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How to help your child cope with a bully

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  • Karen Eck
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    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 28, 2008
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      >List-subscribe: <mailto:toxicrelationships-subscribe@yahoogroups.com>
      >Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:38:31 +0200
      >Subject: [toxicrelationships] How to help your child cope with a bully
      >
      ><http://samvak.tripod.com/journal67.html>The Cyber Narcissist
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      >========================================
      ><http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/08/25/hm.bullying/index.html>http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/08/25/hm.bullying/index.html
      >
      >
      >
      >How to help your child cope with a bully
      >
      >
      >
      > * Story Highlights
      > * HHS estimate: 30 percent of all kids
      > grades 6-10 are bullied or have bullied annually
      > * Bullying usually occurs in places not monitored by adults
      > * Symptoms: personality changes, especially anxiety, sadness, withdrawal
      > * Expert: Calling the bully's parents "never a point of resolution"
      > *
      > <http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/08/28/ep.medical.debt/index.html?iref=nextin>Next
      > Article in Health »
      >
      >By Judy Fortin
      >CNN Medical Correspondent
      >
      >
      >SMYRNA, Georgia (CNN) -- A week before the start
      >of the new school year, principal Denise Magee
      >roamed the hallways of Campbell Middle School in
      >Smyrna, Georgia, preparing for battle.
      >Middle-school principal Denise Magee says a best-case scenario
      >
      >
      >Middle-school principal Denise Magee says a
      >best-case scenario would be a school year without bullying.
      >The adversary? Preteen and teenage bullies.
      >
      >Toting anti-bullying posters and masking tape,
      >Magee was determined to let students see from
      >Day One that she had a zero-tolerance policy
      >when it came to that kind of harassment.
      >
      >"Middle-school kids are just cruel to each
      >other," Magee said. "They speak their minds, so
      >you see bullying in the form of teasing,
      >taunting, social isolation and name calling."
      >
      >The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
      >estimated that 30 percent of all children in
      >grades six through 10 have been bullied or have
      >bullied other children during a school year.
      >
      >Clinical psychologist Mark Crawford of Roswell,
      >Georgia, called the statistics unacceptable.
      >"Bullying is not a rite of passage," he said. "It always has a bad outcome."
      >
      >Health Minute
      >[]
      >
      >Watch for Judy Fortin's Health Minute on Headline News
      >10 a.m. -6 p.m. ET weekdays
      >
      ><http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/health.minute/archive/>see full schedule »
      >
      >
      >Crawford said several times a month he hears
      >complaints from young patients who are victims
      >of bullies. And he worried about the
      >consequences. "Kids who are bullied are at
      >greater risk of physical symptoms, physical
      >complaints, emotional problems and academic underachievement."
      >
      >Parenting expert Stacey DeBroff, author of "The
      >Mom Book," cautioned that bullying often occurs
      >in places that aren't monitored by adults, such
      >as a walking route to and from school, a corner
      >of a playground and the Internet.
      >
      >She warned mothers and fathers to be on the
      >lookout for signs a child is being bullied.
      >"When you see signs of being anxious, sad and
      >withdrawn, of having a kid move off their
      >typical personality, it alerts you that something is going on."
      >
      >Crawford noted that some of those symptoms can
      >be attributed to typical adolescent behavior,
      >but he added, "When you see a real change in a
      >child's personality or their normal routine, it's a bad sign."
      >Video
      >
      ><http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/08/25/hm.bullying/index.html#cnnSTCVideo>Health
      >Minute: Watch more on defeating bullies »
      >
      >He also conceded that some children won't open
      >up to their parents about bullying. "One of the
      >reasons kids don't tell their parents they are
      >being bullied is the fear that their parents
      >will run in and do something about it and they think that will make it worse."
      >
      >
      >Anti-Bullying Tips
      >
      >
      >
      >"Stop Bullying Now"suggests these tips to help your child:
      >
      >1. Encourage your child to reach out to friendly
      >students in his class and in other environments.
      >
      >2. Help your child gain more confidence by
      >developing musical, athletic or artistic talents.
      >
      >3. Teach your child safety strategies; assure
      >him that reporting a bully isn't "tattling."
      >
      >4. Let your child know that home will always be a safe place.
      >
      >DeBroff agreed that it is tempting for some
      >parents to rush in to solve the problem by
      >calling the bully's parents. "You often know
      >them, your kids have been in school together,
      >you feel like calling them up...so they're on
      >the defensive and really it's never a point of resolution."
      >
      >Crawford said that it's important to do your
      >homework before attempting to resolve the situation.
      >
      >He encouraged parents to talk with their child
      >first and get them to open up about what's
      >happening. "You need to find out when it is
      >happening, where it is happening and exactly what is going on," he said.
      >
      >When elementary age children are involved,
      >Crawford recommended parents intervene more
      >quickly. "Younger kids have a limited arsenal
      >from which to draw," he said. "They don't
      >necessarily know how to be more assertive."
      >
      >Middle-school students may want to have some
      >control over the situation, according to Crawford.
      >
      >In that case, he said it might be a good idea to
      >go over possible scenarios and options that will
      >help them put a stop to the bullying.
      >
      >
      >Don't Miss
      >
      >
      >
      > * <http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/health.minute/archive/>Health Minute archive
      >
      >DeBroff said it is important to ask for help
      >from a teacher or school administrator. "They
      >want to know about it because it ripples into
      >the classrooms and places that aren't visible to them."
      >
      >Magee, the middle-school principal, agreed. "I
      >do not want parents to leave us out of the
      >scenario," she said. "I want them to immediately contact us."
      >
      >But be judicious, she urged. Some parents can
      >inflame the situation. "You will encounter
      >situations where parents will tell their kids,
      >'If you are hit, I want you to hit back.' "
      >
      >Experts point out it is important for parents to
      >keep emotions in check and to not encourage a child to hit back or retaliate.
      >
      >Instead, DeBroff suggested parents become
      >strategic advisers to their child and help them avoid bullying situations.
      >
      >
      >Health Library
      >
      >
      >
      > *
      > <http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/children/>MayoClinic.com: Children's Health
      >In a couple of weeks, after her students get
      >settled, Magee plans to hold grade-level
      >meetings about her school's anti-bullying policy.
      >
      >In the meantime, she remained optimistic and
      >hoped this school year will be different. "The
      >best-case scenario as local school principal? We
      >are bullyproof, fully free of any bully
      >incidents, that we are truly here with academic
      >focus, no fighting, no teasing, no name calling,
      >none of that. We're here to learn."
      ><http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/08/25/hm.bullying/index.html#>E-mail
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