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Hello, Members From Leif something funny for friday afternoon

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  • Leif
    I hope you all can get a short laugh from this. I can relate to this as all of this happens to me. If you are not interested in reading this feel free to
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 22, 2005
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      I hope you all can get a short laugh from this. I can relate to this
      as all of this happens to me.
      If you are not interested in reading this feel free to delete it. I
      just wanted to share.
      Leif
      http://www.infoguys.com

      The modern telephone system.
      In a discussion with Mr. Vengeance, We discovered a truly forgotten
      art, in these, our United States. The operation of the business
      telephone and answering machine, and the associated dynamics
      therein.

      As the telephone has been around for a few years I thought
      that it may be common knowledge on how to use it. I am sadly
      mistaken. It is not difficult to do dial, say hello, and carry on a
      conversation that fits your level of education Simple right?

      Wrong! A recent call to my business was not answered. The
      answering machine
      (I assumed to be another common sense device) activated and was
      willing to do its only job in life and take a message in my absence,
      but alas when I pushed the pretty flashing light I hear
      "click". So
      they are shy and do not want to leave a message or maybe the
      electronic representation of my voice offended them. Ok, No problem.
      This goes on for several minutes and I hear no voices just clicks.
      (Hmmm am I that offensive?) Well since I have some free time ( as I
      have no messages to answer) I look at my caller I.D. ( I know
      another common sense device) I have 9 hang ups and 9 of the same
      phone number on the screen. What's up with that? As I am hooked
      now
      I look deeper and find less than a minute between the calls.
      Wouldn't it have made more sense to leave me a message rather
      than
      spend 10 minutes dialing? What a @ick.

      The more I thought about it the more I got pissed off.
      There are only three reasons that I have an answering machine 1. I
      am busy and I can't take the call. 2. I am not here 3. I do not
      want
      to talk to you. (Number 3. should be evident in the first two or
      three calls don't you think?)

      While I'm at it you should have the basic operation
      knowledge of the phone before you use it. One guy called and left a
      message Name and phone number (This was a real treat for me) but as
      my hopes are crushed, instead of hanging up he puts me on hold, well
      he puts my machine on hold. So I am listening to elevator music for
      a minute or so then the receptionist (I assume) picks up and says,
      Hello yada yada yada incorporated can I help you? Hello? Hello? Then
      my favorite sound "Click".

      Now I have a mission, to explain how to use an answering
      machine to the world.
      STEP 1. Wait for the tone to begin recording. Nothing is more
      aggravating then hearing "0978 please call me as soon as you get
      in"
      There are very few absolutes in life one of them is that Answering
      machines will beep. Even if you are calling a total moron who
      can't
      record a message, the f@@king machine WILL BEEP.

      STEP 2. Leave a real message. It is very simple for those of you who
      are taking notes. "My name is bob my number is 555-1212" If
      you are
      a professional you can add I am calling regarding my self important
      problem that you should address the minute you get in as I am the
      only person in the world. If you really want to impress me tell me
      the time and date of your call and repeat that number seven times so
      I don't miss it. (It's a recording you @ick, I can play it
      again if
      you aren't capable of annunciating.

      STEP 3. Do not leave vague and cryptic messages. "Hey dude its me
      call me" or my favorite "I got that thing you sent me in the
      mail.
      Its really cool How do I turn it on?" I am not a mind reader.
      Give
      me something to work with here. At least say "I am to insecure to
      leave a message I will call back" At least 10 calls a day could
      be
      ignored if you would give me that much.

      STEP 4. If you are on your cell phone and you lose a signal while
      you are leaving a literate message. I give you my permission to call
      back and apologize for dropping out, hey I know @hit happens. One
      thing though. Wait till you have a signal before calling back. If I
      have to listen to one more every other word message because you
      either do not know how to or are to stupid to use your cell phone, I
      would rather you did not call at all.

      Definite DO NOT DO ITEMS.
      Do not call me if your children are screaming in the background. Gag
      them first.
      Do not call me if you are not prepared. If I say hello and you say
      hold on just a minute Do you REALLY think I will be there when you
      get back?
      Do not call me and ask for tech help if you do not have the device
      with you. "Ummm I just bought this and I left it home but I
      couldn't
      get the thing to turn on" ( I realize that you are to cheap to
      call
      from home, when you can sponge off your company for free phone calls
      but this is a waste of my time)
      The Most Important Thing is DO NOT WIAT FOR THE BEEP AND SAY "ARE
      YOU THERE?" "PICK UP IF YOU ARE THERE?"

      The Slug King
      Proud owner of the hardest working couch in America.
      Email me if you must I will probably ignore it .
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