THE MOST INTERESTING MAN/WOMAN IN THE WORLD (issue 56)
- [Happiness Wednesday, all! Welcome to the Positivity Pleasure Dome--the,
uh, abs-sole-glute-lee midweek over-the-hump-day whomp. Or, paraphrasing
the inimitable Dr. Seuss, bumping along on the double whumped bump of the
hump of Gump. And since this cannot remind me of my own childhood (I was
old enough when Ol' Doc Seuss first arrived to be his proofreader), it must
therefore remind me of another "child." Well, maybe not so much child as
teenager. How about THE most amazingly accomplished teen to yet grace "our
scene"? I'm talking about The Eleventh-Place Finisher of this year's Last
Annual Vol-State Road Race, THE indomitable Erika Matheney! Her time was
8:18:57:45, which beat her mom by a full minute and me (in '09) BY AN ENTIRE
DAY! So, since "mom" Matheney was TMIWITW on October 6th, 2010, we need to
make her most amazing and beautiful daughter Erika TMI(Y)WITW today.
And, no, there's not much (so far) online that you can read by or about her,
but I do find the dear lass on Facebook...
...but you might have to "friend" her first to read this. Just sayin'....]
Never has a younger person gone so far on her own two feet, without
interruption by rides in cars, naps on sofas, or sessions in front of
Nintendo screens. Texting via cell phone and Gameboy entertainments,
however, cannot be as easily determined.
She has double-footedly covered more ground this month than ALL her
contemporaries have so far covered on foot in their entire lives.
Her scrunchie has been exposed to more sunlight than most teenagers'
Her own flowing and waving blonde locks have been known to incite boys'
riots in the high school gym.
She didn't successfully "con" her mother into leaving her home alone. On
the contrary, she prevailed upon her to take her with, as together they
covered 314 miles in record-setting time for one so brave and young and
another so wild and crazy.
The adventures just recorded and documented by mother and daughter will live
in perpetuity. The legend shall be sung by awestruck minstrels and buzz
tweeting lute pluckers for the next eight hundred years.
Throughout the course of eight-and-a-half days, she single-handedly kept up
her mother's sagging, well, spirits. Whenever they'd hit a "low point," her
high-minded observational humor and contemporary social commentary would
"lift" her mother right into stitches.
Never has a future stand-up comedienne been "born" of tougher circumstances.
She will either turn out turning heads while she runs for the next
half-century, or she'll turn out crowds of paying nightclub customers who'll
seek her genius in bringing joy and laughter to their otherwise drab,
miserable, sedentary, and unfunny lives--just like her mother's. [Note:
This is only a joke about her mother's life. The troubly knowledgeable
listener will already know that, and thus pay no attention. ;]
She just--at the tender age of 19, for heaven's sake--FINISHED the 2011
She is THE MOST INTERESTING (YOUNG) WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
"I don't always defy my mom and insist upon superhuman performance; but,
when I do, I prefer beating her butt to the finish line. Stay stubborn, my
( 00 )
See (and hear) some originals:
[and thanks to UltraJohn Price--himself the 10th place finisher--for
supplying this instead of that former long and always-broken hyperlink].
("that 800-year-old awestruck minstrel and buzz tweeting lute plucker from
France who STILL needs a horse and cart to cover 314 miles")
Yankee Folly of the Day:
Well, have we defaulted on our loan yet? Has the ENTIRE United States of
America finally succeeded in doing what my own papa always predicted it
would do while watching The News: go broke? But isn't it somehow
"impossible" for the U.S. Treasury to default when all it needs to do is
print more money? Who's counting? And who is "spinning" this one anyway?