinach. Drop in spoonfuls over the pasta in the baking dish. Top the spinach layer with the rest of the pasta and then the remaining cottage cheese mixture.
Bake until bubbly and golden brown on top, about 30 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes, and then scatter the torn basil over the top.
Per Serving: Calories: 315; Total Fat: 9 grams; Saturated Fat: 4 grams; Protein: 23 grams; Total carbohydrates: 41 grams; Sugar: 4 grams; Fiber: 7.5 grams; Cholesterol: 18 milligrams; Sodium: 674 milligrams
spring daisy cake
Colored fondant makes the pretty daisies that top this light green frosted cake. Impress guests when you serve it for Easter dinner or any spring party.
Servings: Makes 10 servings.
1/2 1 lb (8 oz) boxprepared white fondant
Gel-paste food coloring
2 8-inchround cake layers (your favorite yellow cake recipe)
1 recipe Fluffy Vanilla Frosting, below
1. Divide fondant in half and knead yellow coloring into one half, using a light dusting of cornstarch to prevent sticking. Working with one color at a time, roll both white and yellow fondants into thin sheets, about 1/8 inch thick. Cut out small flowers. (Daisy cookie cutter from winbeckler.com.)
2. Knead scraps together to soften and make small balls; moisten with water and press a ball into the center of each flower. Dry flowers overnight on a wire rack to give them shape. Note: While working with one piece of fondant, you should always keep the other piece covered to prevent it from drying out.
3. Trim domed tops from cakes and place one cake on a serving platter. Color 2 cups frosting dark green and the remaining frosting light green. Cover cake layer on platter with light green frosting about inch thick, then top with second cake. Ice entire cake with light green frosting. Use extra frosting in a piping bag with a #5 plain tip to create a border on the bottom edge.
4. Use dark green icing in a piping bag with a #10 or #12 plain tip to pipe grass points on the top of the entire cake. Top with fondant flowers. Makes 10 servings.
fluffy vanilla frosting
Beat 2 cups unsalted butter, softened, until creamy, about 2 min. Add 6 cups sifted confectioners' sugar, 1/2 cup at a time, mixing well and scraping down sides of bowl. Beat in 1 tsp vanilla and a pinch of salt; stir until smooth. Makes 5 cups.
Per serving: Calories 945, Total Fat 50 g, Saturated Fat 26 g, Monounsaturated Fat 13 g, Polyunsaturated Fat 7 g, Cholesterol 164 mg, Sodium 371 mg, Carbohydrate 124 g, Total Sugar 105 g, Fiber 0 g, Protein 4 g. Daily Values: Vitamin A 0%, Vitamin C 0%, Calcium 11%, Iron 7%. Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet