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JJdJ May 3, 05: Kosher Computers

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  • Irene A. Mystery
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    Message 1 of 1 , May 2, 2005
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      May 3, 2005 Volume 65, Issue 547


      Why is this PC different from all other PCs?

      LadyHawke
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      "Kosher Computers"

      I don't know if you know this, but they are now selling
      Kosher computers (Made in Israel) called a DELLSHALOM.
      It is selling at such a good price I bought one. Mine arrived
      yesterday. If you or a friend are considering a kosher
      computer, you should know there are some important
      upgrades and changes from the typical computer you
      are used to, such as:

      The cursor moves from right to left. It comes with two
      hard drives-one for fleyshedik (business software) and
      one for milchedik (games).

      Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my
      PC now gets "Ferklempt."

      The Chanukah screen saver includes "Flying Dreidels."

      The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday
      evenings.

      After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24
      hours.

      The "Start" button has been replaced with the "Let's go!!
      I'm not getting any younger!" button.

      When disconnecting external devices from the back of my
      PC, I am instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's
      tuchus."

      The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play
      my music already!"

      Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper
      right corner.

      I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup.

      Microsoft Office now includes, "A little byte of this, and a
      little byte of that."

      When running "Scan Disk" it prompts with a "You want
      I should fix this" message?

      When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear
      a loud "Oy Gevalt!"

      There is a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz
      that advertises it gets rid of the "schmutz und drek" on
      your monitor.

      After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes "Schloffen."

      Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo
      ball chicken soup.

      "Year 5761-5762" issues have replaced the Y2K problem.

      If you decide not to shut down the computer in the
      prescribed manner, the following message appears:
      "You should be ashamed of yourself."

      When Spellchecker finds an error it prompts, "Is this the
      best you can do?"

      When I look at erotic images, my computer says, "If your
      mother knew you did this, she would die."

      And best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't
      get Spam.


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