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[VOY] Jammer's Review: "The Haunting of Deck Twelve"

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  • Jamahl Epsicokhan
    Warning: This review contains significant spoilers for Voyager s The Haunting of Deck Twelve. If you haven t seen the episode yet, beware. Nutshell: Mostly
    Message 1 of 1 , May 22, 2000
      Warning: This review contains significant spoilers for Voyager's "The
      Haunting of Deck Twelve." If you haven't seen the episode yet, beware.

      Nutshell: Mostly pointless, even when considering this series' attitude on
      the big picture.

      Plot description: Neelix tells the four Borg children a scary story about an
      alien lifeform to keep their minds occupied during a shipwide crisis.

      Star Trek: Voyager -- "The Haunting of Deck Twelve"

      Airdate: 5/17/2000 (USA)
      Teleplay by Mike Sussman and Kenneth Biller & Bryan Fuller
      Story by Mike Sussman
      Directed by David Livingston

      Review by Jamahl Epsicokhan
      Rating out of 4: *1/2

      "Did I ever tell you about the Salvoxia?"
      "If I say yes, will it prevent you from telling the story?"
      -- Neelix and Tuvok

      Without Neelix's running narration, "The Haunting of Deck Twelve" would
      probably be the lamest Voyager outing of the year. With Neelix's narration,
      it fares a bit better, but it's still not nearly enough to redeem an hour of
      mechanical plot plodding.

      This is an example of style over substance. Of course, that's assuming you
      equate style with a smattering of photographed flashlight beams, darkened
      corridors with constantly blinking lights, pervasive (and persistent) clouds
      of deadly gas, and Jay Chattaway pounding away at the score to manufacture
      intensity where there isn't any.

      This episode features far too many bland, pointless scenes. I'm reminded
      somehow of second season's "Twisted," which was essentially about people
      wandering the ship's corridors for an hour. To be sure, "Haunting" isn't as
      bad as "Twisted"; it at least knows enough to darken the lights and move the
      camera around a lot. And in addition to wandering the ship, the characters
      run diagnostics and do other mechanical things. Unlike "Twisted," there's at
      least an ostensible purpose here, even if not a real one. And it may not be
      a particularly compelling example of technique, but there's an effort to
      punch up the action and atmosphere to compensate for the woeful lack of
      material worth caring about.

      But even in a series with no real goals beyond giving the characters a
      problem to solve each week, "The Haunting of Deck Twelve" manages to come
      off as filler. Maybe that's because it has so many filler-like scenes that
      don't seem necessary, while the rest of the story is uninteresting dreck.

      I mean come on, people. This is an episode on autopilot: Establish a bizarro
      alien of the week (in this case, one that is an "electromagnetic lifeform"),
      have it take over the ship, and exercise all the usual cliches in addressing
      the crisis. (Of course, don't kill it, because this is Star Trek.) But
      before we can address the crisis, we first must identify or find it, which
      seems to take most of the hour. In the meantime, we have lots of scenes
      where people are running diagnostics or roaming the corridors--things that
      just don't seem very important.

      The sole saving grace here is the story's take on a "creepy campfire tale,"
      which is occasionally cute with Neelix sitting in a darkened cargo bay with
      the four Borg children. (And while I don't expect babies to listen to
      campfire stories, I still do want to know--whatever happened to Borg Kid #5,
      the infant?) The episode's action is told in flashback by Neelix. The
      justification for why he is telling this story seems contrived, but that's
      okay. What's not okay is that the contrivance makes no sense as presented.
      Much is made of the fact that the ship is being completely shut down. Of
      course, we never really find out why this is necessary. It's a plot point
      lost in sketchy scripting. The whole idea of shutting down the ship exists
      for no dramatic purpose aside from the fact the story needs darkness around
      which to frame its narration device.

      In a way, the idea here is another analysis on the concept of telling a
      story. This was done a few weeks ago in "Muse," and I assure you in that
      case it was done much better. If "Muse" was a reflection on the Star Trek
      ideal, then "Haunting" is a reflection on pure schlock (which itself was
      done last year--and more humorously--in "Bride of Chaotica!"). There's a
      whiff of self-mocking in the notion that Neelix's story is a campy one, but
      not nearly enough to overcome the fact that the story being told isn't

      Back to the problem with this episode: Neelix's source for the story, or in
      other words, the real plot. Umm ... who cares? It features another random
      alien intruder, an EM intelligence that can exist inside the Voyager
      computer and take total control of the ship. Sure. Talk about your ghosts in
      the machine. It's a glorified plot device that serves to get the crew
      running aimlessly all over the ship.

      I say, if we're going to have a ghost-in-the-machine episode, at least make
      the villain a *bad* villain. Not the case here. The villain is a displaced
      but allegedly sympathetic entity that blames the Voyager crew for destroying
      its home, a nebula that the ship had been inside in the interests of
      deuterium collection. All it really wants is to go home. In a scary story,
      it might at least want to kill everybody and then move on to its next ship
      full of prey--bwahahahaha. But I forgot--we need our Starfleet philosophy to
      shine through, as Janeway is determined to make First Contact with this
      Alien Lifeform. Unfortunately, the story wants to have it both ways. When
      Janeway's efforts to help fail, the alien gets Real Mad and decides *now*
      it's ready to kill everybody. Up until this point, the attitude is see no
      evil, hear no evil. And in this case, breathe no evil.

      Except for the fact that Seven at one point in the action breathes the gas
      created by the lifeform. It's only defending itself, of course. But what I
      don't get is Seven's inability to run away from danger. She's determined to
      walk calmly away from danger. Sure, she may be a Borg, but don't you think
      running away from a potentially deadly cloud of gas might be prudent? I
      guess I forgot Borg Rule #1: drones don't run.

      Whatever. This is an episode that's not built on flowing logic but rather a
      slew of disjointed scenes--some of which I'm guessing would've been on the
      cutting room floor if there'd been enough worthy material. I liked, for
      example, that they brought back Crewman Celes (Zoe McLellan from "Good
      Shepherd"), and even that Seven treats her like the screw-up she was
      established to be in that episode. But the writers go overboard with Celes'
      goofy dialog, and the character sinks. Her motormouthing in the corridor
      with Harry about the ship being taken over by aliens is an overlong,
      pointless scene that had me wondering why we stopped so long to bother with
      it. (One would hope Neelix didn't halt his story to explain this exchange in
      detail to the Borg children. They'd likely fall asleep.)

      I could go on with the plot, but why? It's all laborious, arbitrary, and
      meaningless, and as what I'm sure comes as a huge surprise, Everything Is
      Okay at the End--but not until after an evacuation that seems so hastily and
      unnecessarily established that it leaves one's head spinning. Janeway is
      able to successfully convince the lifeform to be merciful and trusting
      (although its change of heart at the Last Possible Moment is not of much
      interest), the crew finds the lifeform a new home, and it's on with business
      as usual.

      In the meantime, we get some more Tuvok/Neelix banter, which managed to do
      little but remind me how much more I cared when Spock and Bones had
      discussions. Also, we get our Invented One-Hour Character Trait--the notion
      that Captain Janeway talks to her ship. We've never seen this before, and
      we'll never see it again. It's this week's random quirk, but I'll give the
      writers credit for trying to inject some humanity into their characters. For
      that matter, we also get Seven looking 2 percent disheveled when we see via
      close-up that several dozen strands of her hair are out of place.

      My favorite moment in this episode is when Neelix is wandering the corridor
      outside the mess hall. He's all alone in a weird, dark situation. At the end
      of the hall, the turbolift doors are opening and closing, oscillating
      rapidly like something out of a supernatural film. (It's goofy but somehow
      cool-looking.) He looks curiously at the doors, and then suddenly turns
      around and behind him is ... TUVOK WEARING AN OXYGEN MASK! (Gasp!) It's
      among the oddest, cheapest, goofiest horror-movie-inspired moments I've seen
      on this series. And, somehow, I think everyone involved in making the scene
      knew that. And even if they didn't, oh well--I laughed long and hard.

      If only "Haunting" had realized it was a genre comedy and played up the fun
      rather than the boring corridor-traipsing and systems-tinkering, they
      might've had something here: Voyager does "Scream." Now there you go. Alas,
      it was not to be. And too bad--the stage hands operating the pulley on those
      turbolift doors really put in the effort for that one scene. I hope they got
      paid time and a half.

      Next week: Borg + VR = ? Find out in the season finale.

      Copyright (c) 2000 by Jamahl Epsicokhan, all rights reserved. Unauthorized
      reproduction or distribution of this article is prohibited.

      Star Trek: Hypertext - http://www.st-hypertext.com/
      Jamahl Epsicokhan - jammer@...
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