[karmayog] The Fulfillment of your Six Basic Needs: Need 1
- From: Pearl - Karmayog <info@...>
Source: How to live 365 days a year.
Author: John.A Schindler
THE FULFILMENT OF YOUR SIX BASIC NEEDS
There are some people with E. I. I, who are unaware of
any emotions that might be responsible for their illness. These
people frequently have fundamental emotions of a wrong
variety because their basic psychological needs are not being
The ordinary human being, like you and me, has six basic
instinctive needs - six psychological WANTS- things that he
feels deeply inside himself he must have. If one of these needs
is not fulfilled, a deep-seated restlessness is produced, a vague
unrequited longing, and an undercurrent of disappointment
that colors every minute of the day and night.
Such an individual may be adapting himself very well,
otherwise, to his environment, managing to put up a cheerful
pleasant front; but deep down inside, there is a great gnawing
longing because one or more of his psychological needs is
only an empty yawning sore of misery.
1. First of These Basic Needs ls the Need for Love
Everyone (even the person who seems to hate everybody
else) has an inner desire and need for love - he wants to
receive the affection and high regard of at least one other
in being. Receiving such affection makes us feel important
and valuable; it makes us feel that we have a place
order of people and things
The proper fulfilment of this need adds a glow of warmth
richness and beauty to what is otherwise very dull living.If
there is no love from anyone no high regard from a single
soul a deep vacuum is made in a person into which are
sucked the emotions of distress, longing lonesomeness, and
eventually, social hostility. And these unhealthy emotions
are present constantly day and night tainting the fundamental
background of living.
This lack may begin in childhood. There are many unfortunate people who feel the sting of the lack of affection
early childhood on, because they have the had luck to
have been born into a family where real affection simply does
not exist. Mother and father wage a continual cold war against
each other, with periods when the war gets pretty hot and the
air is filled with angry words, with, perhaps a dish or two for
punctuation. What they can t take out on each other, the
parents take out on the children.
The children learning by imitation, imagine that constant
bickering, quarrelling, spite and hatred are the stuff that all
life is made of; so sisters and brothers return blow for blow.
Everyone feels alone, hunted, exploited, uncomfortable, and
on the defensive. These boys and girls may get quite old or
may go all the way through life without ever getting the idea
that there is such a thing as affection or that there are human
capable of it But the psychological need for it is
present, and these people have a restlessness and a yearning,
for something they haven't got. Basically, they are very unhappy.
The odd and tragic thing is that they don t consciously realize it
and of course they don t know that it is lack of affection
that underlies their restlessness.
This sort of thing isn't at all uncommon. It often shows its
effects (which are functional disease and gross unhappiness)
in some of the best families.
Verna was a beautiful girl whose mother died when she
was a baby. Her father, who showed very little affection for
her at any time, put the girl in an orphanage where she found
more abuse and psychological torment than affection. At the
age of fifteen, she met Eugene, an only child and a wealthy
boy, with a very protective and selfish mother.
Eugene was captivated more by Verna’s sexual attractive-
ness than anything else, and for the first (and only) time in
his life, he did something his mother did not want him to do
- he eloped with Verna. Verna had received no affection in
the orphanage and she received less as the wife of Eugene.
Eugene was too selfish, too self centered and dependent on
his mother to be capable of affection for Verna. Eugene's
mother, who always lived just a few blocks away, resented
Verna`s position with her son and did her best to hold Eugene
and turn him against Verna in every way she could.
For years this went on. When children came, the mother
worked on them to turn them against Verna; in this she suc
ceeded to the point where a 16-year-old daughter repeatedly
told Vema, “I hate you!" The need for affection wasn’t the
only need that went empty in Verna, some of the others that
we are going to talk about, likewise, were empty gulfs of
despair. Vema experienced years of functional disease which
grew gradually to the point of complete disability. When the
cause of her illness was explained to a much-doubting hus-
band and mother-in-law, they went through the outward ap
pearance of affection. But wise Verna sensed this as a sham.
The only thing that could have altered the situation would
have been for Verna to start life all over. It was only with
great difficulty and self-discipline that Verna began to feel a
sense of value in the returned good-will of other people when
she went into Red Cross work on an all-out scale.
Even worse than Verna's situation is the situation of a girl
who has been brought up in an affectionate family atmosphere
and then finds herself married to a man who is capable of
about as much affection as a cold blob of cottage cheese.These
husbands (and there are a lot of them) forget their wives are
human beings with human wants and feelings
These chaps have little idea that there are such things as
human wants and feelings outside their own They have a
childhood arrest in certain essential compartments of their
personalities. If they are capable of any affection, they never
show their wives the capacity. After all, it would be easy for
the big lugs to show the little woman some affection in many
little ways every day. A hug, a kiss a pleasantry, a compliment
on her appearance. or an appreciation of a meal would put
a few blooms in the arid desert that such a woman unfortunately
lt finally serves the big fool right when he has to pay a long
hard medical bill for functional illness of which he is the
cause But this too he turns against the wife blaming her
for the sickness his immature stupidity produced .Men like
this are one of the big reasons for functional illness in married
Sexual love ls basically important The thing we call love,
the kind of thing we mean by affection, is a complex thing
composed of various parts and part of this basic need for
love is the basic need for sexual love In any marriage, conjugal
affection is intimately bound with sexual affection. A
marriage can seldom be unified, affectionate and mutually
satisfactory if the sexual experience between the partners ls
not unified, affectionate and mutually satisfactory.
If for one reason or another sexual love never develops
in a marriage or fades away and disappears one or both of
the married couple becomes restless, dissatisfied, grumbly, irr
itable and complaining The functional disease produced
by this kind of a situatlon is often hard to treat because the
patient would rather not tell about the trouble; consequently
it can never he remedied Sometimes this kind of trouble is hard to remedy anyway. But this type of trouble produces
some very odd results.
For instance Mrs T__ had a severe fibrositis of the lower
back, so severe that she went to many clinics and many hos-
pitals. The usual treatment did her very little good.
Mrs. T_ was a career woman. Both she and her husband
held important and responsible positions that took preced-
ence over their home life. After their day's work, they came
to a home (managed by a housekeeper) used only for meals
or for social entertainment. Their sexual life gradually grew
thinner and more disinterested, partly because of Mrs.
T__’s tendency to deprecate sexuality in favor of her
career, and Finally because Mr. T__. found more satisfac-
tion in a secret mistress.
At first the decreasing sexual atmosphere of their marriage
was welcomed by Mrs. T__. Then she developed fibrositis,
which on the surface had nothing to do with Mrs. T___'s
womanliness. But then she, too, was catapulted into the arms
of a lover, and for the first time in her life experienced sexual
satisfaction. The remarkable thing was that her librositis
disappeared at once.
Because of her career position,_and also because of a pro-
found feeling of guilt, Mrs, T__ periodically tried to deny
herself to her lover. With each of these episodes, the fibrositis
returned, only to disappear when this illicit love was allowed
again into her life.
In many other ways, sexual incompatibility or unhappiness
in marriage is the primary cause of functional disease in hus-
band or wife, or both.
The old people must be loved, too. A group of people who
commonly suffer from the need of love and affection are the
aged, who must walk more and more alone as those whom
they loved, and those who loved them, are taken away by
the robber. death. An old man loses his wife, the only person
who showed him affection, and finds in her place a daughter-
in-law, who shows him in many little open or halt-hidden
ways that he belongs in the category of a "necessary
which-we-will-have-to-tolerate?' And so the last of life, for
which the first was made, becomes a toasting on a spit turned
by a mean wench, assisted by her children, silently aided by
the unfeeling attitude of the man's own son. A great deal of
what in older people appears superficially to be degenerative
disease characteristic of old age is in fact functional disease,
the result of the lonesomeness, futility, despair, and sadness
that have become the closest companions of their nights and