Cheney: "I'm No Donkey Dick"
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Editor, The Konformist
Cheney: "I'm No Donkey Dick"
Thursday, September 14, 2000
MARIETTA, Ohio - GOP Vice-Presidential nominee Dick Cheney, in a surprise
move, became the first public figure to respond to underground allegations
made of involvement in sexual misconduct with mind-controlled CIA slaves.
The allegations were made by Cathy O'Brien in her autobiography Trance
Formation of America, an extremely popular work within certain quarters of
the conspiracy buff culture. In the book, O'Brien discussed her supposed
abuse by a who's who list of powerful political officials and entertainment
figures which she ties to Satanism and the Central Intelligence Agency.
One of her more vivid tales involves Mr. Cheney himself, while he was Chief
of Staff for President Gerald Ford. Cathy described Cheney's participation
in human hunts inspired by the classic Richard Connell short story, "The Most
Dangerous Game." According to O'Brien, Cheney would hunt CIA sex slaves,
which included herself, on private property. When he would catch his prey,
he would sexually violate the victims as celebration.
O'Brien also claimed that Cheney had an "unusually large penis."
Asked about the tales after a student address in Willoughby, Ohio, Cheney was
surprisingly straightforward. "Yes, I am fully aware of the allegations," he
Then, in a surprise move, Cheney directly addressed the charges. "Normally,
I do not discuss fringe accusations made by conspiracy nuts and others who
endorse strange beliefs, but the spurious claims made by Cathy O'Brien are so
appalling, I must directly confront them. I can state for a fact that her
personal claims against me are completely unfounded. I can prove it too."
When asked how he could prove it, Cheney replied, "Her claims of my
impressive dick size are absolute bullshit."
He then added to the stunned press assembled, "The truth is, I have only an
average-sized penis, and that's even on the rare occasion I can get it up. I
wouldn't even be surprised if that fucking Jew Lieberman has a bigger schlong
Cheney would insist that his average-sized penis was quite helpful to his
political career. "My lack of a large penis has been quite beneficial to me
personally. If I had a larger, more girthful cock, I wouldn't have been as
effective of a leader for the Pentagon during the Gulf War. Come to think of
it, I probably wouldn't have even gotten into politics in the first place if
I had a huge dick. My penis envy has inspired me to do many important acts
as compensation, including the bombings ordered on those camel jockeys in
Cheney grinned, then added, "Serves them right. I hear those sand-niggers
are hung like horses."
When asked about O'Brien's allegation that former President George Bush - the
father of the current GOP nominee who appointed Cheney as Secretary of
Defense - once tried to talk Cheney into experimenting with pedophilia, he
replied, "Ummm... no comment." Cheney abruptly left the assembled press and
answered no further questions.
Lynne Cheney, the wife of the VP nominee, was in Washington criticizing the
Hollywood entertainment industry before Congress. When informed of her
husband's statements, Mrs. Cheney chuckled, then said, "If anything, he's
exaggerating his dick size." Mrs. Cheney described her husband's penis as
being "pathetically small." She added, "It's a putdown I like to use when we
The Gore campaign has yet to respond to Cheney's statements.
Read more about the lurid CIA sex tales in "Uncle Ronnie's Sex Slaves," by
Robert Sterling, editor of the online magazine The Konformist. The article
appears in the mammoth new Feral House collection Apocalypse Culture II,
edited by Adam Parfrey.
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