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Real Men/Women of Genius #94

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  • The Troubadour
    Ingelhook Wineries present... REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS {Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!} Today we propose a toast to you, Miss Self-Confidence--But Absolutely
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 10, 2011
      Ingelhook Wineries present...


      {Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!}

      Today we propose a toast to you, Miss Self-Confidence--But Absolutely
      NEEDING To Ask Everyone Else's Opinion First.

      {Misssss Oooo-zing With Cer-tain-tyyyy and Brim-ming With

      Should you wear compression socks--what does the group think? Should you
      take supplements--what's everyone's opinion? Should you buy new shoes for
      gravel roads? Does red, pink, or purple nail polish go better with toe
      socks? Should your scrunchie match your watch band? Your doctor just
      discovered a terminal brain tumor and has given you three weeks to
      live--should you have surgery now or wait until after Western States?

      {"Twoooooooooooooooooooooo heads are bettt-ter than one!"}

      Please. You signed on to a communal listserv dedicated to running
      ultramarathons. There are 3,000 members and you don't know anybody. What
      suddenly compels you to consult *their* opinions? Do you just naturally
      trust the "wisdom" of strangers? So what happens when they give you 3,000
      different opinions?

      {"The morrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre the merrrrrrrrr-riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-err!"}

      Tell us something. When you're shopping at the supermarket, do you ask the
      lady pushing the cart next to you if she thinks Wheaties would look better
      inside your cereal bowl, or Cocoa Pebbles?

      {Wee-think-your-break-fast-should-be thee "Sau-sage Sur-prise" at the
      Hearrrrrrrrrrrt At-tack Grilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.}

      And what in the world do you do when someone else asks for YOUR opinion? Do
      you say, "I'm sorry, I don't have one"? Maybe you should say, "Let me post
      to the Ultralist first and get back to you. I'm sure SOMEBODY can tell us
      whether your Polar Heartrate Monitor is off when it registers 867
      beats-per-minute while you're fast asleep."

      {"Should-n't it be clo-ser to

      So twist that cap off quickly from your just-found cheapest White Zinfandel
      snatched out of the beer-and-wine cooler in the liquor aisle at Target, O
      Miss Perfect Demographic for The Nielsen Ratings, and maybe nobody will see
      you chug it down in the store. Because such a radically decisive bit of
      decision-making on your part would go a long, long way towards making you
      drunk--and therefore happy and pleasant and much, much easier to live with.

      {Misssssssss Self-Con-fi-dennnnnnce--But Ab-so-lute-ly NEEEEEEEE-DING To Ask
      Ev-'ry-one-El-se's-O-pin-ion Firrrrrrrrrrrrrrrst!!}

      White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don't drink it ourselves; we'd rather chug

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      "your fiendly non-neighborly mid-evil lute-and-other-plucking TV fan of
      Judges Wapner and Judy and hoper that [insert politician's name] only gets
      cabbage in his prison cell, because he has stolen most of ours"
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/).

      Book Review:

      Better Resource:

      Yankee Follies of The Day:
      Just thinkin' about how Mrs. Congressman Weiner took all those name jokes
      all these years for nothin'. Well, there is alimony, isn't there? And the
      other folly of note today: former ILL (yes) Gov. Blagojevich's fate is now
      in the hands of his jury of peers. He'll be hoping his wife doesn't dump
      him also. Oh, and her name? Pottymouth Patty.
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