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Konformist: FeedBack & Humor 07-14-99

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  • Robalini@aol.com
    Please send as far and wide as possible. Thanks, Robert Sterling Editor, The Konformist http://www.konformist.com If you are interested in a free subscription
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 14, 1999
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      Please send as far and wide as possible.

      Thanks,

      Robert Sterling
      Editor, The Konformist
      http://www.konformist.com


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      FeedBack & Humor
      07-14-99


      I told you so... WAKE the F@#$ up!
      Date: Tuesday, July 13, 1999 05:10:02 PM
      From: hott@...

      HEY... I hate to tell you that I told you so... (actually I'm starting to
      like it)

      but... at the time the Unabomber was arrested,

      I TOLD YOU SO!

      "The Unabomber was a mind-control victim."

      - said I, William Cooper, on the Hour Of The Time, and in MAJESTYTWELVE. And
      it's not over... these incidents will continue until the conspirators have
      completely disarmed and enslaved the American Sheople.

      When the Unabomber was arrested I informed you that Kaczynski was the victim
      of a mind-control operation. And of course, as usual, nobody believed that
      such a thing could be possible... not in America. Unfortunately the America
      that the Sheople envision ceased to exist a long time ago. Alexander Cockburn
      confirmed my research when he revealed Tuesday, July 6, in a Los Angeles
      Times copyrighted column, that Theodore (Ted) Kaczynski, the Unabomber, was a
      volunteer in Harvard conducted mind-control experiments sponsored by the CIA
      in the 1950's and 60's . The story was gleaned from the just published book
      The United States of America Vs. Theodore John Kaczynski by Michael Mello. In
      the book Mello notes that during his Harvard years Kaczynski volunteered to
      be part of a psychological experiment supervised by Dr. Henry Murray, now
      deceased. The program was under complete control of the Director of CIA
      Technical Services, Sidney Gottlieb. You may remember Gottlieb as the one who
      personally fed a dram of LSD to unsuspecting Army officer Frank Olson,
      plunging him into madness, which ultimately caused Olson to leap to his death
      from an upper story window of the Statler-Hilton Hotel in New York City.
      Legal action brought by Olson's family was recently in the news. You may
      purchase this story from the L.A. Times WebSite for $1.50. It appeared in the
      Tuesday, July 6, 1999 Home Edition of the Los Angeles Times, Metro Section,
      Page: B-5 under the title, We're Reaping Tragic Legacy From Drugs by
      Alexander Cockburn. See also:

      MAJESTYTWELVE
      **********
      Why would the Church of the Subgenius kill Kirby?

      The holy scriptures doth say (or at least a good rant that I heard Ivan
      Stang once give said) that 'Should you meet Bob on the road.. Kill Him! If
      it is the true Bob then he's just pop up again like a cartoon. If not
      you'll have killed a false Bob.' Killing members of the church is a long
      standing tradition, ranging from the ceremonial killing of Bob to the sacred
      scourging of the temple prostitutes to death with whips of dried prairie
      squid tentacles. It's just how we say.. 'I love you.' :-)

      -Rev. Dr. Pope Impious XXIII, ULC, RSVP, EIEIO
      **********
      FeedBack: Sherman Skolnick Sounds Off!
      Date: Tuesday, July 13, 1999 07:08:15 PM
      From: markland@...

      Cool stuff on the Czar, but Skolnick obfuscates on the beneficiaries and
      financing of the Bolsheviks, by playing the Rockefeller card.

      Max Warburg, head of German Intelligence, is responsible for Lenins train
      ride into Russia.
      Paul Warburg,(brother of Max) Chairman and Father of the Fed was forced to
      resign because of his role in financing the Bolsheviks, he was assisted in
      the financing by Otto Kuhn, Loeb, Schiff and a few others who were hardly
      members of the Rockefeller family or cartel, but were "related" to and
      aligned with the Rothschilds, whom control(led) the Bank of England, in
      whose vault the Czars fortune was held.

      Lee


      Sherman Skolnick appearantly hasn't bothered to research anything as per
      usual.

      IF he had bothered to check things out like a REAL Researcher would, and Not
      a Sensationalist that seemingly appears to only need to keep his ego inflated
      by being in the spotlight.

      He Would of discovered that this purported "monolopy" has been broken up with
      the onset of at least 2 to 3 other comapnies providing internet domain names,
      addresses, a while back.

      If you go to http://rs.internic.net you will find links to the other
      companies that are providing names as well as name blocks.

      But why should anyone listen to me. I am just a lowly Net Surfer, and not
      someone that has an axe to grind, or hidden agenda's.

      Veng.
      **********
      FeedBack: The Shroud of Turin
      Date: Monday, July 12, 1999 02:51:29 PM
      From: markland@...

      Wow, reading to the end, the "son of god" had DNA, that must means it is
      the DNA of God, and god is a Jewish male.

      Since a virgin birth (parthogenesis) can only produce a female (and one
      with only one X chromosone at that), then said creature would have to be a
      clonen of the female.

      Hence Jesus could not have been a son of god, and since he was a Jewish
      male, he had a Jewish father (I am assuming the putative Cohanim Gene).

      If indeed there is Jewish DNA on the Shroud, and someone is not up to hanky
      panky, contaminating the evidence for political-religious means, then the
      only possibility is
      that the person covered by the shroud was a flesh and blood human being,
      not a half god, or demigod which is what this Iezeus was supposed to be.

      What strikes me strange about this whole Iezeus tale, is why would ole YHVH
      go through all of the trouble to give "his son" a human mother. According
      to the Old Fable, YHVH can do anything, so why not bring "his son" into
      existence "full blown" ex nihilo, out of nothing, with all the powers
      needed to "save mankind", and why let him down miserably on a cross like a
      convict? If indeed ole YHVH exists and is omnipotent and omniscient why
      all of this nonsense in the first place, why all the social discomfort, the
      lies, the murders, the deceit, the chicanery?

      That mature, supposedly sentient homo sapiens can still "believe" these
      tales and try to prove them is profound evidence that there is a dearth of
      intelligent life on Earth.

      It seems according to the Talmud that there were at least two Jesus, one
      who lived during the reign of Alexander Jannaeus (Good King Jonathon or
      Yohaton) circa 104-78 b.c.e, and another a Yeshu bar Pantera (Panther)Jeshu
      ben Pantera practiced magic and committed heresyname of Myriam. You can
      read about Yeshu ben Pantera in the Sepher Toldoth Yeshu or The Jewish Life
      of Christ, an inexpensive booklet that one could get, a few years back from
      PO Box 2117, Austin, Texas

      Several passages in the Talmud and the Tol'oth Jeshu pose tht Jesus was
      born to an adulteress.

      For a Jewish view of Jesus and a refutation of his historicity
      http://mama.indstate.edu/users/nizrael/jesusrefutation.html

      partly extracted as follows:

      If Jesus was not an historical person, where did the whole New Testament
      story come from in the first place? The Hebrew name for Christians has
      always been Notzrim. This name is derived from the Hebrew word neitzer,
      which means a shoot or sprout--an obvious Messianic symbol. There were
      already people called Notzrim at the time of Rabbi Yehoshua ben Perachyah
      (c. 100 B.C.E.). Although modern Christians claim that Christianity only
      started in the first century C.E., it is clear that the first century
      Christians in Israel considered themselves to be a continuation of the
      Notzri movement which had been in existence for about 150 years. One of the
      most notorious Notzrim was Yeishu ben Pandeira, also known as Yeishu
      ha-Notzri. Talmudic scholars have always maintained that the story of Jesus
      began with Yeishu. The Hebrew name for Jesus has always been Yeishu and the
      Hebrew for "Jesus the Nazarene" has always been "Yeishu ha-Notzri." (The
      name Yeishu is a shortened form of the name Yeishua, not Yehoshua.) It is
      important to note that Yeishu ha-Notzri is not an historical Jesus since
      modern Christianity denies any connection between Jesus and Yeishu and
      moreover, parts of the Jesus myth are based on other historical people
      besides Yeishu.

      We know very little about Yeishu ha-Notzri. All modern works that mention
      him are based on information taken from the Tosefta and the Baraitas -
      writings made at the same time as the Mishna but not contained in it.
      Because the historical information concerning Yeishu is so damaging to
      Christianity, most Christian authors (and even some Jewish ones) have tried
      to discredit this information and have invented many ingenious arguments to
      explain it away. Many of their arguments are based on misunderstandings and
      misquotations of the Baraitas and in order to get an accurate picture of
      Yeishu one should ignore Christian authors and examine the Baraitas
      directly.
      **********
      A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him
      on the back of the head with a frying pan. He says, "What was that for?" She
      says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it
      "He says, "Jesus, honey...remember last week when I went to the track?
      'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and
      walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind
      him and smacks him on the back of the head with the frying pan again He
      says, "What was that for?" She says, "Your horse called."
      **********
      An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
      has been living with for the last 40 years.

      The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
      that were used to put the curse on you."

      The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
      **********
      A blond joke.

      A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a
      "lovers point" where they started making out. After things started getting
      pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her "Do you want to
      get into the back seat?"

      "NO!" she answered.

      Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet.

      Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are
      getting really hot, so he asks again,

      "Do you want to get into the back seat?" "NO!" she answers again.

      Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his pants
      unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now.

      "Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.

      "NO!" she answers yet again.

      Frustrated, he demands "Well, why not!"

      "Because I want to stay up here with you!"
      **********
      A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They proceeded to
      each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy
      beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the
      thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The
      Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it
      as if nothing had happened. The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his
      drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT
      IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"
      **********
      YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF......

      The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

      You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of
      her kids.

      You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

      You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

      Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

      You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

      You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

      Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this"

      Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

      You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
      **********
      Medical Humor
      Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

      The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open
      them up and everything inside is numbered."

      The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open
      them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

      The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and
      everything inside is color-coded."

      The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless
      spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable."
      **********
      School Daze

      It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was
      receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She
      shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers."

      "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"

      "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

      The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her
      gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of
      sweets."

      "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.

      "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

      The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held
      the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage
      with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

      "No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

      The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her
      tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

      "No," the boy replied, with more excitement.

      The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
      With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
      **********
      One day a fag was jogging through the park. There was a wino
      passed out on the park bench, so the jogger decided, "Ah,
      what the hell", went over, dropped the wino's pants, gave
      it to him up the ass, then took $10.00 and put it in the
      wino's pocket.

      When the wino awoke he reached in his pocket found the
      $10.00 and went straight to the liquor store, and asked the
      clerk for his most expensive bottle of wine.

      Next day the fag was jogging through park and again the
      same old wino is all passed out on the park bench. So the
      fag drops the wino's pants, does him up the ass again, then
      puts another $10.00 in the wino's pocket.

      The wino wakes up, finds another $10.00 and heads straight
      to the liquor store, and tells the clerk, "I want your
      best bottle of wine."

      Come the 3rd day, the faggot is jogging through the park
      sees the same old wino passed out. So he drops the wino's
      pants and gives it to him up the ass yet again, but when he
      goes to get $10.00 out of his pocket, he finds out he only
      has a $20.00. So he gives the wino the $20.00.

      The wino wakes up, finds the $20.00, goes right to the
      liquor store, and tells the clerk that he wants the cheapest
      bottle of wine.

      The clerk says, "Wait a minute. Two days in a row you come
      in here with $10.00, and want my most expensive bottle of
      wine. Today, you have $20.00 and want the cheapest. What
      gives?"

      The wino replies, "Yeah, well, that expensive stuff is
      making my ass burn."
      **********
      WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS

      "This should be taken care of right away."
      I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable
      that I want to fix it before it curse itself.

      "Welllllll, what have we here..."
      Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you
      will give him a clue.

      "We'll see."
      First I have to check my malpractice insurance.

      "Let me check your medical history."
      I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time
      with you.

      "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
      I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

      "I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."
      I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.

      "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."
      Since he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear
      thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt.
      (Proctologist also say this a lot.)

      "We have some good news and some bad news."
      The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're
      going to pay for it.

      "Let's see how it develops."
      Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

      "Let me schedule you for some tests."
      I have a 40% interest in the lab.

      "I'd like to have my associate look at you."
      He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune.

      "How are we today?"
      I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell.

      "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
      I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea.

      "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
      I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

      "That's quite a nasty looking wound."
      I think I'm going to throw up.

      "This may smart a little."
      Last week two patients bit through their tongues.

      "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?"
      I can't remember your name, nor why you are here.

      "This should fix you up."
      The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

      "Everything seems to be normal."
      I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

      "I'd like to run some more tests."
      I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

      "Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
      He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split
      fees.

      "Why don't you slip out of your things."
      I don't enjoy this any more than you do, but I've got to warm my fingers up
      somehow.

      "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
      I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.

      "There is a lot of that going around."
      My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
      **********
      It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister
      Madalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the
      old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene Edwards was also instructed not
      to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he
      told her to do, and pray.

      The next morning the old nun asked Sister Edwards how the Saturday night
      bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been
      saved."

      "Saved? And how did this fine thing come about?" asked the old nun.

      "Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him,
      and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs
      where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."

      "Did he now," said the old nun evenly.

      Sister Edwards continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to
      Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I
      would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John
      guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."

      "Is that a fact," said the old nun even more evenly.

      "At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to
      salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell
      my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."

      "That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "he told me it was Gabriel's
      Horn, and I have been blowing it for 40 years!!
      **********
      * Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and
      drive?

      * Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

      * Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

      * Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

      * Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

      * Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

      * Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

      * How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

      * If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the
      doors?

      * If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

      * If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

      * If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
      height, what would happen?

      * If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn
      on the headlights?

      * You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the
      package says, "Open somewhere else"

      * Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

      * Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

      * Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
      but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

      * You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why
      can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

      * Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn
      down the volume on the radio?

      ------------------------------------------------------------------------

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