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JJdJ Aug 21, 03: A Jewish Test

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  • Irene A. Mystery
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    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 20, 2003
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      Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

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      Aug 21, 2003 Volume 46, Issue 390

      Get your pen and pencil ready...


      Keep LadyHawke flying:
      Please support Jewish Joke du Jour. Thank you.

      "A Jewish Test"

      1. There are no Jews living in:

      a. sin
      b. El Paso
      c. trailer parks

      2. The cleaning lady in a Jewish household is expected to:
      a. do windows
      b. make latkes
      c. attend all bar mitzvahs and weddings

      3. To Make a good pet for a Jewish child, an animal must be:
      a. gentle
      b. housebroken
      c. stuffed

      4. Jews spend their vacations:
      a. sightseeing
      b. sunbathing
      c. discussing where they spent their last vacation
      and where they'll spend the next

      5. A Jewish mouth never
      a. lies
      b. closes
      c. contains gold teeth

      6. If there's a hairdresser in your immediate family, you are
      a. up on the newest styles
      b. entitle to free haircuts
      c. not Jewish

      7. Wilderness means
      a. no running water
      b. no electricity
      c. no hot and sour soup

      8. The most popular outdoor sport among Jews is:
      a. jogging
      b. tennis
      c. howling over the neighbors' lawn ornaments

      9. Jews never drive
      a. unsafely
      b. on Saturdays
      c. eighteen wheelers

      10. A truly unsuitable gift for a Jewish person is
      a. Easter lilies
      b. a crucifix
      c. a Zippo lighter

      11. A Jewish skydiver is
      a. careful
      b. insured
      c. an apparition

      12. Jews never eat at restaurants that
      a. aren't kosher
      b. cost too much
      c. have paintings for sale

      13. No Jewish person in history has ever been known to
      a. become a prostitute
      b. deface a synagogue
      c. remove the back of a TV set

      14. There is no such thing as a Jewish
      a. black belt
      b. obscene caller
      c. toll collector

      15. Jews never sing
      a. off-key
      b. "Nel Blu di Pinto di Blu"
      c. around a piano bar

      16. You won't catch a Jewish person on a
      a. horse
      b. backhoe
      c. toot

      17. Jews are ambivalent about
      a. vegetarianism
      b. Jesse Jackson
      c. absolutely nothing

      Scoring: Take 1 point for each "a" answer,
      2 for each "b", 3 for each "c."

      39-51: Mazel Tov! You know a lot about Jews.
      Either you've studied your loved one's family
      carefully, out of desire for true closeness plus
      your respect for their traditions, or you're from
      either Florida or New York. They'll adore you.

      29-38: You're not quite there yet, but don't panic.
      Just remember to do everything louder, longer
      and with a lot more butter than you're used to..

      17-28: Sorry. Better study harder. Or consider
      getting a divorce and buying a Denny's franchise.


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      Ms. Irene A. Mystery
      Editor at Joke du Jour
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      Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
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