The Good Side of the Oil Spill
- From: Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@...>
A man claiming to represent CNN, Gary Hewing, sent out a request the other day, looking for ideas about covering the "good side" of the BP oil spill disaster.
CNN claims they have no such person working for them; that this gentleman once worked for a radio affiliate of CNN.... I have no reason to doubt them.
Still, I don't see why we shouldn't help out with what is either a homework assignment at OilyU, or someone's silly attempt to start a PR firm.
"""Summary: The Good Side of the Oil Spill
"""Name: Gary Hewing (CNN)
"""Category: Biotech and Healthcare
"""Media Outlet: CNN
"""Deadline: 04:00 PM EST - 2 June
"""Looking for pitches:
"""The Good Side of the Oil Spill - if there is any.
THE GOOD SIDE OF THE OIL SPILL:
- No one who owns a boat in the Gulf will have to worry about squeaky propellers any more
- We have an endless supply of vinigrette off our shore
- White birds are so boring
- According to the Bible, eating shellfish is an abomination
- If you run out of gas, just refine some of the water and you're all set
- Finally, a chance to buy BP stock really cheap!
- Evinrude is working on a hybrid outboard motor that runs on a mixture of sea water and crude oil
- Ooh, lookit, it creates a sorta tie-dye effect in the water
- When you're at the beach, the suntan oil is free
- We no longer have to add oil to fry our shrimp
- Coating all the Louisiana swamps with oily sludge should certainly put a dent in the mosquito population
- Any wildlife that survive will evolve into some sort of super-animal
- No crowded Gulf Coast beaches this summer! Plenty of room for volleyball!