There Are Drive-Through Rules.
1. Know what you want.
How many times have I been behind some moron who chooses now to read
the menu? What do you think? There will be something new from the
last time you were here? Could you think about this while driving to
the place? Have you been living under a rock and you are surprised
that there are 5 numbered choices? (Or were you to busy on your cell
phone or beating your children in the back seat) It's not hard
(unless you are a moron) Hmmm I think I will have a coffee and a
bagel. It took you longer to read it than think about it. Believe me
it will make it worth it in the long run, this will give you more
time to beat your children and talk on the cell phone, please do as
much as you can while you are driving, so you will crash and thin
out the herd.
2. Have your Money ready.
What? It's a surprise that you are going to have to pay? Believe it
or not it's not free. You just wasted more of my time. Could you
find your purse and money while you are in the line instead of
waiting till you are there at the window? Just move your fat ass
over and leave your wallet on the seat for easy access and maybe
have some cash in your hand. If you are digging through all the
cubby holes in your car for change to pay, you should not be here.
Get a better job or learn how to manage your money. If you have to
ask how much or count pennies from the ash tray, you can not afford
3. Pay Attention
You are in a line and it might just move. If what ever you people
are doing in your car is so f@@king interesting go inside the place
and bring it with you. The reason it's called a drive-through is
because you might be expected to drive. (You are most likely the
d@@k who sits at green lights too.) A.D.D. must be the number one
disease that drive-through users suffer from. Move it along people
stop wasting my time.
4. Limit your number of items.
If there are more than two people or you will be making that pseudo
sheik yuppie hemp sucking hippie order go inside. The next time I
hear an order through the drive through that is more than 15 seconds
long or involves the words halfcaf, lite, nonfat, and so on, I will
just drive my van into the back of your vehicle. (Here is a good
scale, if you need to use more than two adjectives to describe any
item go inside) If you do not know what I mean, it's the people in
the SUVs with the whole neighborhoods' children and a dog. (Who did
not follow the first rule) and now decide that they will ask each
child in turn what they want. Then spends ten minutes repeating the
whole thing through the speaker, then I have to listen to it get
repeated and corrected. (This is about the time that my steering
wheel starts to show forehead marks) You know damn well that they
won't have their money out and will definitely be attempting to talk
on the cell phone, beat the children, yell at the dog and drive at
the same time (more herd thinning, cool). These are the three
offences that really kill me. Then you know when I tap the horn I am
going to get the dirty look in the mirror. (That reminds me, if you
can't drive a standard shift vehicle. Go inside, it's a simple
process, gas down, clutch up. Not roll towards my vehicle because
you are not coordinated)
In case there are some of you who are still confused. Here is a
short guide to let you know who you are.
- If you are screaming at the speaker because you're stereo is too
loud. GO INSIDE
(And you are a moron)
- If you do not know which group you belong to. GO INSIDE
- If you want to personalize your meal. GO INSIDE
- If you decide you don't like what you received, because you did
not know what to order, don't give it back to the drive through
girl. DRIVE-THROUGH! PARK! GO INSIDE!
- If you are ordering for the whole office or a dozen of anything.
- If you plan on leaving the decision on flavor, color or type of
item you want to the drive through employee. GO INSIDE