Satire by Rick Biesada
- J.A.I.L. News Journal
Los Angeles, California September 22, 2003Satire by Rick BiesadaBelow is a satire written by our own Rick Biesada, Beesba@..., an Illinois JAILer. We trust his satire will provide you with some humor for today. -Ron BransonThe Federal ObserverSeptember 22, 2003 Vol. 03, No. 264
Pimps Up Hos Down
By Rick Biesada
Another whore lawyer got busted this week, for bilking a charity group out of over $300,000.
I checked with the Chicago Police Department to see how many pimps were arrested this month. Their answer was zero. None, but two lawyers were arrested in as many weeks.
Last week we had that North Shore thief who stole over $170,000 from a childs educational trust fund, and this week we have Carl F. Dixon.
Counselor Dixon, was a magna -cum -laude graduate of Illinois Wesleyan, and a recent recipient of The Alumni Associations, "Loyalty Award." This self-righteous member of the Quadrangle Club, has been charged with felony theft and accused of taking $330,000 from The Kidney Cancer Association, by diverting charity contributions into a separate bank account that he had created.
This settles a question that has been bothering me for a long time. The next time that I have to go to court, I'm going to bring a pimp with me, instead of a lawyer.
Pimps are more cunning, and have a better understanding of the law. I'd be more likely to beat the case, using a pimp in place of a lawyer.
These wily dropouts have an uncanny ability to stay on the streets and operate while the sanctimonious legal beagles, have been getting locked up like they're going out of style. Ba-Da Boom - Ba-Da- Bing! These unsavory con men are dropping like flies.
What seems to be running through their minds lately, and what has Professor Gonorrhea been teaching them in law school?
We certainly can't blame this pattern of crime on "poverty," or "child abuse," not after attending our finest law schools, and that $200. per hour fee should certainly insure against this type of reprehensible behavior.
Even Willie the Pimp, knows when he's made enough loot and when to flee.
Why push the envelope of greed, and wind up in a holding cell, falling in love with Bubba?
Maybe pimps are really smarter after all, and we have been targeting our law enforcement and Homeland Security effort on the wrong people.
We should mandate background checks and drug tests for all lawyers and judges, and start reforming the entire legal system, as it looks like everybody is guilty of violating the public trust.
Activist judges are responsible for subverting our culture with fiat legislation, and undermining the moral foundation of our society by rendering unconstitutional decisions, and not being held accountable.
This vile judicial arrogance is appalling. I can cite case after case of judicial malfeasance or corruption where the particular scandalous judge is still walking around free on our streets, instead of being made to walk the plank, for his contempt of the law.
Uncle Clarence Thomas and his Supremes have been flexing the muscles of the World Court, in negating our sovereignty, and rendering decisions froth by unelected bureaucrats and anti American haters of The World Court. The Supreme Court has discarded the United States Constitution, as if it were a piece of toilet paper, vacating our sovereignty, in favor of surreptitious fiat legislation borne to obliterate the American Society.
The megalomaniac State Supreme Court of Virginia, seems to be acting in collusion with an unsavory looking Virginia State Bar Association, as they disbarred Ms. Linda Kennedy, " The Peoples Lawyer," from, WBF Legal Reform, in spite of false testimony given against Kennedy, and the introduction of altered transcripts. This smells of a government persecution over a citizen exercising her constitutional right to free speech.
Imbecile judge, Robert L. Patterson, targeted Denver businessman and patriot, Rick Stanley, over the lawful display of a hand gun, according to Colorado law. Patterson told Stanley not to cite The United States Constitution over his 2nd Amendment case, because according to Judge Patterson, Federal Law does not apply to the city of Denver, proving that he needs to be castrated from the bench.
Poor attorney Elsabeth Baumgartner, she went through the horrid experience of jail, after suffering the wrath of Ohio's Judicial System, for blowing the whistle on judicial corruption, during the dastardly kangaroo trial of Representative James A. Traficant, by that feeble hanging judge: Leslie Wells. Wells should have excused herself from the bench over ethical issues. Her husband had business dealings with key witnesses against Traficant, but this information seemed to fade from our earshot by a controlled media, and judicial oversight in their zeal to convict and lock away, James Traficant.
My favorite case of judicial corruption happened right here in Illinois a few years ago with a conceited, gruff judge from Kane County.
Judge Michael F. O'Brien, claimed to have been awarded The Congressional Medal of Honor in Korea, and went so far as to have a fraudulent citation hanging on his chamber wall. When he was found out to be a liar, caught like a fat rat in a cheese factory, he broke down crying like a sniveling little coward, and copped a victim plea by blaming his disgusting conduct on alcohol.
He whined to his judicial peers that he had been despondent and forced into this type of behavior by bottles of alcohol. The selective and unremorseful, Bar Association of Illinois gave this degenerate a slap on the wrist, and allowed him to finish out his term to stack a hefty pension, without any concern for his deceitful and injurious impact on the victims that this moron had sentenced while he sat on the bench, drunk as a skunk, brain impaired.
This malignant corruption seems to be spreading unwieldy, through out our entire legal system and something has to be done about it before we are immersed into total anarchy.
Only yesterday another bust, this time coming from The Cook County States Attorneys Office, of all places, like it's something all new. Young Joseph Barhoumeh, of Chicago, an employee of the States Attorney's Office, was charged with identity theft and wire fraud, after applying for credit cards in at least ten state's attorneys names.
Illinois Attorney General, Lisa Madigan's "High Tech Crimes Bureau," led the investigation.
Ms. Madigan stated, "whether it's a fellow employee at a nearby desk, or a con artist half way around the world, all of us need to be alert to the possibility that someone may be stealing our personal financial information.
Good thinking Lisa, and now while we're at it, don't forget to warn us about all of the parasitical rats, that have infiltrated our judicial system through political patronage positions, which are plaguing the system with corruption.
Maybe it's "High Time," for "Low Tech People," to take back our government, to get away from these contrived, tailor-made laws that insure corruption and selective prosecution, and get back to the old way of doing business; with methods like administering corporal punishment to all public officials that are guilty of violating the public trust.
I recommend a Blue Ribbon Commission to study this perverted trend of corruption.
Instead of the usual suspects - The Bar Association, The Ethics Committee, and the political sycophants - we'll use ex-convicts.
Cast a giant net for all pimps, gang-bangers, and burglars, who were "set up," using fraudulent evidence.
This should really be fun, watching these larcenist traitors squirm in their seats, but before the laughing begins - my advice to you is - if you ever have to retain an attorney, or pay legal fees - make sure that this rascal is wired up to a lie detector machine.
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