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Real Men/Women of Genius #101

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  • The Troubadour
    Ingelhook Wineries present... REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS {Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!} Today we raise our glass to you, Miss Most Knowledgeable Running Hair
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 5, 2011
      Ingelhook Wineries present...


      {Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!}

      Today we raise our glass to you, Miss Most Knowledgeable Running Hair
      Arranger, Except For The Wedding.

      {Missss "I reeeeeeeeally need-toooooooo-look-my-best, jussssssssst once!"}

      You did say that the very best hair style for women runners is NO hair
      practically at all, right? You first cut it short for cross-country season
      during your junior year--isn't that what you said? And you haven't grown it
      back? And you've been a happier woman ever since? EXCEPT for your wedding?

      {"I DON'T wannnnn-na starrrrrrrrrt my-whole-fu-ture INNNNN A CREW-CUT!!!"}

      Puh-leeease. Suddenly you MUST let it grow out? So, what you are now
      advocating is--for only the *important* events in your life, like matrimony,
      the day of--it's actually *more important* to fake your look than to
      continue appearing exactly the way your lover fell in love with you in the
      first place.

      {"Heeeeeeeeeeeeee nev-err said, but heeeee pre-fers long hair! IIIIIIIIII
      know it!!"}

      He must obviously have appreciated all your coolly hinted "secrets" for
      resolving such womanly issues as hair knots, negative-split ends, marathon
      mania mess, and insufferable tangles--mostly by cutting practically all of
      it off and learning to love yourself in a buzz cut instead. And now at last
      your ever-loving beau has gotten used to the "look" and WHAM: for the
      wedding you now want to change it.

      {"Yoooooooooooou-don't-mind, dooooo yoooou,

      You are now completely contradicting every scrunchie, ponytail tie, ball
      cap, hat, visor, hair wrap, "driver," bun, braid, balaclava, scarf, turban,
      babushka, conditioner, even head shaving, and Mickey Mouse Club hair-fix
      souvenir you ever recommended to all your sisterly lady runners. You are
      now saying that all this stuff is OK for running, but not for marrying. Now
      you need *different* hair. You have to become some body your fiancée has
      never seen before and, after the wedding, will never see again.

      {"Donnnnnn't YOU waaaaaaaaaaant me-to-look-good-for OUR

      So ease that cork out gently from your rehearsal dinner bottle of White
      Zinfandel, O Great Pretender and Propounder of the "Only Her Hairdresser
      Knows For Sure" philosophy, because guess what. After the wedding you can
      rejoin all your old gal pals, and they can then give their advice to
      you...which is: cut the hair, stop the run, put on the sweats--but don't
      sweat--plop down the butt, and let yourself go--just like they have. Hey,
      now you're married!

      {Missssssssss Most-Knowl-edge-able Runnnnnnnnn-ning-Hair-Arr-rang-er,

      White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don't drink it ourselves; we'd rather
      guzzle beer.

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      "your fiendishly cynical similarly out-of-shape fellow French lute-plucking
      survivor of a couple of weddings himself down through the ages"
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/).

      Book Review:

      Better Resource:

      Yankee Folly of The Day:
      What do you suppose the lady runner's perspective on her husband is? The
      gym membership lapses a few months afterwards? "Night out with the boys"
      means having to buy more trousers and poke farther-out holes in the belt?
      Fishing trips result in no fish but more fishy fast-food fillets? It's the
      grand old American game, isn't it. You always and ONLY need to ever look
      good for your wedding day's photographer, so he can give you something to
      rip out of that frame and stomp on in the next dozen years, or less.
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