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(IN) These socially-conscious people drive me crazy

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    [Daily News & Analysis - opinion] If not hugging trees, they re saving chicken…will they ever get real jobs? By my own admission, and others insistence, I
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 1, 2008
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      [Daily News & Analysis - opinion]

      If not hugging trees, they're saving chicken…will they ever get real jobs?

      By my own admission, and others insistence, I concede I am a person
      with very little patience for people. But my threshold of patience for
      socially-conscious beings has always been on the simmering side. My
      recent experience has only helped reaffirm my faith in their ability
      to be singularly the most unreasonable people you could meet in the
      course of your day, week or life.

      After a lifetime spent avoiding these beings, I have decided there are
      three kinds - the vegetarians, who may or may not be animal lovers;
      the nature lover, who believes that Tarzan is a model citizen; and the
      Causeless, who will hop on any available cause.

      Let us begin at the top with Vegetarians. They are the ones accosting
      you anywhere - local trains, parties, offices and the loo. The opening
      statement is - I am a vegetarian. Of course, this will be followed
      with unsolicited information about how they stumbled upon
      vegetarianism. The story is always the same: "I went to the chicken
      shop and saw how the poor things struggled to live."

      My heart, too, goes out for the poor chicken, but from what I gather,
      the bird was reared for my dinner. Poultry, in all societies across
      the world, is the legitimate business of rearing birds for human
      consumption. This also applies to goats, seafood etc. In fact, I would
      like to point out that chicken is not on any endangered species list,
      nor are goats or cows.
      How and why these people came to be, I have no clue. But since this
      article I was warned, has a high probability of becoming a rant, I
      shall offer some solutions:

      1. Always look at the vegetarian (which ever variety) with child-like
      devotion. Tell them their act of kindness is unparalleled in human
      history. Then offer to join them, fake withdrawal symptoms, and state
      you are addicted to flesh. In all societies addiction is an illness
      so, lucky you, no one will hold a grudge against a sicko!

      2. Tackling the nature-lover is easier. Blame all nature's disasters
      on the immovable target - the state. They will be eternally grateful
      that you led them to the real culprit and invite you to their marches,
      dharnas etc. You could show up in the right shade of green.

      3. Causeless are the difficult ones. You have to be ahead of them. So,
      read up on the latest and upcoming 'causes' and fox them with a new
      'cause' every time to meet them. Give them all the dope - the NGO
      working for it; how to sign up for it, blah blah…and hope that next
      time too you are ahead of them!


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