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Re: first things haiku from Bamboochas

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  • Greve Gabi
    Thank you all very much for sharing your first things, what a great collection of glimpses to your life! It is too hard to pick a best one ... Greetings from
    Message 1 of 5 , Jan 6 4:50 PM
      Thank you all very much for sharing your first things, what a great
      collection of glimpses to your life!

      It is too hard to pick a best one ...

      Greetings from Japan
      Gabi


      >
      >
      > First things haiku 2011
      >
      >
      >
      > head of a hen thrown
      > in the middle of the path—
      > first walk
      >
      >
      > a shattering midnight
      > of fireworks and cheers—
      > first prayer
      >
      > ~Patrick Wafula Wanyama
      >
      >
      >
      > first school day—
      > my deskmate wearing
      > soup-stained shirt
      >
      > ~Ochieng Collins
      >
      >
      >
      > opening day—
      > red-eyed boys with
      > shaggy hair
      >
      > ~Abraham Muuo
      >
      >
      >
      > opening day—
      > he wears worn-out
      > trousers
      >
      > ~Enoch Johana
      >
      >
      >
      > first day—
      > she sets her boyfriend’s
      > gift on fire
      >
      > ~Victor Obutho
      >
      >
      >
      > first school—
      > he is chased because of
      > a crooked hair style
      >
      > ~Naomi
      >
      >
      >
      > first clubs’ day—
      > storytelling goes on until
      > the bell rings
      >
      > ~George Kidiga
      >
      >
      >
      > first school day—
      > stepping on the algae on
      > the toilet doorpost
      >
      > first raindrops—
      > hurriedly fits a banana
      > frond cutter
      >
      > ~James Bundi
      >
      >
      >
      > first school day—
      > the thick dust on our
      > desktops
      >
      > ~Kevin Wanjala
      >
      >
      >
      > first school day—
      > my well-ironed school uniform
      > creases slowly
      >
      > ~Stephen Macharia
      >
      >
      >
      > First school day—
      > Busy wiping dust off
      > The windowpanes
      >
      > opening day—
      > I search for my misplaced
      > shoe
      >
      > ~Peter Nguribu
      >
      >
      >
      > first school day—
      > rubbing snail trail off
      > my dusty desktop
      >
      > ~Isaac Ndirangu.
      >
      >
      >
      >  Sent in by Patrick Wafula (Patron).
    • Isabelle Prondzynski
      Dear Patrick sensei, dear Bamboochas and all, Thank you for that great collection of First Things of 2011. It is good to see that you have been observing and
      Message 2 of 5 , Jan 8 10:00 AM
        Dear Patrick sensei, dear Bamboochas and all,

        Thank you for that great collection of First Things of 2011. It is
        good to see that you have been observing and writing!

        I notice that opening day seems to have been a difficult affair, with
        problems of dress, hairstyle, and dust and neglect! I have made a few
        remarks below.

        I wonder whether you wrote any other haiku about the first things of 2011?

        Have an excellent school year, and looking forward to welcoming the
        new haijin in Form One,

        Isabelle.


        head of a hen thrown
        in the middle of the path—
        first walk

        a shattering midnight
        of fireworks and cheers—
        first prayer

        That is a very nice juxtaposition.

        ~Patrick Wafula Wanyama


        first school day—
        my deskmate wearing
        soup-stained shirt

        ~Ochieng Collins

        opening day—
        red-eyed boys with
        shaggy hair

        ~Abraham Muuo

        opening day—
        he wears worn-out
        trousers

        ~Enoch Johana

        first day—
        she sets her boyfriend’s
        gift on fire

        This one intrigued me. First day -- 1 January? Or first date (meeting
        with boyfriend) of the year? There must be a serious story here -- I
        am gtting curious!

        ~Victor Obutho

        first school—
        he is chased because of
        a crooked hair style

        It looks to me as though there is a word missing in line 1 : should it
        be "first school day"?

        ~Naomi

        first clubs’ day—
        storytelling goes on until
        the bell rings

        That is one of my favourites in the collection. I can really imagine
        the storytelling and the excited and friendly atmosphere!

        ~George Kidiga

        first school day—
        stepping on the algae on
        the toilet doorpost

        Very well observed. My only question : should it perhaps be "by the
        toilet doorpost" rather than "on"?

        first raindrops—
        hurriedly fits a banana
        frond cutter

        ~James Bundi

        first school day—
        the thick dust on our
        desktops

        Very nice one. Another favourite of mine here.

        ~Kevin Wanjala

        first school day—
        my well-ironed school uniform
        creases slowly

        Another very good observation. I particularly like the word "slowly"
        in the third line. The second line is perhaps a tad too long. Would
        the haiky still work for you if you replaced "well-ironed" by "neat"?

        ~Stephen Macharia

        First school day—
        Busy wiping dust off
        The windowpanes

        Another good observation.

        opening day—
        I search for my misplaced
        shoe

        It is not clear in this haiku where you are searching and where the
        shoe might be. At home, before you left for school? In school, where
        you forgot it when the holidays started and could not search for it
        while the school was closed? In school, where you misplaced it on the
        opening day?

        ~Peter Nguribu

        first school day—
        rubbing snail trail off
        my dusty desktop

        ~Isaac Ndirangu.
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