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Editor, The Konformist
50 Reasons Not to Vote for Bush
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At first I wanted another civil war. The idea of removing red(neck)-
state asswipes from the gene pool seemed like a great idea.
But where we Northerners went wrong in the Civil War is that we kept
the redneck asswipes in the Union; they have continued to drag us
down ever since.
It was important that we Northerners stop slavery. But that we kept
the the mental defectives who populate the red(neck) states in the
Union was a shitty idea, a big mistake.
So I say: Let's blue-staters secede.
Let the redneck asswipes in the red(neck) states live the way they
want. Let them have their own little fucking backasswards country.
We'll see how long they'll last, as it's the tax dollars from the
hardworking, intelligent people of the blue states that have been
keeping the red(neck) states afloat.
Yup, we True Blue have been keeping the red(neck) states afloat, yet
they think that they're going to dictate to us, that they're going to
cram their dumbfuck dictator from the red(neck) state of Texas down
our throats through election fraud -- twice -- and that they're going
to shove their "moral values" -- which include bigotry and
discrimination; hypocrisy and self-righteousness; theocracy; fixing
presidential elections; unprovoked, illegal, immoral and
imperialistic military attacks upon much weaker nations; and allowing
the plutocrats to loot the public treasury, unchecked -- down our
Fuck that shit. Time to vote the red(neck)-state motherfuckers off
the island. Let them have the hellish nation they envision -- for
We blue-staters can have the nation that we envision, led by Abraham
Lincolnesque president we want, John Kerry. Let the red(neck)-state
motherfuckers have George W. Bush, the dumbest, most corrupt
president in the history of the United States of America. They can
make Crawford, Texas their capital.
I'm not the only blue-stater who's thinking like this. Here's a
little manifesto my e-friend Shane pointed me to (it's at
Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted
to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay
part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves --
yeah, those are states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're the fucking arrogant Northeast liberal
elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America?
The Authentic America. Really?
Because we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding
Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what
you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to
keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't
bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you
think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt-sporting revolutionaries were?
They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New
York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments
are up here in our backyard?
No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty
Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real
American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who
do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for
fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had
gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a
little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity
about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh, I've been a
state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking
arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I
don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means
to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I weren't
paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.
All those federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and
goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley
Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And
the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to
us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking
swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it's a shithole," we said, but you
had to have your fucking orange juice.
The next dickwad who says, "It's your money, not the government's
money" is gonna get his ass kicked. Nine of the 10 states that get
the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least...can you guess?
Go on, guess. That's right, motherfucker, they're red states. And
eight of the 10 states that receive the least and pay the most? It's
too easy, asshole: They're blue states. It's not your money,
assholes, it's fucking our money. What was that Real American Value
you were spouting a minute ago? Self-reliance? Try this for self-
reliance: Buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.
Let's talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your
Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the
values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week.
Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-
hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It's fucking Massachusetts, the
fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that's right, the
state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom
Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think
that's just some aberration? How about this: Nine of the 10 lowest
divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the
Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest
divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? Ten of the top 10 are fucking
red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst,
the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.
But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you?
Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you
little bastards. Oh, but that's OK because you go to church, right? I
mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every
goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get
up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of
moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking
Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're
not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous
assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten
Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast liberal
elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't
us up here in the North, assholes.
Well, this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing,
federal-tax-leeching, Confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou,
hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.
And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time.
Fuck the South. Fuck the red states. Let's secede.
Cream To Bring Back The Sunshine
Wednesday November 10, 2004
The lure of a full-scale reunion must be hard for classic rock bands
to resist - countless bands who split up on the very worst of terms
or suffered through the death of a key member have managed to find
ways to launch lucrative reunion tours. So far, '60s rockers Cream
have managed to pretty much steer clear of the reunion game (although
they did play in 1993 when they were inducted into the Rock And Roll
Hall Of Fame), but it looks like they'll be back on stage together in
For those too young to remember, Cream are the trio that featured
celebrity guitarist Eric Clapton as well as drummer Ginger Baker and
bass player Jack Bruce. Today, the band are best known for the
opening guitar riff from their monster hit "Sunshine Of Your Love."
According to Billboard.com, Cream are set to play a week-long
engagement at London's Royal Albert Hall - the same place that they
played their final shows before calling it quits in 1968. It's not
known if the band will stay together after that engagement - but
depending on their appetite for quick cash, there's likely enough
demand to keep the reformed band together for longer than the two
years they were originally together in the '60s.
Cream only released three records in their career, but the band
provided more than an ample launching pad for Clapton, who's gone on
to become one of the most recognizable guitar players in rock
history. Lately, Clapton has been indulging his Robert Johnson
obsession, having released his Me And Mr. Johnson disc (full of
Johnson covers) earlier this year. He'll follow that with a CD/DVD
called Sessions For Robert J. on December 7.
Clapton Plans Cream's Rise To The Top Again
By Hugh Davies
The Telegraph - UK
Eric Clapton has astounded the music world by finally agreeing to
reform Cream, rock's first supergroup, 36 years after they split up
at the height of their worldwide fame.
Back then Clapton was declared a "guitar God", Ginger Baker was the
epitome of the wild-eyed rock drummer and Jack Bruce was the pioneer
of a raw, biting tone for the electric bass.
Over two years they sold more than 35 million records, producing a
new form of "heavy" music that fused hard rock, blues and jazz. But
they were unable to survive their ego-powered celebrity.
There was such venom at the end that, years later, Clapton said the
thought of a reunion "scares the living daylights out of me".
John Mayall, the veteran leader of the Bluesbreakers, the British
band from which Clapton defected to create Cream in 1966, said
yesterday: "I'm amazed. But Eric is always doing something
unexpected. He moves in so many directions, always out front with his
Sources close to the musicians said that reunion plans were under
way, with Clapton, 59, Bruce, 61, and Baker, 65, talking of "probably
two gigs, or maybe more" at the Royal Albert Hall in May, although
that venue, where Clapton staged his traditional blues stint this
spring, has yet to be booked.
The hall was where Cream last performed in Britain in November 1968
after shows in America that were earning the trio $60,000 a night.
Cream have played together only once since, with searing versions of
White Room, Crossroads and Sunshine of Your Love, at the Rock 'n'
Roll Hall of Fame in Los Angeles in 1993.
Clapton later told the rock writer Chris Welch, who was working on a
biography of Cream: "There was a constant battle between Ginger and
Jack. They loved each other's playing, but couldn't stand the sight
of each other.
"I was the mediator and I was getting tired of that. Then when
Rolling Stone called me the 'master of the blues clichÈ' that just
about knocked me cold. That's when I decided to leave Cream."
Welch said yesterday: "I am amazed they are getting back together.
They were musicians of such intensity, with Eric usually the calm
"They were a juggernaut, streets ahead of everyone else. I remember,
as a Melody Maker journalist, Ginger ringing me up with the news that
they were forming Cream. Our front page had already gone to press, so
the news appeared on an inside page.
"I didn't discover until 30 years later that Ginger was hopping mad
that it had been reported inside.
"There was a big fuss as each had omitted to tell their current bands
they were leaving. Manfred Mann was angry at Jack for suddenly
quitting - and John Mayall was not exactly thrilled by Eric's
"I was at their first rehearsal, in a school hall in north-west
London in July 1966, in front of a troop of brownies and a caretaker.
"Ginger had a small drum kit. Eric had a tiny amplifier. They
performed three numbers: a very slow blues, a foot-stomping jug band
number and a Robert Johnson song. Then we went to a transport cafe to
do an interview.
"Once they started performing, they became very significant, very
quickly. A problem was that they were on the road, night after night,
month after month. It was a raw and exciting sound. But sustaining
that kind of rock power every night was draining.
"I was genuinely shocked that they broke up. They could have done a
Rehearsals for the reunion, with new material, are expected to begin
early in the new year.
Mayall, visiting London from his home in Los Angeles, said: "I can't
imagine Cream's reappearance will be a marathon again, as Eric is now
very much a family man.
"It's probably Eric on one of his nostalgia trips, as Jack and Ginger
are not exactly headline names of this generation. It's likely to be
for a charity, or the music, not the money."
Mayall hired both Clapton, and, at an earlier stage, Bruce for the
Bluesbreakers. "Eric was an integral part of the band, and the first
I heard that he was leaving was reading about it in Melody Maker," he
said. "The trio had been quietly playing together, away from the
limelight, in the rock underworld.
"Eric was a huge drawing power for my band, but I was not altogether
surprised when he left. He was always a very restless soul.
"A reunion of Cream would be a classic show. The band was so
influential. They helped pave the way for me in America. The Beatles
were first. The Rolling Stones were next. Then there was Cream. I had
my first US tour in 1968, and moved there a year later."
Cream members are staying silent at the moment about their plans. A
spokesman for Clapton said that he had no comment. Bruce was on
holiday, and there was no reply from Baker's farm in South Africa,
where he raises polo ponies.
Baker has revealed that there was a point "when I totally went broke"
in the 1970s. "I went to Eric and proposed a reunion. He said he
didn't want to do it just because I was broke. This really hurt me at
the time, but it was also absolutely true. That is not a reason to do
Toy robot takes geek world by storm
Thu Nov 11, 2004
HONG KONG (AFP) - Tokyo's skyline has been regularly menaced by the
skyscraper-munching Godzilla, but now it has another foe --
Robosapien, one of the hottest toys in the run-up to Christmas.
A homemade movie casting the robot in the role usually reserved for a
man in a rubber monster suit is one of thousands of Internet videos,
pictures and hacking guides that have sprung up around the toy.
As Robosapien's maker, Hong Kong-based toy company WowWee, prepares
to roll the millionth unit off the production line at its Chinese
factory Thursday, inventor Mark Tilden says he is astounded at the
geek cottage industry that has sprung up around the robot.
"These guys are nuts," Tilden, a huge bear of a man, roars in
laughter at the mention of the "Robosapien Destroys Tokyo" video
posted on one of many fan websites.
"You'd be amazed what people are doing with these things. It's
hilarious. But it's fantastic. It shows it has wide appeal."
Robosapien has exploded onto the world toy market since its launch in
Boasting the scientific knowledge of former NASA robotics engineer
Tilden -- who part-built a probe sent to gather climate data from
Mars -- it claims to be the first mass-produced robot.
Already it has won some 20 awards -- including two from famed London
toy store Hamley's -- and has sold some 600,000 units.
Radio-controlled and powered by seven tiny motors that enable the toy
to emulate the movements of humans, users can programme it to do an
almost infinite number of manoeuvres, from picking up and throwing
objects to break dancing.
Toy experts and consumers alike have been drawn not only to the high-
tech gadgetry that has gone into it, but also Robosapien's more
unusual human features: as well as dancing and walking, moving not
unlike a toddler, it also belches and breaks wind.
"It's me inside this thing," says Tilden, a British-born naturalised
Canadian who won his spurs working for the US military at the Los
Alamos National Laboratories. "I have recreated my personality inside
this little guy."
Tilden designed the toy as a vehicle for a new breakthrough in
robotics he'd discovered.
NASA refused to help him develop the science as did many other
scientific institutes. A toy buff, he decided to take it to the toy
"The science community was not willing to run with it, but the toy
industry said 'hell yeah'," Tilden boasts.
He's keeping the actual science secret -- "there is more industrial
espionage in the toy industry than the military intelligence
industry" -- but believes it could revolutionise robotics.
"It is light, small and requires very little power, that's the holy
grail of robotics."
Like all the best toys, Robosapien appeals to adults as well as
The robot has also attracted the attention of amateur robotics
enthusiasts who have pulled it apart to create new, and often
disturbing, "hacks" of the toy.
One website has transplanted a Swiss army knife onto Robosapiens
head, while another has replaced its arms with other utilities, such
as a cork-screw. Many fans have also converted their robots into
mobile radio controlled video cameras.
On the lunatic fringe, one man in New York has filmed himself being
pulled on a sleigh by 20 of the robots, which he whips as he is
hauled along a pavement, and another bought a dozen which he has
programmed to salute his Darth Vader doll.
Among the more humorous, one fan has provided details on how the
ordinarily peace-loving robots can be transplanted with plastic heads
of President George W. Bush and former opponent John Kerry and
programmed to fight a bout of fisticuffs.
And a web-based music video stars a Robosapien decked out in full
zebra-skin and velvet street pimp regalia topped with a broad-brimmed
fedora, posing with a clutch of scantily clad bathing beauties around
a swimming pool.
Tilden is delighted with the wacky response to his invention and
hopes fans will take their obsession further.
"I want people to take the thing apart and come up with some other
variants on the toy -- I want them to hack into it as people do to
computer games and programmes," he says.
To aid hackers, Tilden has even labelled every component inside the
toy. The reason, he claims, is to help advance robotics.
"Kids these days want to a toy that gives instant gratification --
they want something that they can just pick up and play; just look at
toy stores for proof -- how many Meccano or Lego kits do you see
these days?" he asks.
"What that has done is reduced the talent pool that can be drawn on
for the next generation of robotic engineers. By allowing people to
hack in, we feel like we are doing our bit for the future of
Nov. 12, 2004
Ashcroft says judges threaten national security by questioning Bush
The Associated Press
WASHINGTON - Federal judges are jeopardizing national security by
issuing rulings contradictory to President Bush's decisions on
America's obligations under international treaties and agreements,
Attorney General John Ashcroft said Friday.
In his first remarks since his resignation was announced Tuesday,
Ashcroft forcefully denounced what he called "a profoundly disturbing
trend" among some judges to interfere in the president's
constitutional authority to make decisions during war.
"The danger I see here is that intrusive judicial oversight and
second-guessing of presidential determinations in these critical
areas can put at risk the very security of our nation in a time of
war," Ashcroft said in a speech to the Federalist Society, a
conservative lawyers' group.
The Justice Department announced this week it would seek to overturn
a ruling by U.S. District Judge James Robertson in the case of Salim
Ahmed Hamdan, who the government contends was Osama bin Laden's
Robertson halted Hamdan's trial by military commission in Guantanamo
Bay, Cuba, rejecting the Bush administration's position that the
Geneva Conventions governing prisoners of war do not apply to al-
Qaida members because they are not soldiers of a true state and do
not fight by international norms.
Without mentioning that case specifically, Ashcroft criticized
rulings he said found "expansive private rights in treaties where
they never existed" that run counter to the broad discretionary
powers given the president by the Constitution.
"Courts are not equipped to execute the law. They are not accountable
to the people," Ashcroft said.
During his successful re-election campaign, Bush repeatedly promised
to appoint judges who would adhere to strict interpretations of the
Constitution. In addition to numerous lower courts, Bush is likely to
appoint at least one and perhaps several justices to the Supreme
Court during the next four years.
The administration lost a crucial legal battle this year when a
divided Supreme Court determined the president lacks the authority to
hold terror suspects classified as enemy combatants indefinitely with
no access to lawyers or the ability to challenge their detention.
Ashcroft intends to remain as attorney general until his nominated
successor, Alberto Gonzales, is confirmed by the Senate.