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[karmayog] The Fulfillment of your Six Basic Needs: Need 1

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  • Thiagarajan Arunachalam
    From: Pearl - Karmayog *Source:* How to live 365 days a year. *Author:* John.A Schindler *THE FULFILMENT OF YOUR SIX BASIC NEEDS* There are
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 12, 2014
      From: Pearl - Karmayog <info@...>


      Source: How to live 365 days a year.

      Author: John.A Schindler

       

      THE FULFILMENT OF YOUR SIX BASIC NEEDS

       

      There are some people with E. I. I, who are unaware of

      any emotions that might be responsible for their illness. These

      people frequently have fundamental emotions of a wrong

      variety because their basic psychological needs are not being

      filled.


      The ordinary human being, like you and me, has six basic

      instinctive needs - six psychological WANTS- things that he

      feels deeply inside himself he must have. If one of these needs

      is not fulfilled, a deep-seated restlessness is produced, a vague

      unrequited longing, and an undercurrent of disappointment

      that colors every minute of the day and night.


      Such an individual may be adapting himself very well,

      otherwise, to his environment, managing to put up a cheerful

      pleasant front; but deep down inside, there is a great gnawing

      longing because one or more of his psychological needs is

      only an empty yawning sore of misery.

       

       1. First of These Basic Needs ls the Need for Love

      Everyone (even the person who seems to hate everybody

      else) has an inner desire and need for love - he wants to

      receive the affection and high regard of at least one other

      in being. Receiving such affection makes us feel important

      and valuable; it makes us feel that we have a place

      order of people and things


      The proper fulfilment of this need adds a glow of warmth

      richness and beauty to what is otherwise very dull living.If

      there is no love from anyone no high regard from a single

      soul a deep vacuum is made in a person into which are

      sucked the emotions of distress, longing lonesomeness, and

      eventually, social hostility. And these unhealthy emotions

      are present constantly day and night tainting the fundamental

      background of living.


      This lack may begin in childhood. There are many unfortunate people who feel the sting of the lack of affection

      early childhood on, because they have the had luck to

      have been born into a family where real affection simply does

      not exist. Mother and father wage a continual cold war against

      each other, with periods when the war gets pretty hot and the

      air is filled with angry words, with, perhaps a dish or two for

      punctuation. What they can t take out on each other, the

      parents take out on the children.


      The children learning by imitation, imagine that constant

      bickering, quarrelling, spite and hatred are the stuff that all

      life is made of; so sisters and brothers return blow for blow.

      Everyone feels alone, hunted, exploited, uncomfortable, and

      on the defensive. These boys and girls may get quite old or

      may go all the way through life without ever getting the idea

      that there is such a thing as affection or that there are human

      capable of it But the psychological need for it is

      present, and these people have a restlessness and a yearning,

      for something they haven't got. Basically, they are very unhappy.

      The odd and tragic thing is that they don t consciously realize it

      and of course they don t know that it is lack of affection

      that underlies their restlessness.

       

      This sort of thing isn't at all uncommon. It often shows its

      effects (which are functional disease and gross unhappiness)

      in some of the best families.


      Verna was a beautiful girl whose mother died when she

      was a baby. Her father, who showed very little affection for

      her at any time, put the girl in an orphanage where she found

      more abuse and psychological torment than affection. At the

      age of fifteen, she met Eugene, an only child and a wealthy

      boy, with a very protective and selfish mother.


      Eugene was captivated more by Verna’s sexual attractive-

      ness than anything else, and for the first (and only) time in

      his life, he did something his mother did not want him to do

      - he eloped with Verna. Verna had received no affection in

      the orphanage and she received less as the wife of Eugene.

      Eugene was too selfish, too self centered and dependent on

      his mother to be capable of affection for Verna. Eugene's

      mother, who always lived just a few blocks away, resented

      Verna`s position with her son and did her best to hold Eugene

      and turn him against Verna in every way she could.


      For years this went on. When children came, the mother

      worked on them to turn them against Verna; in this she suc

      ceeded to the point where a 16-year-old daughter repeatedly

      told Vema, “I hate you!" The need for affection wasn’t the

      only need that went empty in Verna, some of the others that

      we are going to talk about, likewise, were empty gulfs of

      despair. Vema experienced years of functional disease which

      grew gradually to the point of complete disability. When the

      cause of her illness was explained to a much-doubting hus-

      band and mother-in-law, they went through the outward ap

      pearance of affection. But wise Verna sensed this as a sham.

      The only thing that could have altered the situation would

      have been for Verna to start life all over. It was only with

      great difficulty and self-discipline that Verna began to feel a

      sense of value in the returned good-will of other people when

      she went into Red Cross work on an all-out scale.


      Even worse than Verna's situation is the situation of a girl

       who has been brought up in an affectionate family atmosphere

      and then finds herself married to a man who is capable of

      about as much affection as a cold blob of cottage cheese.These

      husbands (and there are a lot of them) forget their wives are

      human beings with human wants and feelings

      These chaps have little idea that there are such things as

      human wants and feelings outside their own They have a

      childhood  arrest  in certain essential compartments of their

      personalities. If they are capable of any affection, they never

      show their wives the capacity. After all, it would be easy for

      the big lugs to show the little woman some affection in many

      little ways every day. A hug, a kiss a pleasantry, a compliment

      on her appearance. or an appreciation of a meal would put

      a few blooms in the arid desert that such a woman unfortunately

      inhabits.


      lt finally serves the big fool right when he has to pay a long

      hard medical bill for functional illness of which he is the

      cause But this too he turns against the wife blaming her

      for the sickness his immature stupidity produced .Men like

      this are one of the big reasons for functional illness in married

      women.


      Sexual love ls basically important The thing we call love,

      the kind of thing we mean by affection, is a complex thing

      composed of various parts and part of this basic  need for

      love is the basic need for sexual love In any marriage, conjugal

      affection is intimately bound with sexual affection. A

      marriage can seldom be unified, affectionate and mutually

      satisfactory if the sexual experience between the partners ls

      not unified, affectionate and mutually satisfactory.

       

      If for one reason or another sexual love never develops

      in a marriage or fades away and disappears one or both of

      the married couple becomes restless, dissatisfied, grumbly, irr

      itable and complaining The functional disease produced

      by this kind of a situatlon is often hard to treat because the

      patient would rather not tell about the trouble; consequently

      it can never he remedied Sometimes this kind of trouble is hard to remedy anyway. But this type of trouble produces

      some very odd results.


      For instance Mrs T__ had a severe fibrositis of the lower

      back, so severe that she went to many clinics and many hos-

      pitals. The usual treatment did her very little good.

       

      Mrs. T_ was a career woman. Both she and her husband

      held important and responsible positions that took preced-

      ence over their home life. After their day's work, they came

      to a home (managed by a housekeeper) used only for meals

      or for social entertainment. Their sexual life gradually grew

      thinner and more disinterested, partly because of Mrs.

      T__’s tendency to deprecate sexuality in favor of her

      career, and Finally because Mr. T__. found more satisfac-

      tion in a secret mistress.


      At first the decreasing sexual atmosphere of their marriage

      was welcomed by Mrs. T__. Then she developed fibrositis,

      which on the surface had nothing to do with Mrs. T___'s

      womanliness. But then she, too, was catapulted into the arms

      of a lover, and for the first time in her life experienced sexual

      satisfaction. The remarkable thing was that her librositis

      disappeared at once.


      Because of her career position,_and also because of a pro-

      found feeling of guilt, Mrs, T__ periodically tried to deny

      herself to her lover. With each of these episodes, the fibrositis

      returned, only to disappear when this illicit love was allowed

      again into her life.


      In many other ways, sexual incompatibility or unhappiness

      in marriage is the primary cause of functional disease in hus-

      band or wife, or both.


      The old people must be loved, too. A group of people who

      commonly suffer from the need of love and affection are the

      aged, who must walk more and more alone as those whom

      they loved, and those who loved them, are taken away by

      the robber. death. An old man loses his wife, the only person

      who showed him affection, and finds in her place a daughter-

      in-law, who shows him in many little open or halt-hidden

      ways that he belongs in the category of a "necessary

      which-we-will-have-to-tolerate?' And so the last of life, for

      which the first was made, becomes a toasting on a spit turned

      by a mean wench, assisted by her children, silently aided by

      the unfeeling attitude of the man's own son. A great deal of

      what in older people appears superficially to be degenerative

      disease characteristic of old age is in fact functional disease,

      the result of the lonesomeness, futility, despair, and sadness

      that have become the closest companions of their nights and

      days.

      _
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