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JJdJ Nov 15, 12: Getting Even

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  • Irene A. Mystery
    Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Nov 15, 2012 Volume 153, Issue 1282 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 14, 2012
                   Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!


      Nov 15, 2012              Volume 153, Issue 1282

               Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

      o        Jewish Quote du Jour
      o         "Getting Even"


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              Jewish Quote du Jour

      What are you going to do to preserve a
      tradition that is the peculiar and unique culture
      that Judaism inculcates? The American Jewish
      community is not going to survive by lining up
      against its common enemy."
      -- Arthur Hertzberg


      "Getting Even"

      Joe Goldberg has become a very successful
      investment  banker in New York City. One day
      while hurrying past the NY Athletic Club - a
      notoriously restricted (no Jews allowed) club
      he suffers a mild heart attack on the sidewalk.

      He looks up at the 6 foot 8 inch doorman attired
      like a Romanoff guard and he gasps, "Get me a
      glass vater and call for me an ambulance."

      The guard sneers at him and ignores Goldberg.
      Finally a passerby gets an ambulance - Joe is
      rushed to the hospital and finally completely
      recovers. But he remains really pissed off at the
      NYAC. He decides to get even.

      He flies to England - enrolls at Oxford for a two
      year degree in Midieval English Literature. He
      visits Bond Street and gets "fahpitzed" in the
      finest English threads. He hires an English voice
      teacher who over the two years takes out the
      NY accent and speech pattern and substitutes
      an upper class Engliush accent.

      He goes to court and changes his name to
      Wilberforce Bartholomew. He completes his
      degree and takes the SST back to Kennedy. He
      hops into a taxi and goes straight to the NYAC.

      The doorman who is still there looks at him and
      swings the door open for him with a, "Good
      Morning, Sir". He sits down in the manager's
      office and says he would like to join.

      MANAGER: I detect an English accent Mr.
      Bartholomew?. Are you from England?

      GOLDBERG: Yes, I'm a native of London although
      I have an estate in the Midlands.

      MANAGER: Why would you wish to be a member

      GOLDBER:  Well, I do a lot of business in New York
      and need a nice place to stay in New York.

      MANAGER: Well, I certainly think you would enjoy
      our facilities - the pool - the exercise room - the
      library - the business services - and, of course, we
      are Restricted. You're not Jewish, are you?

      GOLDBERG: Oh, no of course not! I'm of the
      Goyische persuasion.


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