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Comedy Wire News 11-26-11

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  • Stan Kegel
    The Comedy Wire COMEDY WIRE NEWS 11-27-11 By Pat Reeder & Laura Ainsworth Wednesday, November 23, 2011 Text Spelling
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 28, 2011
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      COMEDY WIRE NEWS 11-27-11
      By Pat Reeder & Laura Ainsworth 

      Wednesday, November 23, 2011
      Text Spelling Explained

      Noted sleep expert Dr. Marcus Schmidt tells MSNBC that he's seeing a rising number of cases of "sleep texting." Sufferers grab their cell phones and send text messages in their sleep. They don't realize they've done it until the recipients ask why they sent baffling texts at 3 a.m. One conservative young woman was shocked to discover she was "sexting" and sending out naughty photos of herself in her sleep. Schmidt said sleep deprivation can spark common motor behaviors. Since people text so much now, they unconsciously reach for the phone. He suggests getting the phone out of the bedroom and as far away as possible. 

      * Your spouse will be happy about that, anyway. 

      * I'd be happy if people would just stop sleep-texting while driving. 

      * He also suggests that if you do sleep-text naked photos of yourself, that you send them to a noted sleep expert. 

      * This explains why people send pointless incoherent texts at 3 a.m. So, why do they send them the rest of the time? 

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      Tuesday, November 22, 2011
      Tyler Perry's Feeble-Ass Excuse

      Tyler Perry is trying to defend casting reality and sex tape star Kim Kardashian in his upcoming movie, "The Marriage Counselor." Facing rising criticism from fans of his Christian message movies, Perry explained that he wanted a younger cast to attract younger viewers, and Kim rounds that out. Also, he said he thinks "it would be very responsible of her to be a part of this film" and good for young people who see her as a role model to "see her in a film that is about what happens in life when you make the wrong choices." 

      * They know already: you get your own reality show, millions of dollars, and a part in a Tyler Perry movie. 

      * She will inspire viewers by starting the movie in a big paper bag and attempting to act her way out of it. 

      * Kim could round out any cast just by turning around. 

      * She almost turned down the role because of the nudity. There wasn't any. 

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      Monday, November, 21, 2011
      He Has A Fool For A Client

      Last week in Lehigh County, Pennsylvania, Philome Cesar was representing himself on charges of committing 25 robberies when he asked one victim on the witness stand to describe what the robber sounded like. He replied, "He sounded like you." Cesar paused, startled, and the jury cracked up laughing. Moments later, he asked another witness what the robber sounded like. She replied, "He sounded exactly like you." She added that she was "1,000 percent sure" it was Cesar, not just because of his voice, but he was wearing a "fishnet mask," so she could also see his face. 

      * Plus, he was wearing the fishnet mask in the courtroom. 

      * He'd heard robbers should wear stockings over their heads, and fishnets are very "in" right now. 

      * He moved that her testimony be stricken because she was obviously a hostile witness. 

      * If all cases were this entertaining, nobody would try to get out of jury duty. 

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