(IN) These socially-conscious people drive me crazy
- [Daily News & Analysis - opinion]
If not hugging trees, they're saving chicken…will they ever get real jobs?
By my own admission, and others insistence, I concede I am a person
with very little patience for people. But my threshold of patience for
socially-conscious beings has always been on the simmering side. My
recent experience has only helped reaffirm my faith in their ability
to be singularly the most unreasonable people you could meet in the
course of your day, week or life.
After a lifetime spent avoiding these beings, I have decided there are
three kinds - the vegetarians, who may or may not be animal lovers;
the nature lover, who believes that Tarzan is a model citizen; and the
Causeless, who will hop on any available cause.
Let us begin at the top with Vegetarians. They are the ones accosting
you anywhere - local trains, parties, offices and the loo. The opening
statement is - I am a vegetarian. Of course, this will be followed
with unsolicited information about how they stumbled upon
vegetarianism. The story is always the same: "I went to the chicken
shop and saw how the poor things struggled to live."
My heart, too, goes out for the poor chicken, but from what I gather,
the bird was reared for my dinner. Poultry, in all societies across
the world, is the legitimate business of rearing birds for human
consumption. This also applies to goats, seafood etc. In fact, I would
like to point out that chicken is not on any endangered species list,
nor are goats or cows.
How and why these people came to be, I have no clue. But since this
article I was warned, has a high probability of becoming a rant, I
shall offer some solutions:
1. Always look at the vegetarian (which ever variety) with child-like
devotion. Tell them their act of kindness is unparalleled in human
history. Then offer to join them, fake withdrawal symptoms, and state
you are addicted to flesh. In all societies addiction is an illness
so, lucky you, no one will hold a grudge against a sicko!
2. Tackling the nature-lover is easier. Blame all nature's disasters
on the immovable target - the state. They will be eternally grateful
that you led them to the real culprit and invite you to their marches,
dharnas etc. You could show up in the right shade of green.
3. Causeless are the difficult ones. You have to be ahead of them. So,
read up on the latest and upcoming 'causes' and fox them with a new
'cause' every time to meet them. Give them all the dope - the NGO
working for it; how to sign up for it, blah blah…and hope that next
time too you are ahead of them!
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