Hello, Members From Leif something funny for friday afternoon
- I hope you all can get a short laugh from this. I can relate to this
as all of this happens to me.
If you are not interested in reading this feel free to delete it. I
just wanted to share.
The modern telephone system.
In a discussion with Mr. Vengeance, We discovered a truly forgotten
art, in these, our United States. The operation of the business
telephone and answering machine, and the associated dynamics
As the telephone has been around for a few years I thought
that it may be common knowledge on how to use it. I am sadly
mistaken. It is not difficult to do dial, say hello, and carry on a
conversation that fits your level of education Simple right?
Wrong! A recent call to my business was not answered. The
(I assumed to be another common sense device) activated and was
willing to do its only job in life and take a message in my absence,
but alas when I pushed the pretty flashing light I hear
they are shy and do not want to leave a message or maybe the
electronic representation of my voice offended them. Ok, No problem.
This goes on for several minutes and I hear no voices just clicks.
(Hmmm am I that offensive?) Well since I have some free time ( as I
have no messages to answer) I look at my caller I.D. ( I know
another common sense device) I have 9 hang ups and 9 of the same
phone number on the screen. What's up with that? As I am hooked
I look deeper and find less than a minute between the calls.
Wouldn't it have made more sense to leave me a message rather
spend 10 minutes dialing? What a @ick.
The more I thought about it the more I got pissed off.
There are only three reasons that I have an answering machine 1. I
am busy and I can't take the call. 2. I am not here 3. I do not
to talk to you. (Number 3. should be evident in the first two or
three calls don't you think?)
While I'm at it you should have the basic operation
knowledge of the phone before you use it. One guy called and left a
message Name and phone number (This was a real treat for me) but as
my hopes are crushed, instead of hanging up he puts me on hold, well
he puts my machine on hold. So I am listening to elevator music for
a minute or so then the receptionist (I assume) picks up and says,
Hello yada yada yada incorporated can I help you? Hello? Hello? Then
my favorite sound "Click".
Now I have a mission, to explain how to use an answering
machine to the world.
STEP 1. Wait for the tone to begin recording. Nothing is more
aggravating then hearing "0978 please call me as soon as you get
There are very few absolutes in life one of them is that Answering
machines will beep. Even if you are calling a total moron who
record a message, the f@@king machine WILL BEEP.
STEP 2. Leave a real message. It is very simple for those of you who
are taking notes. "My name is bob my number is 555-1212" If
a professional you can add I am calling regarding my self important
problem that you should address the minute you get in as I am the
only person in the world. If you really want to impress me tell me
the time and date of your call and repeat that number seven times so
I don't miss it. (It's a recording you @ick, I can play it
you aren't capable of annunciating.
STEP 3. Do not leave vague and cryptic messages. "Hey dude its me
call me" or my favorite "I got that thing you sent me in the
Its really cool How do I turn it on?" I am not a mind reader.
me something to work with here. At least say "I am to insecure to
leave a message I will call back" At least 10 calls a day could
ignored if you would give me that much.
STEP 4. If you are on your cell phone and you lose a signal while
you are leaving a literate message. I give you my permission to call
back and apologize for dropping out, hey I know @hit happens. One
thing though. Wait till you have a signal before calling back. If I
have to listen to one more every other word message because you
either do not know how to or are to stupid to use your cell phone, I
would rather you did not call at all.
Definite DO NOT DO ITEMS.
Do not call me if your children are screaming in the background. Gag
Do not call me if you are not prepared. If I say hello and you say
hold on just a minute Do you REALLY think I will be there when you
Do not call me and ask for tech help if you do not have the device
with you. "Ummm I just bought this and I left it home but I
get the thing to turn on" ( I realize that you are to cheap to
from home, when you can sponge off your company for free phone calls
but this is a waste of my time)
The Most Important Thing is DO NOT WIAT FOR THE BEEP AND SAY "ARE
YOU THERE?" "PICK UP IF YOU ARE THERE?"
The Slug King
Proud owner of the hardest working couch in America.
Email me if you must I will probably ignore it .